


NCT and The Power of Three

by lqchangkyun



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 08:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 57,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lqchangkyun/pseuds/lqchangkyun
Summary: Joelle, Emilia, and Jay are Third years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. They each set their eye on boys who are way out of their league, boys they can never muster up the courage to talk to. This story dives into the voices of these three girls, following them through their Third year of classes, Quidditch, and the obstacles they face to arrive at their chance at first love.





	1. Jay: Getting to Know Me

**Author's Note:**

> The first three chapters are short introductions to the three girls, but following them, the true story begins. I'll make sure to put who the point of view is so as to avoid confusion. I'll also try to update every Tuesday. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy.

Instead of my trusty alarm waking me up, I wake up to the sound of Emilia yelling at me.

I open my eyes to slits, peering over to her side of the room where she’s glaring at me. She has her bag slung over her shoulder, ready to go. My eyes fly open, fumbling for my phone to check the time. 

“Oh my god, I’m late.” Which is the story of my life. 

“You’re going to make us late for Herbology!” Emilia says as I leap out of bed and grab up my robes from the floor. I skid into the bathroom, throwing my robes on as I brush my teeth and look for my hairbrush. 

“Can you put my textbook in my bag please?” I yell. I hear her groan, but shuffle around to look for my bag. I glance in the mirror. My eyebags have bags and even brushing my hair, I still look like I just woke up. My robes are wrinkled and uneven, but I don’t have time to fix them. I race back outside where Emilia is holding my bag out to me. “Your wand is in the front pocket,” she says before I can ask. I smile gratefully at her as we quickly walk down the stairs into the common area. 

“Hey, guys,” our Prefect, Seulgi, says with a smile. 

“Hey, Seulgi!” we say over our shoulders as we leave the Hufflepuff dormitory and make the long power walk to Herbology. 

“Sprouts won’t be mad,” I huff, trying to catch my breath. “We can be a little late.”

“Joelle will be mad,” Emilia says. I start jogging. 

We duck inside the greenhouse and take our spots next to Joelle, who’s glaring at us. 

“Sorry,” we mutter. 

She suddenly smirks, nudging me. “Look who’s up front.” 

I glance up and see the back of his head, one backpack strap slung over his shoulder. I duck my head down even though we’re at the back of the greenhouse. Emilia and Joelle snicker. 

Johnny Seo. Fifth year Hufflepuff. Beater for the Quidditch team. Tall. Popular. Gorgeous. The love of my life. 

I’ve liked him for almost a year now, but I have said not a single word to him. Whenever I see him, I feel my throat constrict and I start sweating from blushing so hard. I usually try to avoid him at all costs, but simultaneously want to be near him, talk to him, be his friend.

“Day 598 of will Jay talk to Johnny,” Joelle says. “I can call him over, if you want.” 

“No!” I yelp. I cough, pretending to rummage in my backpack. “That’s not necessary.” 

Johnny is the only boy I’ve ever had genuine feelings for and I can’t even talk to him. Joelle is friends with him because of Quidditch and has offered to introduce me, but I know I’m going to lose the power of the English language if we make even a millisecond of eye contact, so I choose to admire from afar. 

A girl appears out of nowhere and clings to his arm. I look down at the table, trying to suppress my anger and frustration.

Jordan Kondi. Fifth year Gryffindor. Beater for the Quidditch team. Johnny’s girlfriend. 

“Hey, Joelle,” a voice says. I whip my head up and see Johnny walking by, Jordan in tow. He glances at me, giving me a small smile, before turning to face the exit. 

“Hey, Johnny,” Joelle says. “I’ll see you at the fields.” 

“See ya.” Johnny and girlfriend leave the greenhouse, leaving me to recover my breath. 

“Wow, he looked at you!” Emilia says. “Progress!”

“Shut up,” I say. 

Professor Sprouts walks inside, telling us to get our plants immediately to start tending to them. 

“Don’t drop any of the seeds,” Joelle warns. 

“Yes, Mom,” Emilia and I say sarcastically. 

The rest of class is spent chattering, but my head is swimming with Johnny. Now he knows I exist. Shouldn’t I be happy? It’s hard to be excited about it when his whole girlfriend was wrapped around his arm. I honestly just want to be his friend. I’ll take friendship, even though I’m practically in love with him. 

The bell rings. We put our Puffapods back and leave the greenhouse, blending into the sea of people. 

“Did you practice for Transfiguration?” Joelle asks. 

“Nope!” I say.


	2. Emilia: Getting to Know Me

“We’re free!” I say, leaving Defense Against the Dark Arts with Joelle and Jay. 

“For forty minutes,” Jay says. 

I frown as I put my wand in my backpack. I didn’t do well in class and Lupin didn’t yell at me, but his disappointed eyes were worse. I make a mental note to practice tonight for tomorrow’s class. 

“Anybody hungry?” Joelle asks. She grabs her stomach, exaggerating her hunger. “I’m starved.”

Jay and I laugh as we all make our way to the Great Hall for lunch. It’s full because fifth is usually everyone’s free period. We find Woojin sitting at a Slytherin table waving us over. We sit, Jay and Woojin launching into something about art. Our plates fill with food and we dig in. 

“Hey, Woojin, can I sit next to you?” a voice says. I look up and see the most beautiful boy in existence. He’s standing awkwardly behind the bench, clutching his backpack strap, wearing Slytherin robes. 

“Yeah, Renjun, sit,” Woojin says with a big smile. “Guys, this is Renjun.” He gives us a small smile. My heart hammers against my chest. “Renjun, this is Jay, Joelle, and Emilia,” Woojin says, gesturing to each of us in turn. He nods to us, staring down at his plate that’s filled with food. 

“He’s a little shy at first,” Woojin explains to us. “He’ll open up.” 

“What year are you?” Jay asks, trying to strike up a conversation. My mouth is so dry and the ability of speech has completely left me. I look at his hands picking up a fork as he shovels casserole into his mouth. I want to hold that hand. 

“Third,” he answers after he’s swallowed. 

“Same as us,” Joelle says with a smile. He blushes, smiling down into his food. 

I want to talk to him. But my heart is beating so loudly, my palms are sweating, I literally can’t make my mouth move and say words. I know I’m staring at him, but he’s really pretty, I can’t help it. His hair looks so fluffy, his skin is flawless (we need the skincare routine), his eyes are so brown. He’s sitting here looking like that, hurting my heart like this, and I just found out he exists!

Joelle is talking to him, trying to get him to come out of his shell, and he’s responding more and more. His face is flushed, but he’s laughing and it seems like he likes hanging out with us. Or maybe just Joelle. Does he like Joelle? Why am I not saying anything? 

“Gotta go to sixth,” Jay says. I look to Renjun who’s looking at Joelle who’s getting her backpack and standing up. 

I messed up. I should have talked. How am I supposed to hold his hand now?


	3. Joelle: Getting to Know Me

“I’ll see you guys for dinner,” I say. I wave to Emilia and Jay as I make my way to the Quidditch fields for practice. I’m still sore from yesterday, but the Quidditch grind never stops. 

“Joelle!” I turn to see Doyoung running up to me. He slings an arm over my shoulder, ruffling my hair. 

“Get off,” I say, shoving him away. He shoves me back, both of us laughing. 

We get to the fields and duck into the changing rooms to put on our robes and get our brooms. Our captain Kun comes in, greeting us before changing out.

“Hufflepuff is practicing right now, so hurry up so we can watch,” he says, already grabbing his broom and leaving the room. The rest of us follow after him, making our way down to the sidelines of the fields. 

Hufflepuff is getting ready to leave the fields. Doyoung curses under his breath. He’s always looking for a way to cheat. I laugh at him pouting and get ready to practice. 

“Hey, Kun, field’s all yours,” the Hufflepuff captain says. Doyoung nudges me, but I stare at the ground, my chest suffocating me. 

“Thanks, Taeyong,” Kun says. “See you at tomorrow’s match.” 

Taeyong winks as he walks past us with the rest of his team. I sneak a glance up and see Taeyong’s twinkling brown eyes as he laughs at something one of his teammates says. The sweat makes his slightly tanned skin glisten and my heart combust. 

Lee Taeyong, captain of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team and a Keeper and a Prefect and the hottest guy at Hogwarts, hands down. I’ve had so many opportunities to talk to him, after-match parties, dinners, but I choke and avoid eye contact. I’m pretty sure he’s never seen me, that’s how good I am at evading him. Doyoung gives me hell for it, but I literally can’t talk to him. He’s the hottest guy at school and I’m me. He’s extremely out of my league. Plus, every girl likes him, so it’s not like we would date or anything. I don’t know, I just can’t talk to him, okay, that’s it. 

“Next time,” Doyoung says as we lift off into the air. 

“Yeah, yeah,” I say, grabbing the Quaffle and tossing it to him.


	4. Chapter 1: Joelle vs. Hufflepuff in the Ultimate Quidditch Showdown

I sit upright in bed, drenched in sweat. I check my phone for the time. 

4:00AM.

I flop back down onto my pillows, knowing I won’t be able to go back to sleep. This is the third night in a row I’ve had this same nightmare, but as soon as I wake up, I can’t remember any of it. 

I throw my covers off and tiptoe into the bathroom so I don’t wake up my roommate, Irene. I woke her up once and she yelled at me for fifteen minutes straight, so I’m trying to avoid that. I shut the door and turn on the sink, splashing cold water onto my face. 

Fridays are my busiest days, plus I have a match tonight, so I’m praying I don’t pass out before then. If we win, there’s going to be an after party, so I’ll probably be going to sleep at this time tomorrow. I groan as I towel my face dry and go back to my bed to lie down. 

I stare up at the ceiling, planning my day in my head. Classes, practice during my free periods, meet up with the team to get dinner before we go to the fields, play the match, after party, sleep for twelve hours. My temple starts pounding with the beginnings of a headache. I turn over onto my side, closing my eyes, willing sleep to come for just three more hours. 

My eyes fly open to the sound of Irene dropping her History of Magic textbook. Crazy how I know what that sounds like. I jolt out of bed, checking the time. I wave off Irene’s apologies as I see that it’s 8AM. Class starts at 8AM. 

“Why did I go back to sleep!” I mutter to myself as I throw on my robes and get my backpack ready. I’ll shower during lunch. I follow Irene down to the commons and out into the corridors. We both dash down the stairs, but stumble as they turn to connect to the opposite corridor. 

“I don’t have time for this!” Irene yells. We wait for the stairs to stop moving before we start sprinting in the wrong direction towards class. 

We get to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom first and she ducks inside. “See you later!” she calls before she closes the door. I stop to catch my breath, the Dungeon not too far. Snape is going to eat me alive.

I quietly open the door, breathing heavily, and close it behind me, tiptoeing over to where Emilia and Jay are waiting for me.  
“Wow, Joelle is late?” Jay whispers. “Imagine that.” 

“Shut up, I didn’t sleep well,” I hiss back. Snape has his back turned towards the bookcase, thank the lord. I take out my Potions textbook and my wand, setting them next to my little cauldron. 

“What are we supposed to be making?” I ask. The room is relatively quiet, but everyone is working on something, moving back and forth from their cauldrons to the cabinets for ingredients. 

“Shrinking Solution,” Jay says. I follow her to the cabinets to pick up the ingredients where we run into Renjun from lunch yesterday.

“Hey!” I say. “I didn’t know you were in this class.” 

“I sit near the front,” he says. He looks at me, but then quickly back towards the cabinet, the tips of his ears turning red. 

“Want to eat lunch with us again today?” I say. 

He nods, gives us a small smile, then dashes back to his table, arms full of ingredients. 

“He was blushing,” Jay says. 

“Yeah, I know,” I say, struggling to balance everything in my arms. 

“He likes you,” Jay says, nudging me, almost making me drop the wormwood. 

“Jesus,” I mumble. We get back to our table where I dump everything next to my cauldron. “We just met him yesterday.” 

“He blushes every time he sees you!” Jay says. 

“Who?” Emilia asks. 

“Renjun,” says Jay, nudging me again. 

“Whatever,” I say. “He’s just shy.” 

“Renjun is in this class?” Emilia cranes her neck to see him. Her brow furrows in the middle as she puts the wrong amount of cowbane into her cauldron. 

“Emilia, that’s too much,” I say as she starts stirring. She keeps stirring, staring at something in the front of the class. I tap her on her shoulder. She jumps, looking down at me with wide eyes.

“Are you okay?” I say. “Did something happen with Renjun?”

She shakes her head, but sighs when I give her the disapproving look. Her potion starts bubbling loudly as she sets her stirring spoon down. 

“I may or may not want to hold his hand,” she says. 

I look at Jay and we both burst into laughter. I try to stay quiet, tears springing to my eyes. Emilia frowns at us, resuming her potion making. 

“That’s so cute!” I say. I put my hand on her shoulder. “Stop stirring that, it will explode. Why don’t you talk to him at lunch today? He’s shy, but he’s nice.” 

“But he likes you,” she says dejectedly.

“He does not!” I say a little too loudly. I duck my head and say quieter, “Why do you both keep saying that?”

“I mean,” Jay says, throwing daisy roots into her cauldron. “It’s not obvious to you?”

“No,” I say. “I’m not interested anyway, so Emilia, shoot your shot at lunch.” She frowns before picking up her wand to finish the potion. Instead of green, it’s a murky brown and smells like burning rubber. We cough, waving away the fumes, as she murmurs the spell to empty the cauldron.

“Look in your book for the recipe,” I say. I make a tsking noise as I turn back to my own concoction. Daisy roots, caterpillars, wormwood, stir vigorously. I look up during my stirring and see Renjun staring at me. He whips his head back around quickly and I look back down, face flaming. 

How am I going to let the guy down easy? Hey, you’re really nice and all, but I like someone else and my best friend likes you, so maybe we can just be friends? I scoff to myself, adding in a little cowbane before finishing up. Why did this have to happen to me, the most incompetent human being when it comes to guys and feelings?

The bell rings and we empty our cauldrons, stuffing our textbooks into our backpacks. I see Renjun approaching us, but he hesitates before melding in with the crowd leaving. I cringe inwardly before following Emilia and Jay upstairs to Charms. 

Charms is my favorite class. Professor Flitwick is so cool about everything and I just love learning new charms and getting to practice them. We get to the classroom as the Fifth years are leaving. Johnny and Taeyong walk out together, laughing about something. Jay ducks behind Emilia and I freeze, staring at them. 

Johnny notices me and approaches the three of us, Taeyong trailing behind. Come on, brain. Don’t fail me now. 

“Hey, Joelle, ready to lose tonight?” Johnny says, slapping me on the shoulder. 

“You wish,” I say, shoving him, making him laugh. I turn to Taeyong who is smiling at us. My body freezes up again and my mouth starts moving, but no sound is coming out. 

“We’re having a party afterwards in the Hufflepuff commons,” Johnny says, oblivious to my floundering. “You coming?”

I force my attention away from Taeyong and back to him, plastering a smile onto my face. “No doubt,” I say.

Johnny gestures behind me to Emilia and a cowering Jay. “You can bring your friends, too,” he says. He winks at me before turning to leave, Taeyong smiling and following after him. 

I realize that I’ve been holding my breath and expel it all at once. Emilia squeals, grabbing me and hauling me into the classroom. Jay is fanning herself as she collapses into her seat. 

“Taeyong smiled at you so much!” Emilia says. 

I don’t say anything, just smile like an idiot as Emilia rambles on about how me and Taeyong are going to be the most powerful couple at Hogwarts. Taeyong now knows I exist. I mean, he probably already did because of Quidditch, duh, but now maybe I can actually talk to him?

Yeah, right. 

***

The bell rings for lunch, freeing me from Music. I send a text to Emilia and Jay, telling them I’ll be late to lunch as I jog to the Ravenclaw dorms. I give the password for the week and pass through the commons up to my room. I feel dirty from not showering this morning, so I’ll just hop in and hop out. I’m going to get sweaty later anyway. 

My brain starts cycling, running through all the homework I’m going to have this weekend, thinking through strategies for the game tonight. My brain likes to do that, Cycle. One thing leads to another leads to another until I’m driving myself crazy and it’s 3AM. I make the water as hot as I can bear it, scrubbing and scrubbing even though I’m not that dirty. After I’m done washing, I just stand under the nearly scalding water, letting it take away my Cycling and shoving it down the drain. I turn the water off and grab a towel, drying off and wrapping it around my body to go back into the room. Irene won’t be back tonight; she usually stays at her girlfriend’s dorm during the weekends. 

I put my robes back on and look in the mirror to straighten out my hair. I have bags under my eyes from not sleeping well. I just look so tired. I ponder putting on makeup, but scratch it. I don’t want to come back up here to take it off before the match.

I check my phone and see that there’s twenty minutes left of lunch. I take the books I don’t need out of my backpack and head down to the Great Hall. 

I see Emilia, Jay, Woojin, and Renjun at a Hufflepuff table, laughing and chatting. Renjun is talking more, making everyone laugh from what I can see. Emilia is making small talk, which is good. I don’t have to worry about letting him down anymore. I hope. 

I walk up to the table and assume my position next to Emilia, across from Renjun. He immediately looks down at his empty plate, his face flaming. Oh boy. 

“Eat up,” Jay says. “Lunch ends soon.”

My plate fills up with food and I dig in, chiming into the conversation when my face isn’t stuffed with food. Renjun tries really hard to talk to me, but I try really hard not to. I don’t need him getting any more ideas. He needs to talk to Emilia, not me. 

“Joelle?” he says. I look up at him. He’s maintaining eye contact. What does that mean? He usually looks away. Please, we just met. Please let it be nothing. 

“Good luck at your match today,” he says. “I’ll be there to cheer you on.” He gives me a small smile before waving to all of us and leaving.

I put my head in my hands. I hear Emilia stand next to me and say, “I gotta run to the room and get my Herbology textbook.” She quickly dashes out of the Hall, leaving a stunned Jay and I. 

“Why-” Jay says. I hold up my hand to stop her. 

“I’ll handle it,” I say with a heavy sigh. I don’t know how, but I don’t want to hurt my best friend over a guy I don’t even like. 

The bell rings for the start of Fifth. We grab our bags and make our way to the greenhouse, saying bye to Woojin. Emilia is already there, her Puffapod ready to go. There’s no way she could have gone up to the dorms and gotten to the greenhouse before us. I raise my eyebrow at Jay, but we don’t say anything. 

Herbology passes by quietly, none of us saying much, just focusing on our work. The Cycling comes back, but I push it away to save for tonight when I try to go to sleep. I can’t afford to be distracted during the match. 

I breeze through Muggle Music and then the bell rings for seventh. I don’t have a seventh or eighth, so I head straight for the fields to get some extra practice in. 

I head into the changing rooms and see Doyoung and Wendy grabbing their brooms. Doyoung smiles when he sees me, grabbing my broom from my locker for me. I quickly change into my robes and jog outside with them. Some members of the Hufflepuff team are already out there, practicing. We wait on the sidelines, watching. 

I notice that it’s Taeyong and Johnny up there. My body goes into hiding mode and I duck behind Doyoung, praying that they haven’t seen me from way up there. Doyoung laughs, pulling me from behind him. I stand frozen, staring hard at the other side of the fields. 

“Yo, you guys want to practice?” Johnny yells from a few feet above us. He’s smirking, so I know he’s going to say too bad.

“If you don’t mind,” Wendy calls up to him.

“Too bad!” he says, soaring back up into the sky laughing. I shake my head at Doyoung, who’s getting ready to mount. “Save that anger for tonight,” I say. He gets off of his broom, face set in stony determination. I laugh and nudge him. He’s super competitive, so any kind of challenge, he’s ready to go. 

I see Johnny and Taeyong landing, leaving the balls on the field for us. They approach us and my knees lock, my mouth dries, my brain starts spazzing. Taeyong looks so good, sweat glistening on his skin, hair that beautiful amount of messy, his eyes bright. I take a deep breath, willing my heart to stay inside of my chest. 

“Field’s all yours,” Taeyong says. “See you guys tonight.” He pats Doyoung on the shoulder as he passes. I follow him with my eyes as he heads to the Hufflepuff’s changing rooms with Johnny. He looks back over his shoulder and catches me watching him, giving me a small smile. I whip around and run after Doyoung and Wendy, my face flaming. God, I can’t believe he caught me staring at him. He must think I’m such a creep. 

We practice through seventh, the rest of the team joining us during eighth, our practice period. Kun lays out the game plan for us towards the end of the period.

“We got this one, you guys,” he says. “I can feel it.” He puts his hand in the middle and we all pile ours on top, getting ready to do our cheer, which is basically us just yelling nonsense. 

“On three,” Kun says. “One, two, three!” We yell gibberish into the air, getting pumped. 

“Let’s put our brooms up and go eat some dinner,” Kun says. We all jog back to the changing rooms to deposit our brooms. My body is vibrating with adrenaline. I’m ready to play right now. I know we have this one in the bag. I can’t wait to rub it in Johnny’s face at the after party. 

***

We’re waiting in the tents for the match to start. I saw Emilia and Jay in the Hufflepuff stands with Woojin. But I also saw Renjun in the Ravenclaw stands. I can’t think about that right now, though. I have to focus on the match. 

Hooch blows the whistle and we all make our way out to center field. 

“Mount your brooms!” she calls. Both teams mount and we soar into the sky, Hooch following behind us. 

“Play fair,” she says to us. She floats back down to the ground to where the balls are in their case, waiting to be released. Hooch flips the lid and readies her whistle. I look across the way to where Johnny is making faces at me. I sneer at him, gripping the front of my broom tightly. The cheers in the crowd are deafening, just the way I like them. 

The whistle sounds and the balls are released. Time for Ravenclaw to take another win. 

Doyoung has the Quaffle. Me and Taemin race after him towards the goal. Wendy races past us after the Snitch. I see Johnny approaching from my peripheral vision, sending a Bludger towards Doyoung. 

“Doyoung!” I scream. He sees the Bludger coming and ducks out of its way, tossing the Quaffle towards me. I race towards the goal, dodging the opposing Chasers, knocking them out of my way. I see Seulgi racing towards me, arm outstretched. I tuck the Quaffle under my arm and make a dead stop, causing her to fly past me. The goal in site, I reach my arm up and prepare to throw the ball before I see who the Keeper is. 

Taeyong has both of his arms out, ready to catch my ball. 

“Throw it!” Doyoung yells from behind me. 

I shake my head and throw the ball as hard as I can. Taeyong lunges to the side and grabs it, blocking my shot. I sigh, cursing myself for hesitating. I knew he was the Keeper, why am I acting brand new? He throws the ball towards a Chaser and they take off towards our goal. I follow behind, blocking the Beaters from throwing their Bludgers. 

Kun blocks their shot and tosses the Quaffle to Taemin, who races down the field towards the goal. Taemin likes to hog the ball, so Doyoung and I race behind him to cover for him. Our Beaters hold back their Beaters, the Bludgers flying around. I see the Snitch zip past me, Wendy right on its tail. 

Taemin raises his arm and shoots the Quaffle towards the goal. Taeyong misjudges and the ball sails through the loop, giving us ten points.

“Ten points Ravenclaw!” Lee Jordan announces. Our side of the stands goes wild. I’m sure Emilia and Jay are cheering for me amidst the Hufflepuff crowd. I look towards Taeyong and see him getting back into position. He smirks at me, making my breath hitch. I look away and sail back towards our side to protect.

We score two more times and they score once, bringing the score to 30-10. Both of our teams are defensive heavy, so our games are usually low scoring. There’s five minutes left. We just need Wendy to catch the Snitch so we can cinch this game. 

Taemin tosses the Quaffle to me as we near the goal. I duck as Johnny sends a Bludger my way and rear my arm back for another goal. Taeyong and I stare at each other. I suddenly want to stop playing and give him a hug, but I have to win the game. 

“Look out!” I hear Taemin yell. I turn, a Bludger sailing towards me. It crashes into my stomach, knocking me off of my broom. I hear Lee Jordan announce, “Wendy Son has caught the Snitch! Ravenclaw wins!” before I hit the ground and black out. 

*** 

I wake up in the infirmary, my arm wrapped up in bandages. I try to sit up, but wince at the pain in my stomach, which is also wrapped up. Emilia, Jay, Woojin, Renjun, my team, Johnny, and Taeyong all stand around me. Emilia and Jay immediately launch into “Are you okay?” “Do you need anything?” I wave them off, attempting again to sit up. Doyoung helps me as I breathe out from the effort. 

“We won, right?” I ask. Doyoung laughs, giving me a sad smile before nodding.

“Hell yeah, we won,” he says. 

Johnny kneels down beside me, putting his head down over my hand. “I am so so sorry, Joelle,” he says. “I sent that Bludger your way. I didn’t know it would knock you off.”

I pat his head and tell him to stand up. “No worries,” I say. “Just playing the game.” 

“Are you feeling okay?” Taeyong says.

Once again, the fish jumps out, and my mouth is moving with no words coming out. I probably look crazy, staring at him with big eyes. I end up just nodding, giving him a tight-lipped smile. 

“Good,” he says. I might pass out again. 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Renjun says from behind Taeyong. 

“Thanks, Renjun,” I say, smiling at him before I realize what I’ve done. He blushes and ducks his head. 

“Madam Pomfrey wants you to stay here overnight,” Jay says. “Do you need us to stay with you?”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ll just text you guys.” 

“We’ll come see you after the party,” Doyoung says, patting my good shoulder lightly. I cover his hand with mine as a way to say thank you. 

“Give her time to rest.” Madam Pomfrey comes over, shooing everyone away. They all say goodbye, Emilia and Jay attempting to linger, but getting shoved out. Taeyong looks at me over his shoulder with a sad smile on his face. I lift my good arm and give him a wave before he walks out of the door, closing it behind him.

“Take this.” Pomfrey hands me some medicine. “It’ll help with the bruising.” 

I drink the medicine. It burns down my throat and tastes like literal bile, but I already feel my soreness going away. I lie back in the pillows and close my eyes, glad that the Cycling won’t come since I’m in so much pain. 

I don’t have the nightmare, either. I dream about Taeyong swooping down on his broom and catching me in his arms before I fall. Damn, I wish that would have happened.


	5. Chapter 2: Jay and Johnny Plan a Date... Kinda...

I hate the Quidditch after parties. 

Joelle always drags us to them, but she ditches us as soon as we get there to be with her teammates, so me and Emilia just sit around and do nothing. We usually wait about an hour before we decide to leave just in case Joelle wants to grace us with her presence again, which is rare. 

We’re in Ravenclaw’s commons at the after party, sitting and doing nothing. I don’t know why we came if Joelle isn’t here, but it’s Friday, we aren’t doing anything else, why not. 

I see Johnny and Taeyong occasionally, hiding my face each time I do, even though Johnny doesn’t know who I am. This is the perfect opportunity to talk to him; if I choke, I can just blend into the crowd or leave. But my butt is glued to this seat, taking sips of water from a plastic cup. 

“Do you want to go see Joelle?” Emilia says, setting her own cup down on a table. 

I look around to make sure Johnny isn’t anywhere to be found and nod. We stand, making our way to the exit, when we’re intercepted. 

“Leaving already?” 

I crane my neck all the way up to see Johnny looking down at us with puppy eyes. I take several steps backwards to put space between us, keeping my eyes locked on his shoes. 

I’ve never been this close to him and I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. I don’t know if I should say something. I mean, he did ask a question, but what do I say? My mouth is so dry. If I talk, I’m going to sound like a croaky frog. 

“You’re Joelle’s friends, right?” he says. 

“Yeah,” Emilia says from beside me. “We were just going to go see if we could visit, sit with her for a while.”

“Can we come with?” he says, gesturing to Taeyong. “I feel so guilty, I’d like to see if she’s doing better.” 

“Sure!” Emilia nudges me surreptitiously. “Should we get her teammate, too? He said he wanted to see her.”

“Doyoung?” Taeyong says. “I’ll go get him.” He disappears back into the crowd of people. 

We’re going to walk all the way to the infirmary with Johnny. That’s a lot of time to look dumb. I brace myself to talk to him. I just hope I don’t shoot my infamous finger guns at him. 

“Are you guys Third years with Joelle?” Johnny asks us. 

Emilia nudges me and I nearly snap my neck looking up so fast. “Yeah,” I manage to say. 

Oh my god. I said a word to Johnny Seo. I can now die in peace. 

“Fellow Hufflepuffs, too?” He smiles. We nod like bobbleheads. 

Taeyong comes back, Doyoung following close behind. “Let’s get to the infirmary,” Doyoung says, his eyes on the door. “She’s probably already asleep.”

We all make our way to the exit, me staying safely behind Emilia so I don’t accidentally nudge Johnny or step on his foot or breathe too close to his arm. We all file down the stairs in a single line, Doyoung leading the charge. Taeyong and Johnny are making small talk, which saves me from having to engage in conversation. 

“Hey, I didn’t catch your names.” Johnny turns around to face us, walking backwards. So much for not having to engage in conversation. 

“I’m Emilia,” she says. 

“Jay,” I say. Can I not say more than two words to this guy? I clench my fists at my side. No finger guns, no finger guns. 

“Johnny,” he says. “I’m sure you already knew that, though.” He winks, turning back to face the front, Taeyong shoving him. 

I trip over air and almost faceplant, but Emilia steadies me. “You good?” she says. 

“No,” I say, which is the truth. Johnny just winked at me. I feel like I’m floating. But he winks at everybody, so I’m not special. 

We get to the end of the corridor where the big double doors leading into the infirmary are. Doyoung opens the door slowly just in case Joelle is sleeping and we all slip inside. 

Madam Pomfrey intercepts us, blocking our path to Joelle. “Visiting hours are over,” she says. “You can come back tomorrow morning.”

“We just wanted to check on Joelle,” Doyoung pleads. “Can we just see her for a little bit?” 

Pomfrey turns her head to where Joelle is lying in bed, craning her neck to see us. Emilia and I look around Pomfrey and wave.

“Can they stay for a little, Madam Pomfrey?” she calls. “Please?”

Pomfrey exhales loudly, moving back to her desk. “Ten minutes.” She starts cleaning tools. 

We jog over to Joelle’s bed. She looks tired, her eyes drooping and red, but she smiles at us. 

“How are you feeling?” I say. 

“Better,” she says. “Pomfrey gave me some medicine, so the bruising is mostly gone. I just have a headache now.” 

Johnny comes to stand right beside me. I move over the slightest bit, holding my breath. He’s really out here trying to give me a heart attack. 

“If you’re feeling better tomorrow, I’m taking you to Hogsmeade,” he says. “I’ll buy you whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?” She strokes her chin to be dramatic, making us laugh. “Deal. We can all go.” 

Doyoung puts his hand on her head, stroking it. She leans back, closing her eyes. “God, I’m so tired,” she says. 

“We’ll leave you alone so you can sleep,” I say. “We’ll come back early in the morning.”

“Early? Morning? On a Saturday?” She scoffs. “Sounds fake, but okay.” 

Why am I being so attacked today. “Listen,” I say. She puts her hand behind her ear. I sigh. “I’ll be here early for you.”

“I’m touched.” She puts her hand to her chest, making me laugh. 

Doyoung puts his hand back on her head. “I’ll come early, too,” he says. 

“No, don’t,” she says. “None of you.” She glares at me and Emilia. “Sleep in. I probably won’t wake up until noon anyway.” 

I breathe a sigh of relief. I barely get enough sleep as it is during the week, I need the weekends to sleep in. We all say our goodbyes and walk past Madam Pomfrey, who wishes us a good night, before we make our way down the corridor back to the dorms. 

I make an effort to stay behind Johnny to avoid conversation. I’m suddenly exhausted and I don’t want to say anything dumb to him. I mean, I would probably say something dumb with a full night’s rest, but when I’m tired? Anything’s possible. 

“I’ll see you guys,” Doyoung says. We wave as he walks towards Ravenclaw’s tower, the four of us continuing down the hall towards Hufflepuff’s.

“Let’s meet in the commons at around noon,” Johnny says. “We can go get Joelle and eat at the Great Hall before we head to Hogsmeade.”

“Oh, you want us to come, too?” I blurt. Why. Why am I like this. Why did I just say that. I bite my bottom lip hard, my face flaming and staring at the ground. 

I hear Johnny laugh. He claps a hand on my shoulder as he gives the password and we file into the commons. “Of course,” he says. “Any friends of Joelle are friends of mine.” 

Friends? Did Johnny Seo just say that we’re friends? I feel my chest ballooning and I try to fight the smile that’s trying to break through. I look up at him, his eyes sparkling down at me. 

“Great,” I say with a sudden burst of confidence. “We’ll see you tomorrow.” 

He smiles, following Taeyong up the stairs to the boys’ rooms. Emilia grabs me by the arm and drags me behind her up the stairs to our room. She sits me on the bed, a smile nearly cracking her face open. I shake my head to stop her onslaught, but it comes anyway.

“Where did that come from?” she practically yells. “You talked to Johnny! Johnny, who you’ve never ever spoken to in the year that you’ve liked him. Who are you and what have you done with Jay?”

I laugh as I draw the curtains around my bed to change into my pajamas. “I’m not totally incompetent, you know,” I say. 

“Whatever!” I hear her flop onto her bed, breathing out heavily. “You’re friends with your crush. You’re lucky. I wish I could be friends with Renjun.” 

I push my curtains aside and look at her. “You can,” I say. “We can invite him to Hogsmeade so you can shoot your shot.”

She shoots up into a sitting position, her eyes wide. “No,” she says. She sighs, lying back down. “If Joelle’s there, he won’t pay any attention to me.” 

My brain gears start turning to produce the best advice that I can. “It would be better to have Joelle there, wouldn’t you think?” I say. “You can start talking to him and he’ll forget he ever liked her and start paying attention to you.” 

“I don’t know,” she says. “Should I?”

“Yes!” I say, moving towards the bathroom to brush my teeth. “You never know unless you try. Plus, Taeyong is coming, so Joelle won’t be paying any attention to anybody but him.” 

“Wow, it’s like an awkward triple date,” she says excitedly. 

“Yeah, Johnny has a girlfriend, there’s some weird triangle between Renjun, Joelle, and Taeyong, and we’re both the odd ones out, essentially.” I put my toothbrush in my mouth and start scrubbing. 

“Not for long,” she says. She crawls under the covers, throwing them over her head. “Goodnight!” 

I finish brushing my teeth and bound into bed, snuggling into the warm mattress and pillows. Tomorrow, I’ll be in Hogsmeade with Johnny Seo. 

***

I open my eyes to see the sun shining directly into my face from the window. I grab my phone from my dresser and throw the covers over my face as a shield as I check the time. 11:50. 

I shoot out of bed and dive into the restroom. On a normal day, I wouldn’t care so much about my appearance, but we’re going to Hogsmeade with Johnny and I have to at least look like I care. 

Wait, he has a girlfriend. Why do I care? Do I think, by some miracle, by some grace of God, that Johnny is going to see me today, instantly fall in love with me, dump Jordan Kondi, and we’re going to be together forever?

I’m glad I’m not that crazy. 

After I shower, I brush my hair like crazy to avoid unwanted curls and frizz. I glance at my makeup bag as I throw on a black t-shirt and high waisted jeans. I’ll probably sweat all my makeup off from being nervous. I grab lip gloss and slap some of that on. I’ll be a little presentable. 

Emilia is still asleep, lightly snoring. I shake her awake. I will not be late meeting Johnny. She jolts awake, glaring at me. 

“What time is it?” she asks, covering her face with her blanket. 

“It’s noon,” I say. “Hurry up and get ready, we have to go get Joelle.” 

“Noon?” Emilia jumps out of bed, racing for the bathroom. “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner? I have to put on makeup! We have to invite Renjun, too!” 

I start getting my bag ready. “I feel as though me waking you up is not my job,” I say. “I’ll text Woojin. They both can meet us in the infirmary.” 

“Okay!” She comes out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth. “Go to the infirmary. I’ll meet you there!”

“You better not be late!” I say, slinging my bag over my shoulder and making my way to the door. “We’re leaving at one!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” I hear the shower turn on as I close the door behind me and bound down the steps towards the commons.

I hear two boys laughing as they come from the boys’ side of the dorms. I look up and Johnny and Taeyong are headed towards the door. I want to blend into the furniture. Please don’t see me, please don’t see me. 

“Jay!” 

Of course.

“Jay, right?” Johnny says, beckoning for me to join him and Taeyong. I nod as I drag my feet across the floor towards him. I need Emilia. I can’t talk to him by myself. 

“You headed to the infirmary to get Joelle?” he says. I nod again. My vocal chords are broken, apparently, and I have now assumed the persona of a bobblehead. 

“Great, we’ll walk together.” He opens the door for me. I step out, walking quickly down the stairs to keep distance between us.

If I can’t talk to him now, there’s no way I can survive the whole day at Hogsmeade. We reach the infirmary doors and I wrench them open. I see Joelle talking to Doyoung, sitting up, looking better. I walk over to her, Johnny and Taeyong close behind. 

“Hey, guys!” Joelle waves brightly, faltering a little when her gaze falls on Taeyong. I smirk, but I can’t say anything when I just choked talking to Johnny. “Where’s Emilia?” she asks me. 

“She’s coming,” I say. “She had to do her makeup.” Which reminds me. I whip out my phone and fire a text to Woojin, telling him to come meet us quickly with Renjun. 

“Of course.” Joelle rolls her eyes. 

“We’re just waiting for her?” Johnny says, eyes on me. 

My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. My eyes must look like bug eyes to him. “My friend.. Uh, Woojin and his friend Renjun,” I stumble. I am the most inept human being to ever exist. 

“Oh, cool.” He gives me a smile. I slap myself mentally. 

The infirmary doors open and Emilia dashes in, Woojin and Renjun behind her. She stands behind me, away from Renjun, who walks up to Joelle and starts asking her how she’s doing. 

“You’ll get your chance at Hogsmeade,” I say. Emilia shrugs. 

Joelle hops out of bed and throws the covers back over the mattress. “Off to Hogsmeade we go!” 

Off to awkward interactions that’ll probably make me want to stay in my bed and never leave it again.


	6. Chapter 3: Emilia Has a Love/Hate Relationship With Hogsmeade

We’re in Hogsmeade and I have to pee. 

I’ve had about four Butterbeers and I’m feeling them now, Mr. Krabs. I’m trying to walk with my legs close together, but it’s not helping. Joelle is at the front, talking and laughing with Johnny, Jay glued to her back, trying to catch glimpses of his face. Taeyong is trailing behind Johnny, his eyes trying not to look at Joelle, but failing miserably, his hair a bright pink. 

And then there’s me and Renjun. We’re not talking at all. I want to say something, strike up conversation like Jay told me to do, but my throat feels like there’s this little man inside of it holding my vocal chords together so they can’t vibrate to produce sound. Renjun keeps his eyes fixed on the ground, just following behind the pack. 

“Honeydukes?” Johnny calls to the back as we stop in front of the entrance. I shove ahead and push inside. They have a bathroom. I hear Jay’s laugh behind me as I power walk through the shop to the bathrooms in the back. 

I close the stall door, sending myself into the sweet release of a clear bladder. I put my face in my palms, elbows digging into my legs so I know that when I stand up, they’ll be asleep. 

I need to come up with a game plan. Long-term goal: get Renjun to like me. Immediate goal: speak to him. In my head, it sounds easy, but my palms are starting to sweat and my feet are starting to tingle from loss of sensation. I quickly finish up and meet the group in the shop. They already have their bags ready to fill up. 

“Here.” Jay comes up beside me, handing me my own plastic bag. I take it and we start milling around the shop, putting in different sweets. Renjun is shuffling around by himself, picking out random candies to put in his bag. He grabs a bunch of chocolate cauldrons and stuffs them inside, taking a bite out of one. Jay notices me watching him and nudges me. 

“Go talk to him,” she says. “He’s alone. Now’s your chance.”

I gulp, my hands tightening on my bag. “I don’t know if I can,” I say. “What am I supposed to say?”

“Talk about candy, I don’t know,” Jay says. She nudges me again towards him. 

I stumble and walk towards him. He’s starting to wander near the no-melt ice cream. I come up behind him and tap his shoulder, my heart hammering. He whips around, eyes narrowed. I take a step back and his eyes widen in surprise. 

“I’m sorry, Emilia!” he says. “I thought you were a stranger.” He gives a little laugh. My chest clenches. He looks so soft, in a light yellow sweater and jeans, his hair hanging in his eyes. I want to hold his hand so badly. 

“You know my name?” I blurt. This is going swell!

He laughs again, a real one this time. I suppress a sigh, holding back the smile I feel coming to my face. “Of course,” he says. “You’re Woojin’s friend.” 

“Yeah!” I say a little too loudly. He gives me a warm smile and turns to the ice cream machine. I take a deep breath. I’m overwhelmed. We’re having a conversation. I really want to run back to Jay and hide, but I have to keep going. Jay and Joelle would shame me for weeks. 

“You want some?” he says over his shoulder. “I’ll buy it for you.”

He’s already offering to buy me things? Wow, the sweetest boy in existence is offering to buy me ice cream. 

“Yeah, I’ll have the vanilla one,” I stammer. He nods, swirling some onto a cone.

“I’ll get vanilla, too,” he says. “Keep it simple.” 

I feel like my heart is going to explode. Why is he being so nice to me? Something’s not right. I feel like something is going to go wrong. I need Jay, where is Jay. 

He hands me my cone, his smile reaching his eyes. He has a snaggletooth. I’m meditating.

“Let’s find the others.” He walks around me towards Jay, Joelle, Johnny, and Taeyong. I follow behind him, my head spinning. I pinch my arm. Is this real? Is this actually happening?

Jay siddles up next to me. “So?” she says.

“I think I’m doing okay,” I say. “We talked and he smiled at me and he knows my name.” I dip my voice down to a whisper. “I think I can do this.” 

Jay smiles. “I know,” she says, walking over to the toffees. 

“Why don’t you talk to Johnny?” I say. Her face falls. “Take your own advice.”

“You know I can’t do that,” she says, stuffing toffees that she probably won’t eat into her bag. “I get too nervous.” 

“If I can talk to Renjun, you can talk to Johnny,” I say, beginning to shove her in his direction. She digs her heels into the ground, pivoting around me, causing me to slightly fall over. I glare at her back as she makes her way to the ice cream. 

“You okay?” I whip around to see Renjun looking at me, concern on his face. My breathing hitches as I nod, unable to speak. 

“I think the others are ready to go,” he says. He takes a hold of my bag, gently taking it from me. “I’ll get this for you,” he says, walking to the counter.

“No, no, it’s okay, really,” I say. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” He grins at me, pulling out a Galleon and slapping it on the counter. He hands me my bag back and we leave the store behind Taeyong, Joelle, and Johnny, Jay yelling behind us to wait for her. 

“How long have you and Joelle been friends?” Renjun asks. 

Oh no. Here we go. He’s just being nice so he can get close to Joelle. I bring my walls up, feeling my heart start to physically hurt. Why does this happen to me? 

“Since First Year,” I say. 

“Cool.” He must sense my sudden bad mood because he looks down at his shoes. “She’s really nice. I’ve been wanting to be friends with her, talk about Quidditch and stuff. I’m the Seeker for Slytherin.”

I don’t even want to talk to him anymore. I don’t want to talk about Joelle. If that’s all he wants to talk about, I don’t want to entertain him. I feel my anger rising, but I try to keep it controlled. I still don’t want to look crazy in front of him, despite him not caring to get to know me. 

“I know,” I say. I close my mouth. 

“Is everything alright?” he says. “Did I do something?”

Stop talking about Joelle! I want to talk about you! I want you to ask about me! I want us to get to know each other! I like you! Please don’t do this to me!

“I’m okay,” I say. 

“Are you sure?” he says. I only nod. 

Jay jogs up and smooshes herself in between us. “I can’t believe you just ditched me back there,” she says. “I almost didn’t have enough Sickles.” 

I love my best friend. 

“We’ll catch up with you guys,” I tell Renjun, steering Jay to the entrance of the hairdressing salon across the street. Renjun stops, a little stunned, before he nods and walks faster to join the others.

“Are you okay?” Jay says, her eyebrows coming together with concern. 

“He brought up Joelle,” I say, my heart falling to my feet. I don’t even feel angry anymore. It’s more like disappointed now. I didn’t have him pegged as the type of guy to play with my feelings to get to my best friend, but then again, I don’t know him. 

“I guess we have to destroy him now?” Jay says, making me sigh. 

“No,” I say. “I’m disappointed, but not surprised.” 

“Just wait a little,” Jay says. “See if his infatuation with Joelle fades out.”

“I doubt it,” I say. I see his face lighting up when he starts mentioning Joelle and I bite my lip to hold back tears. 

Jay reaches up to try to put her arm around me, but thinks better of it and just pats my shoulder. “There are plenty of guys at Hogwarts,” she says. “Give it some time.” 

I only nod as we try to find the rest of the group. I want to go back to my room and dive under the covers to forget this day, but it’s barely two, and we like to stay until late night, so this is going to be a long day. 

***

We’re back at the Three Broomsticks, the six of us sitting at a long table. I’m on my sixth Butterbeer, guzzling it down. I need something stronger. 

“Where do you guys want to hit next?” Johnny says. “Do you want to split up?” 

“Yeah, we can hit different places and meet back here in a few hours,” Joelle says. She nudges him in the shoulder. “Want to hit Spintwicks? I want to check out the brooms.” 

“Bet.” They do some kind of bro high-five. “Tae, you coming?”

Joelle shoots me and Jay an SOS look. We both look down at our Butterbeers, taking sips. Maybe if she’s preoccupied with Taeyong, I could talk to Renjun again? 

“No doubt,” Taeyong says, grinning at Johnny. He and Joelle make brief eye contact and his hair flames from its normal brown to a hot pink, making me giggle under my breath. 

Renjun glances at me from across the table, making me jump a little. “Want to go to Zonko’s?” he asks me. 

“I’ll go to Spintwicks with Joelle,” Jay says. “You two enjoy Zonko’s.” She surreptitiously winks at me. 

Jay, a hater of sports and sports things, is willing to go to a sports shop for me. A true best friend. 

“Okay,” I tell Renjun, making a note to treat Jay to the fanciest dinner ever. 

Johnny pays for all of our drinks and we stand from the table, going our separate ways once we exit Broomsticks. I wave at Joelle and Jay as they walk further down the street with their boys towards Spintwicks, Renjun and I heading in the opposite direction towards Zonko’s. 

Renjun is walking a little slow, so I have to lag behind to keep pace with him. He seems to be lost in thought, biting his lip and constantly pushing his hair out of his eyes. I don’t say anything so I don’t disturb him. Not like I could say anything even if I wanted to; I feel like my heart is beating out of my chest so loud, he can hear it. 

“Emilia,” he says after a long silence. I suck in my breath and hold it, afraid I’m going to hear Joelle’s name come out of his mouth again. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I know something happened, and I’m not sure what, but.” He scratches the back of his head. “Yeah.” 

I breathe out in one big breath. “You didn’t do anything,” I lie. “It’s okay. I was just thinking too much.” Which isn’t a lie. 

We reach the entrance to Zonko’s. He stops, my hand reaching for the doorknob. I pull back, unsure of what he’s going to say next. I’m already starting to feel a little overwhelmed again. 

“Next weekend,” he says. “Do you want to go to Puddifoot’s?” 

“Puddifoot’s?” I choke out. Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop is where couples go for dates. Couples. 

He blushes a bright red and looks down at his shoes. “If you don’t want to, that’s totally fine,” he says in a rush to the ground. “We can do something else. I have a match Friday, we can hang at the afterparty, we can just eat together-”

“How about just eating lunch together this week?” I say. I don’t know if I’m ready to go to the place notorious for being a couple’s hangout with my crush just yet. My breathing feels unstable. I think I might pass out.

He looks up then, giving me a small smile. “Lunch sounds good,” he says. He moves around me to open the door for me and we file inside. 

We spend a good two hours in Zonko’s, messing around with each other. My stomach hurts from laughing so much. We both buy a bunch of prank items to scare the others with and we leave the shop to meet the others at Broomsticks. 

I can’t believe we get along so well. We’re both into the same soft things, we laugh so much together. We only briefly talked about Joelle, but it wasn’t anything to be worried about. A bad day turns into a good day. I can’t wait to tell Joelle and Jay about it. 

We walk into Broomsticks laughing. The others aren’t there yet, so we sit at the table we were at earlier and order some cherry syrup and soda with ice. I’m a little sick of Butterbeer today. 

“Did you finish the Potions homework for Monday?” Renjun says.

I laugh. “If it’s due Monday, I’m doing it on Monday,” I say.   
He grins at me. “Well, if you want to be a bit of an overachiever this week, do you want to work on it together tomorrow?” he says.

I smile back at him, my chest feeling light and airy. “Sounds good,” I say. 

I hear the bell ring above the door and look to see the others walking in. Johnny is holding a new broom box, talking animatedly with Taeyong, while Joelle and Jay talk behind them. They spot me and Renjun and sit with us, ordering sodas as well. 

“How was it?” Jay says, sitting beside me. 

I only smile as an answer. “I’ll tell you when we get back to school,” I say. 

A successful outing at Hogsmeade with my best friends and my crush. And I’m seeing him again tomorrow to work on homework, which I probably won’t end up doing until Monday, but at least I’ll get to see him again. Hogsmeade comes through again with the making my life a little more magical.


	7. Chapter 4: Joelle Almost Gets in Trouble, But Is Rewarded Instead

I hate Johnny.

I’m trying to follow him around in Spintwicks to avoid conversation with Taeyong, but he keeps running away from me. Taeyong’s hair has been pink this whole time, which I don’t understand. His hair turns different colors all the time, but I forgot what it means. I don’t pay attention in classes and I definitely don’t read the books. 

“Johnny,” I hiss. He looks over his shoulder, giggling. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?” he says loudly. Taeyong’s hair has faded back to a brown and he looks over just as I duck behind a display for the Firebolt Supreme brooms. I hear Johnny laugh as he mills over to look at the Siberian Arrows. 

“What are you doing?” I jump and turn around to see Jay kneeling down beside me. “Hiding from Taeyong?”

I peer around the display to make sure the coast is clear and stand, smoothing out my pants. “No, I was just looking at the brooms.” I busy myself with trying to profoundly browse the brooms I can’t afford. 

“It’s hard to stay with you when you follow Johnny around,” she says, looking genuinely concerned. “I can’t be around him and you at the same time. I might combust from just making eye contact with him.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” I say. Johnny and Taeyong are a few aisles away, laughing about something. 

“Says the one hiding behind brooms,” she says. 

“Joelle!” Johnny calls. “Come over here, I need your opinion about something.” 

“He doesn’t need anything, just to torment me,” I mumble under my breath as I go to meet him. I stare at the other brooms I pass by, prolonging the inevitable. 

“Should I get this?” He holds up a Siberian Arrow. “I need a new broom.”

“You got a new broom last month,” Taeyong says, laughing.

“It’s always good to have back up.” He tucks the broom under his arm. “I’m getting it.”

“So you didn’t need me,” I say. I’m taking extra care to keep my gaze leveled on Johnny. He shrugs and makes his way to the counter to pay for the million Galleon broom. 

“He has a perfectly fine Firebolt back at school.” My eyes find Taeyong’s as he grumbles to himself. He notices me watching him and his hair flames pink again. 

“He just likes to spend his money,” I say, my heart hammering against my chest. 

He laughs, his hair slightly fading to a blondish pink. “When we come back next month, he’ll be buying a new one.” 

I laugh along with him, my face flushing. Am I actually having a light-hearted conversation with Lee Taeyong? What a fantastic day. 

Johnny comes back, his new broom tucked safely at his side. “Let’s go meet the others at Broomsticks,” he says. He looks behind me, eyebrows raised. “Where’s Jay?” 

I turn around and spot Jay at a display for new sports robes. Johnny calls out her name and she whips around, her eyes wide. Her cheeks immediately flush and she scuffles over to us. I chuckle, shoving her in the shoulder as we leave the store.

“Did Johnny call me over?” she says. “I think I blacked out a little bit.” 

“He, in fact, did,” I say. 

“What a day.” We follow behind Taeyong and Johnny towards Broomsticks. 

We get inside and Emilia and Renjun are already there, laughing it up. Jay and I sit beside Emilia, while the boys sit across from us. And of course, Taeyong ends up across from me so I have to stare at the table for the rest of the night. 

We order sodas since we’re sick of Butterbeer and casually talk. Taeyong and I keep making really awkward eye contact, his hair flaming pink every time. Johnny is going on and on about his new broom, telling us how Hufflepuff is about to win all of their next matches thanks to him. 

We finish up and head out, ready to go back home. My feet are killing me from walking around all day. Emilia’s face is beaming as she and Renjun walk side by side, deep in conversation, Jay and I forgotten. 

“I’m glad something good came out of this trip,” Jay says, nodding towards the two. 

“And Johnny also acknowledged your existence again,” I point out. 

She hits me in the arm and I pretend to groan in pain, making her laugh. We walk back into Honeydukes and make our way to the opening in the floor that’ll take us back to Hogwarts. 

“Hey, Joelle?” I turn and see Taeyong staring at the ground, his hair a blinding pink. My breath hitches and I stumble backwards, putting more space between us. 

“You’re good at Charms, right?” he says. “Johnny mentioned it once, I think.” He scratches the back of his head. 

I cough. Why is he asking me about schoolwork? “A little,” I mumble. “Why?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to help me study tomorrow?” he says. “I’m in Fifth Year, so I don’t know how much more advanced my work is or anything, but Johnny said you’re really good and you’ve helped him, so-”

“I’ll help you,” I say, cutting off his cute rambling. His hair fades into a blonde, his face breaking open with a smile. 

“Thanks,” he says as we descend into the cellar and follow the others back to the third-floor corridor. “Want to meet at the library after lunch?” 

“It’s a date.” I quickly stare down at the floor and choke on my spit, walking ahead towards Jay. It’s a date? Did I really just say that? With my whole mouth? I’m an idiot, an actual moron. 

We get to the entrance to the third-floor corridor and file inside, me trying to stay far away from Taeyong. I grab Jay and Emilia and lead them away from the boys, yelling a goodbye over my shoulder as I usher them towards Ravenclaw Tower. 

“I didn’t even get to say bye to Renjun,” Emilia grumbles as she plops down on Irene’s bed. 

“We have an emergency,” I say. 

They both look at me with worried expressions. “What kind of emergency?” Jay says. 

“Taeyong asked me to help him with Charms tomorrow in the library, and I told him it’s a date.” I bury my face in my hands, reliving the traumatizing moment. 

Jay bursts into laughter. I whip my head up and glare at her. “This isn’t funny!” I say. “What if he cancels or just doesn’t show up?”

“There’s no way he would do that,” Jay says. “He’s too nice to you.”

“We’ve barely interacted.” I flop back in my chair, arms dangling over the sides. “I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow. I’m not even a good teacher. I only tutor Johnny sometimes because he buys me Butterbeer.”

“Breathe,” Emilia tells me. I take a deep breath through my diaphragm, expelling it in one big huff. 

“Taeyong is really sweet,” she says. “If anything, he’s probably just as nervous as you are. You’ll be okay. It’ll be super cute.” 

What’s going to be super cute is when I throw up from being so nervous and can never show my face in front of Taeyong ever again. Big uwu there! 

“We’re going to head back,” Jay says, standing. “I’m beat from today.”

I check my phone and see that it’s almost midnight. I yawn, stretching my arms above my head. “Good night, you guys,” I say. “See y’all tomorrow.” 

They smile at me as they leave my room, closing the door behind them. I stand and make my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth so I can go to sleep. 

I glance at myself in the mirror as toothpaste foams in my mouth. Bags under my eyes. Hair is tangled. Brows need plucking. Pimple forming on my chin. I notice every little flaw on my face. Taeyong will notice all of these things, too, if I can see them as clear as day. I spit in the sink and wipe my face, turning the bathroom light off. There. I look much better in this lighting. 

I change into pajamas and flop back onto my bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. My body is screaming for sleep, but my brain is zooming through every possible scenario that could happen tomorrow. There’s no way I can sleep. My eyelids are drooping, but my stupid brain won’t turn off. I sit up and throw the covers off of me. We’re not allowed to be out in the corridors past midnight, but I need to take a walk to tire myself out some more. I slip on my slippers and my robe, tucking my wand into the pocket as I walk down into the commons. 

“Joelle?” Doyoung is coming down the boys’ staircase. “What are you doing up?”

“I could ask the same to you,” I say, walking down to meet him.

“Shouldn’t you be exhausted from Hogsmeade?” he says. “You usually are.”

I shake my head. “My body is drained, but-” I cut myself off. I don’t know why, but something in my gut is telling me not to tell Doyoung about meeting Taeyong tomorrow. “I just can’t make myself go to sleep,” I say. “I was going to go take a walk.”

“It’s past midnight,” he says, making me groan. He’s such a stickler for rules. In the three years that I’ve known Doyoung, he hasn’t broken a single rule. He’d make the perfect Prefect. 

“I know,” I say. “It’ll be quick, don’t worry.”

He shakes his head disapprovingly. “I’ll wait for you,” he says, taking a seat on one of the couches. 

“You don’t have to,” I say in a rush. 

He holds up his Herbology textbook. “Gotta study for a test anyway,” he says. “Don’t get caught.”

“Do I ever?” I say, smirking at him as I open the door and leave the dorms.

It’s so creepy being in the corridors after curfew. It’s eerily quiet, like I could hear someone breathe if they were outside with me. I take careful steps. I know Prefects sometimes patrol, so I have to make sure that no one hears me. 

I take a left, passing through Hufflepuff’s tower. I wonder if Jay and Emilia really went to sleep. Emilia probably did, but knowing Jay, she’s probably on her phone or something. I whip out my own, already having the brightness turned all the way down, to send her a text when I hear something rustle.

“Who’s there?” My thumb freezes over the send button. I look around, panic seizing my body. It’s probably a Prefect. I can smooth talk my way out of this. If I get points deducted from Ravenclaw, Kun will kill me. 

The Prefect steps into the small circle of light that the lamps hanging on the walls project and I almost drop my phone. I want to hide in the shadows. I’m literally in a robe and slippers and my hair is up. 

Taeyong’s eyes widen in surprise. “Joelle?” he says. 

“Hi,” I say lamely. Can I disappear? Can I learn that spell right now please?

“What are you doing out past curfew?” he says. His hair is pitch black, but the tips of it are turning pink. 

“Why does your hair do that?” I blurt. So much for the smooth talking. 

His hair goes completely pink and his face burns red. “I’m a Metamorphmagus,” he says. 

“A Meta what?” I say.

He laughs, his hair fading to its usual soft brown. “Come on.” He turns and starts walking down the corridor. I jog after him, nearly tripping on my robe as we make our way down some stairs. 

“Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, punishing me?” I say. 

He laughs again, grinning at me over his shoulder. “I’m considering letting you off the hook,” he says. “Since you’re gonna tutor me tomorrow.”

I feel my cheeks getting warm as I follow him through the doors to the library. He seems to know exactly where he’s going, heading towards a small shelf with the label “Metamorphmagus.”

“I made this little section myself when I was a Second Year,” he explains. “I’ve always known what I am, but I wanted to make this to really research.” 

I pick up one of the books and take it to a nearby table, carefully pulling a chair out so it doesn’t make that loud scraping sound that I hate. I open the book and flip to a section explaining what exactly a Metamorphmagus is. 

“I can probably explain it in simpler terms,” Taeyong says, taking a seat beside me, his voice low. “Those books make it sound super complex.”

I close the book and turn to him, my eyes flitting over his face, not really making eye contact. His hair gets lighter, but in the moonlight shedding through the window, I can’t tell what color. Probably pink since it’s always pink around me. 

“So basically, a Metamorphmagus is someone who can change their physical appearance whenever, without Polyjuice Potion or anything like that,” he begins. “We’re extremely rare. It’s different for everyone. Some people can change their entire appearance, some only their hair color, like me, or their eyes, stuff like that.” 

“Are you born with it?” I ask like a good student, my eyes locked on his, entranced. 

“Yeah,” he says. His hair is dark in the moonlight. “It’s not something you can learn.”

I’m suddenly more awake than I was when I left my room, my body humming being so close to him, my every sense and nerve attuned to him. I can’t believe I haven’t completely screwed this up. We’re just having a normal conversation. Well, normal for being at Hogwarts. And I’m learning so much about him, which I love. My brain feels light, for once, no Cycling, nothing. It’s just filled with Taeyong. 

“So can you do anything else?” I say. “Besides your hair changing?”

He shakes his head. “Nope, just the hair,” he says. “It changes based on my mood.”

“How many colors does it change into?” I say.

“Six,” he says. 

“What are they and what do they mean?” I say.

He smirks at me. “I’m not willing to disclose that information just yet,” he says.

I turn away from him, my face flaming as I bore holes into the book sitting on the table. I’m screwing up, I need to be quiet. “Sorry for pushing,” I mumble.

He laughs, putting his hand on my shoulder. I flinch against my will and he moves his hand away. “It’s okay,” he says. “Johnny and my family are the only people that have my hair color legend. I just like to keep it close to me, you know?”

I look up at him. He’s looking at the table, a sad little smile on his face. I want to pat his shoulder, hold his hand, give him a hug, something to comfort him, but I don’t. I’ve already pushed boundaries by interrogating him. 

“I think I’m going to head back to my room,” I say as I push back from the table, taking up the book to put back on Taeyong’s makeshift shelf. He stands as well, smoothing out his Prefect robes. 

“I can’t believe I didn’t know you were the Hufflepuff Prefect,” I say. 

He laughs again, pulling his phone out. “It’s almost two,” he says.

“Two?” I say incredulously. We were talking for nearly two hours? 

He holds his phone out to me. The create a new contact page is open, ready to be filled out. “Just in case I don’t wake up in time for our study session,” he explains with a sly grin. 

I laugh a little too loudly as I take his phone from him and punch in my information, saving it to his phone. Is this really happening? I must be exhausted because there’s no way Lee Taeyong would be asking for my number. He’s the hottest guy at Hogwarts. Every girl wants his number. I can think of a few people who would actually murder me if they found out he has mine. 

“I’ll walk you back to your dorms.” We leave the library and silently walk back up to Ravenclaw Tower so I don’t get in trouble for being out past curfew. 

We get to the entrance and we stand facing each other. It’s like in the Muggle movies when the guy would drop the girl off after a first date. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Taeyong says, about to leave. 

“Thank you,” I say on an exhale. He turns, eyebrow raised. “For not ratting on me,” I clarify. 

He just smiles at me and walks down the stairs, making his way back to Hufflepuff Tower. I smile to myself as I whisper the answer to the riddle, grabbing the eagle-shaped knocker and pushing my way inside. 

Doyoung is sprawled on one of the couches knocked out. I giggle and run upstairs, grab a blanket, and bring it back down, covering him with it. He might as well call the commons his room, he sleeps here so often. I go back up to my room and take off my robe, diving under the covers. My eyes droop with sleep and I close them, sending myself into a dreamless sleep. 

***

I wake up to Irene bustling around. She usually isn’t back until late afternoon on Sundays. I sit upright and grab my phone, checking the time. It’s five pm. I slept until five in the afternoon. 

There are two messages from an unknown number from about an hour ago. My heart drops into my stomach as I open the messages.

~ Hey, it’s Taeyong! I’m in the library whenever you wake up :)

~ Johnny came and helped me out with Charms, so we can just eat dinner together if you want?

I type back the fastest yes ever and save his number in my phone, throwing the covers off of me and climbing out of bed. 

“Sorry for the noise,” Irene says. “You were knocked out. Did you party last night or something?”

I think back to the library with Taeyong and I can’t help the smile that comes to my face. “No,” I say. “Just studying.”

***

Emilia, Jay, Johnny, Taeyong, Renjun, Woojin, and I all sit at a Hufflepuff table since they’re the majority, eating and laughing. I can easily talk to Taeyong now. Well, not easily, but I don’t bumble as much anymore. 

“Quidditch schedule for this week came out,” Johnny says around a mouthful of roasted chicken. “Slytherin and Hufflepuff on Friday.” He and Taeyong high-five. 

“Ready to lose?” Renjun says with a smirk. 

“Yeah, right!” Johnny says. “Get ready to be creamed! I got my new broom, we are going to crush you guys.”  
“We’ll be there to cheer you guys on,” I say, laughing at the testosterone flying back and forth. 

“Who are you cheering for?” Taeyong says.

“Hufflepuff, of course!” I say, a smile nearly breaking my cheekbones. He winks at me. He shouldn’t do that. Winking is my ultimate weakness. I will dive across this table and smooch him. 

“What about me?” Renjun says, pouting. 

Emilia smiles at him. “We’ll cheer for you, too,” she says, nudging Jay, who starts choking on pumpkin juice.

“Yeah,” she says. Johnny laughs and she ducks her head back into her plate. 

We stay in the Great Hall for hours. At nearly ten, we head back to our respective dorms to turn in for the night. I just woke up five hours ago, so I figure I’ll just play games on my phone or read or something until I have to get ready for classes. 

Believe it or not, I feel like I’m actually making progress with Taeyong. I like him even more now that I’ve gotten to know a little more about him. I just hope I can keep this up. Don’t let yourself down, Joelle.


	8. Chapter 5: Jay's Greatest Dream and Worst Nightmare Come To Fruition

Art is usually my favorite class, but today, I want to be as far away from this room as possible. 

I’m sketching, but it’s not coming together the way I want it to, even though I have no idea what I’m going to draw yet. I’ve ripped the page in a few places where I’ve erased too hard. The professor has been on my back about turning assignments in on time, but I’m battling the worst creative block I’ve had in a while, and my grade is starting to suffer because of it. 

The door makes the loud, scraping sound it does when it’s being opened as someone walks inside and shuts it behind them. The top of my head starts itching, like someone’s watching me. I look up and choke on my spit, nearly falling off of my stool. 

Johnny is making his way to the back of the room where all of the supplies are, setting his backpack on top of the counter where all of our backpacks have to stay. I try to force my eyes away from him, but they follow him as he opens a cabinet and grabs a set of oil paints. I can see his muscles work under his button down since he never wears the robes, and my throat tightens. 

Why is he in this class? Has he always been in here? I think I would have known if he was in here. I would have transferred out as soon as possible. You think my grade is suffering now? If he’s permanently in this class, there’s no way I can muster up the strength to lift a pencil, much less complete whole assignments to turn in. 

He’s walking over to an empty easel, setting all of his supplies down on the counter beside him. Look away, look away, look away. If he looks my way and sees me staring at him bug-eyed, that’ll be the end of the small friendship we were just beginning to form. 

He looks up and we lock eyes for half a millisecond before my reflexes kick in and I avert my gaze back to the scrawl of pencil in front of me. I try to cover my face with my arm, pretending to work really hard on my sketch, but I can feel his eyes burning holes into my arm. I want to look to see if he’s still staring, but my whole body tenses against the idea. I don’t think my soul could take it if we made eye contact again.

“Jay?” His soft, deep voice sounds above me. I feel it resonate in my chest, knocking around in my head. That voice that I love hearing across the hall. That voice that I’ve always hoped and dreamed would be directed towards me. 

Now, I want nothing more than to slither under the table and dash out of the room. 

I move my arm and look up, up, up. He’s much taller standing directly above me. His eyebrows are raised, a look of amusement smirking his face. I look down to stare at his tie. Anything to avoid eye contact. 

“It’s nice to see a familiar face in this class,” he says, laughing. He pats my back, knocking me slightly off-balance. He grips my upper arm to steady me, loosening his grip once I’m securely back on the stool. My face is flaming and I still can’t look up at him. 

“Thanks,” I murmur. 

“Mind if I set up station next to you?” he says. “It’s boring to work alone.” He laughs again. 

Johnny wants to work next to me, talk to me? Johnny? Me? My brain is moving in slow motion and faster than the speed of light at the same time. I know he’s staring at me, waiting for a response. My mouth is moving, but I can’t make my voice work. 

“Sure,” I say in a cracked whisper. He grins, moving away from me to start moving his stuff. 

I look down at my sketch of nonsense and grab up the paper, crumpling it up and tossing it into the nearest bin. I flip open my sketchbook to an old sketch of Joelle and Emilia, picking up my pencil to pretend like I’ve been doodling it the whole time. Did I do it in the hopes that he’ll see it and be impressed? That’s up for interpretation. 

Johnny comes back, setting down his easel on the far side of the table, dragging a stool to sit in front of it. He jogs back to get his oil paints, setting them down on the counter next to my arm. I move my arm, hopefully surreptitiously, and I see him glance over at my sketchbook. 

“Wow, is that Joelle?” He takes my sketchbook up in his hands and stares at it closely. “And Emilia?” 

I nod. I don’t mention the fact that I drew that about five months ago. 

He gives me back my sketchbook and positions himself behind his easel. I watch as he rolls up his sleeves and dips a brush into a tin of water on the table. He swirls the bristles around in the brown that he had squirted onto a parallel palette. His arm muscles tense and relax as the brush touches the canvas and he guides it down in a straight stroke. He stops, his eyebrow creasing in the middle as he breaks contact between the brush and the canvas, setting the brush down on the counter. My eyes search his face as he gazes at the canvas. He looks concerned, a little lost. My chest tightens with the overwhelming urge to comfort him somehow, but I refrain. 

“Did you just get moved into this class?” I say instead. My concern overrides my nerves as I talk to him. 

He turns slowly to look at me, but he doesn’t really look at me. He’s staring past me. I just stare back at him, at his nose, the crease still in between his eyebrows, his cheeks. My face burns when my eyes land on his mouth. 

“Johnny?” I say.

He blinks and his eyes focus on me. “Yeah?” he says as if he didn’t just blank out and transport to another dimension two seconds ago. 

“I said, did you just get moved into this class?” I say. 

“Oh, right, yeah,” he stutters. He picks up his brush and resumes painting. He’s acting like the past three minutes didn’t happen. Like he’s hoping I didn’t see the look on his face, that open, vulnerable look.

“Why?” I say. 

“I had to rearrange my schedule to fit in a Herbology class since I basically flunked it Third Year,” he says. “It sucks, though. I won’t be able to see Jordan as much.”

My hand tightens around my pencil at the mention of his girlfriend. I don’t like her, don’t like hearing her name. It physically hurts my chest when I see her draped over Johnny in the hallways, even though PDA is very much against the rules. 

“She was in my other Art class with me,” Johnny is saying. “She’s a really good artist. I think you guys would get along.”

“Would we now?” I say. It comes out nastier than I intend, but if he notices, he doesn’t say anything. 

“Have you guys met?” he says. He’s swishing his brush around in the tin of water, dipping it into green. 

I grip my pencil harder, smashing the led down onto the paper, a dark led spot blooming. Johnny pays no attention, just keeps swirling green on top of the brown he had already laid down.

“Not formally,” I say finally, grabbing my other sharpened pencil beside me.

The last thing I want to do right now is talk about Jordan Kondi. The perfect student, perfect Quidditch player, just perfect. And she has the perfect guy. 

“I’ll introduce you guys!” Johnny says, looking at me. “I’ll bring her to lunch.”

I start to say hell to the no, but he stands and makes his way to the back of the classroom to put up his brushes. I glance at the time on my phone. Almost quitting time. I breathe a sigh of relief and grab up my sketchbook and pencils just as the bell rings. I quickly maneuver to the back of the room where my backpack is, stuff my things inside, and make my way to the door behind the other students. 

“Hey, Jay, wait up!” Johnny calls. I turn as he pushes his way towards me. He claps a hand on my shoulder, giving me a wide grin, before steering me out of the art room and into the hallway. 

“What’s your next class?” he says. “I’ll walk you.”

I put my hands out in front of me, waving him away. “No, that’s okay,” I say hurriedly. “I have a free period next.” 

“Lucky.” He smiles at me, sending my heart into cardiac arrest. “Gotta go to Potions.” He mimes gagging, making me giggle. 

“Have fun,” I say, surprised at how casual I sound. 

“I’ll see you at lunch?” he calls as he walks backwards towards the dungeon. Other students file around him, glaring back at him. 

I give him a thumbs up and he winks, spinning around and melding in with the rest of the students. 

I grip my chest as I power walk towards Hufflepuff Tower. I need to lie down for a minute. The mini adrenaline rush that I got is fading and my hands are starting to shake. 

I give the password and walk upstairs to my room, saying hi to Seulgi in the commons. I shut my bedroom door behind me, dumping my backpack onto the floor and collapsing onto my bed. 

I just talked to Johnny Seo. We had a conversation. He’s in my first period Art class now. I don’t know what country I saved in my past life to deserve this, but I’m thankful. We’re slowly but surely becoming friends, which is what I’ve always wanted. Right? I can ignore my heart pounding whenever I see him from fifty feet away. I can ignore my palms getting sweaty whenever he smiles. I can ignore the dreams I have about him. I can easily slip into a friendship with him, no problem. I can do this. 

But I don’t know if I want to. I mean, I’ve liked him since First Year when I saw my first Quidditch match. I’ve been stacking up all of these feelings for him, all of the little moments of interaction that we’ve had, and I’m about to just throw it all away? 

He has a girlfriend. When I first found out Second Year that he was dating Jordan, I cried for a good two days. I would never tell Emilia or Joelle, not even Woojin. It’s something that I’m ashamed of and will take with me to my grave when I die. I’ve never beefed with Jordan; she’s just the kind of girl that I can’t help but dislike. She’s one of the top students, but everyone knows she gets other students to do her work for her. She almost didn’t even make it onto the Quidditch team, but she cried her white girl tears and got what she wanted. I can’t see what loving, sweet, kind Johnny sees in her. But then again, I’m in no position to know Johnny’s tastes. We only started talking recently, thanks to Joelle. Without her, I’d still be watching him from a distance. 

I don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s extremely hard to ignore these feelings that I’ve had for three years, but I don’t want to jeopardize the friendship we’re starting. I laugh out loud to myself, glad that Emilia has class right now. It’s not like Johnny would even start to have feelings for me when he has a whole girlfriend who he seems to really like. I’m not going to hoe my way into the middle of their relationship. I should just be happy for Johnny, not bitter. 

My phone chimes with a message from Emilia. I sigh. She’s asking me to bring her Transfiguration book to class, knowing good and well those books weigh a ton each and I can barely put my backpack on my shoulder sometimes. I get out of bed and move to her side of the room where her book lies on top of her dresser. I drag it down with a grunt, throwing it on top of her bed while I move into the restroom. 

I glance in the mirror as I walk to the toilet and do a double take. I have this one piece of hair sticking straight up like that kid from The Little Rascals. Did I look like this while I was in Art talking to Johnny? Why am I like this? 

I do my business on the toilet and go to wash my hands, avoiding eye contact with myself in the mirror. I put some water on my hair, smoothing it down and grab my brush, running it through the new frizz. I check my work in the mirror and shrug. There’s not much I can do at this point. I hear the bell sound from out in the hall, yes, it really is that loud, and pick up my now heavy backpack, clutching Emilia’s textbook to my chest as I make my way out of the dorms and down the stairs to the Transfiguration room. 

Emilia is there looking at the door when I walk in. She waves me over to the table where two empty seats are. I deliberately slam her book down on the table with a huff, making Jungwoo jump. 

“Sorry,” I mumble to him, even though he probably won’t hear me. I plop down into my seat and take my own dumbbell out of my backpack and my wand before class begins. 

“Thanks for bringing my book,” Emilia says with a sweet smile. I smile back at her, but roll my eyes. 

Joelle dashes in a minute before the bell rings, breathing heavily. “I literally had to run all the way to Ravenclaw Tower from Orchestra to get this thing.” She slams her book down, causing Jungwoo to glare at us. She shoots him a sweet smile and I swear he melts in his seat. 

In the back of my head, I remember that Johnny said that he’s going to be eating with us. With Jordan. I figure I should tell Emilia and Joelle so they won’t be surprised. They hate Jordan by default since I do, and they’re great best friends, but Joelle probably hates her more than I do. Quidditch thing I can never understand. 

“So,” I start, but McGonagall walks in, not as an animal or inanimate object today, so I decide to wait until we start practicing. 

“Teapot to tortoise,” is all she says. We’ve been working on the same Transfiguration for two weeks, which is slowly eroding my brain cells. I can do it, so I do it a couple of time and we sit and talk for the rest of the hour and a half. 

After I’ve changed three teacups into tortoises, I twirl my wand in my hand as I turn to my friends. “So,” I start again. 

Joelle turns to me from her fourth tortoise. “What’s up?” she says. 

“Johnny’s in my Art class now,” I say. My heart starts hammering as the realization dawns on me all over again. I get to see him three times a week, every week. I really did save a whole country for this amazing gift. 

Emilia puts her wand down, her eyes wide. “Your Johnny?” she says. 

I sputter. “He’s not mine,” I say quickly. “But yeah, he’s in class with me. He’s also going to eat lunch with us today.”

“Your day just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?” Joelle laughs, reverting her tortoises back into teacups to keep practicing. 

“He’s bringing Jordan.” 

Joelle’s wand nearly snaps in the death grip she has on it. Emilia is glaring into a teacup. I swallow, muttering the spell to change a tortoise back into a teacup. 

In hindsight, I probably should have protested more. I could have said I’m on a special diet to where I can only eat once a day and I already had breakfast. Or I could have said I have a test that I need to cram for during lunch. There are so many excuses I could have given him, but they would’ve sounded like exactly that: a bunch of bull spewing from my face hole that would’ve ruined our little friendship already. 

“Why is he bringing her?” Joelle finally says through gritted teeth. “He knows we don’t get along.” 

“He said he wants me to meet her,” I say, unable to look at her. She’ll never forgive me for practically inviting her mortal enemy to lunch with us. “Says she’s an artist or something.”

Joelle snorts. “The kids who do her projects are the artists,” she says. “She probably couldn’t draw a stick figure if the Lord himself came down on a ray of light and blessed her with the gift of art himself.” 

“We can always bail early,” I suggest. “Say something about a test or whatever.” 

“I’ll invite Taeyong so I’ll be distracted.” Joelle pulls out her phone. 

Emilia whips her head to stare at Joelle. “Wait a hot minute,” she says. “When did you get his number?”

Joelle looks up at us with wide eyes. “I didn’t tell you guys?” she says. “I could’ve sworn I told you guys.”

“You told us about the library date, but nothing about a number exchange.” Emilia is giving her an accusatory stare. 

“She’s right,” I say. “You omitted a vital piece of information.”

Joelle is flustered, putting her phone away. “First of all, it wasn’t a date,” she says. “He just gave me his number so we could study the next day, but I slept until five in the evening, so that never worked out.”

“Wow, you have Lee Taeyong’s number,” I say with a smug smile. “He gave his number willingly to you. I smell the most powerful couple in Hogwarts brewing.”

She nudges me, turning back to her teacups. “Shut up,” she says, but she’s smiling. 

Transfiguration passes by quickly, my mood from earlier feeling lighter. The bell rings to signal lunch and my dark mood crashes back over my head. I now have to go eat lunch with my crush and his girlfriend. This is the best day ever!

***

Taeyong and Johnny are sitting at a Hufflepuff table when we enter the Great Hall. Taeyong sees us and waves us over, his hair burning blonde. 

“We meet again,” Johnny says as I take a seat across from him. I can only muster up a smile since my throat is experiencing technical difficulties. Joelle and Emilia sit next to me. 

“Hey, Joelle.” We all look up and see Doyoung planting himself down next to Taeyong. “It’s okay if I sit here, right?” he says.

“Of course,” Taeyong says, clapping a hand onto his shoulder. Joelle gives Doyoung a big smile, and I witness another male figure melt at the hands of her smile. It’s crazy how obvious it is that Doyoung likes her, but she’s shoved him so far into the friendzone and has her goals set on Taeyong that she doesn’t even realize it. 

We fill our plates with food and they launch into Quidditch talk, which flies over me and Emilia’s heads. We just eat in relative silence, laughing when necessary, even though whatever was said was definitely not funny. 

I almost forget that Jordan is supposed to be joining us until I see her approaching out of my peripheral vision. Joelle notices her, too, because she stops talking in the middle of her sentence, her gaze becoming cool. 

“Hey, guys!” Jordan says in a fake cheerful voice. She sits next to Johnny, planting a kiss on his cheek. He grins at her, giving her a side hug, making my chest twist painfully. They really have to do that right in front of my roast chicken? 

“Hey, Jordan,” Taeyong says. He glances at Joelle and his hair turns black, his face etched with concern. “Are you okay?” he directs towards her. 

She wrenches her gaze from Jordan’s face and fixes it on Taeyong. He jumps a little from the anger he must see there. Poor guy. He’s never witnessed a Jordan and Joelle interaction. 

“I’m fine,” she says, giving him a tight smile, but he doesn’t seem to buy it.

I, for one, am ready and willing to leave right now, but that would look tacky in front of Johnny. My body is humming with tension, my leg jumping under the table. I don’t want him to introduce us. I don’t want to say something nasty unintentionally and make myself look bad in front of him. Then I’d have to avoid him for the rest of my life. 

“What are you doing here?” Doyoung says. I get the feeling that he doesn’t like Jordan either, solely because Joelle can’t stand her. That’s true love right there. 

“Johnny invited me,” Jordan says. “He wants me to meet someone?” She turns to him, a question in her eyes. The way he smiles at her makes me want to throw up the food I just ate. That’s a smile that he only reserves for her. I feel a bead of sweat trickle down my back in the most uncomfortable way. When is the bell going to ring? 

“Jordan, this is Jay.” He gestures towards me, winking. My heart can’t even get excited, it’s wrenched too tightly. Jordan looks at me with an uncertain smile on her face. “Jay, Jordan.”

“Nice to meet you!” Jordan says, holding out her hand across the table at me. Joelle can’t hold back the scoff she makes and Jordan’s smile falters a little before plastering back onto her face. I shake her hand lightly. I don’t know what the purpose of this is, but Johnny wanted it, so he’s getting it. 

“Jay’s in my new Art class,” Johnny says. “She has really nice sketches in her sketchbook.”

Jordan’s eyes light on me. “Ooh, can I see?” she cooes. 

My mouth forms the word no, but I hesitate. I don’t know if I want her to see my sketches. One, I don’t like her. Two, I don’t like her. And three, I just don’t like her. But if this means anything to Johnny, I should do it. Right?

I reach my hand into my backpack to take out my sketchbook. Joelle puts her hand on my arm, stopping me. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she whispers so that only I can hear her. 

I shake my head. “It’s okay,” I say. I take my sketchbook out and flip to the one I showed Johnny earlier, handing it to Jordan. 

She snatches it from me, her eyes wide. “Is this them?” She points at Joelle and Emilia, who both practically glower at her. “This is so good!” She starts flipping through the pages.

“Uh,” I say, reaching my hand out tentatively. Now my heart is beating in my throat with panic. Her flipping is making me nervous and I honestly don’t remember what sketches I have in there. I need to get out of this Hall. This is the longest lunch period I’ve ever experienced. 

Jordan starts laughing out of nowhere. I raise an eyebrow, my hand still reaching for my sketchbook that she’s ignoring. She looks up at me and my breath catches. She looks like she wants to throttle me, right then and there, but she’s still smiling, which is beyond scary. She turns my sketchbook around to face me and I feel my heart drop down to my feet. 

It’s an old sketch of Johnny playing Quidditch. She turns it to show to Johnny. He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. I can’t move. My body is frozen in terror. My worst nightmare is playing out in real time right in front of me.

Joelle reaches across the table and snatches my sketchbook out of Jordan’s hands. “The snake displays her snake qualities once again,” she sneers. Jordan only smirks in response. She grabs me by the arm and hauls me away from the table. I see her turn towards Taeyong and Doyoung who have both also stood up. Taeyong’s hair is so black, it’s blue, his eyebrows coming together. Doyoung just looks furious. 

“It’s okay, guys,” she tells them. “Let’s go,” she says to me, dragging me behind her, Emilia scurrying after us. I hear Jordan’s laugh, hear it ring in my ears as we leave the Great Hall, the giant doors slamming behind us with a boom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is going to be a two-parter from Jay's perspective! I also apologize for the lack of updates; I'm hoping to get back to regularly scheduled programming soon. Thanks!


	9. Chapter 6: Jay Suffers the Repercussions

I can’t hear anything but the blood roaring in my ears. My feet are moving, but I can’t feel them. A wave of numbness has crashed over my body. I can see Joelle pulling me into Hufflepuff’s commons. When did we get here? Who gave the password? Emilia rushes in front of us to unlock our room. Oh, Emilia. 

Joelle sits me down on my bed, she and Emilia sitting across from me on Emilia’s. I stare at the ground, unable to look either of them in the face. The numbness is starting to fade and all I feel is white-hot anger boiling in my veins coupled with extreme embarrassment and sadness. 

Why would she do that to me? Well, she’s the biggest bitch in school. I shouldn’t be even remotely surprised that this happened to me. Today was going so well. It had to be ruined. Johnny probably won’t ever look at me the same again. I don’t know if I can even face him. I already feel my face flaming and the embarrassment bubbling in my chest. 

She ruined any chance I might have had at becoming friends with Johnny. He probably thinks I’m a creep who draws him all the time. And I am. I draw him to help with my creative blocks. I draw him without even realizing that I’m drawing him. My feelings just manifest through my hands without me even knowing. I really like him that much. He helps me, whether he knows it or not, and now I won’t be able to draw him anymore and feel happy; all I’ll see is his reserved smile, a smile that severed our newly formed bond.

“We’re here if you want to talk about anything,” Joelle says into the thick silence. 

“Yeah, we’ll stay with you as long as you need us,” Emilia chimes in. 

I look up at my two best friends. The ones who had to endure my never-ending spiels about Johnny’s hair. The ones who support me, no matter what I do. They smile at me and I feel tears bloom into my eyes, but I rapidly blink them away. 

They won’t have to hear about Johnny anymore.

“Thanks, guys,” I say. On cue, the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. They make no move to leave for class. I’m certainly not leaving my bed. There’s no way I could fake a good mood to be in class. 

“You should go to class,” I tell them. 

“We’re not going anywhere,” Emilia says. 

“No, please,” I say. I bite my lip to keep more tears at bay. “I think I need to be alone for a while.”

Joelle’s eyebrows come together with concern, but she nods. She grabs Emilia by the wrist and they leave the room, closing the door behind them. 

One of the tears I was trying to hold back slips down my cheek and I wipe it away furiously. I’m not going to sit here and cry because Jordan was being the bully that she is. I’m not going to cry over a guy who didn’t even bat an eye, didn’t even try to defend me. He just let her do that to me. But what did I expect? A practical stranger to come to my rescue over his girlfriend? I dry my eyes and clench my fists in my lap. I’m not going to sit here and mope. I’m going to go to class, even though I don’t want to. I’m going to power through this day. 

I pick up my backpack and dash out of the dorms towards the dungeon. I just have to get through Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts and I’ll be okay. I have the rest of the day off. Maybe I’ll watch Joelle’s Quidditch practice. Anything to stay out of my room and away from my thoughts. 

I sneak into Potions so Snape doesn’t see me and take my place next to Joelle and Emilia. They both raise their eyebrows at me in surprise, but they don’t mention anything, which I’m grateful for. 

“We’re making Wildeye potion,” Joelle says. “There’s an extra copper cauldron in one of the cabinets.” 

I nod and bring my book to the cabinet with me to grab all the supplies. I load them into a cauldron and move back to the table. I need to put my whole focus into this potion. Letting my mind wander right now would be detrimental to my sanity. 

I finish my concoction, stirring it with my wand. Joelle and Emilia are mindlessly chatting about something, but I don’t pay too much attention. If this potion turns out perfectly, the rest of my day will be okay. I know it will. 

I wave my wand and levitate my cauldron towards the back of the class. It has to brew for eight hours before I can finish it. Maybe I’ll come down later and finish. Anything to keep me preoccupied. 

Emilia and Joelle’s cauldrons settle next to mine. “Why is that the hardest potion ever?” Joelle says. “And why do we have to wait eight hours to finish it?” 

Emilia giggles. “I thought you were good at Potions,” she says. 

Joelle huffs. “I am,” she says, flipping her hair dramatically. “I’m just an impatient genius.” Me and Emilia start laughing as we make our way back to our table. 

Renjun passes us with his cauldron. “Hey!” Emilia says a little too loudly. Renjun turns and gives her a bright smile before he puts his cauldron down and comes back to join us. 

“Want to eat dinner with us?” Emilia says. “Joelle’s going to be at practice, so the more, the merrier!”

“Can’t.” He looks genuinely sorry. “I have to eat with the team since we’re practicing after Ravenclaw.” He grins at Joelle. 

“Okay!” Emilia’s good at hiding her disappointment, but I can see right through her. I want to reach out and pat her on the back, but I don’t. “Tomorrow?” she says.

“Definitely.” He gives us all one last smile before returning to his seat. 

“Another date with Renjun,” I say, nudging her. My chest feels heavy even though I’m trying so hard to be lighthearted. 

Potions ends and Defense Against the Dark Arts breezes by. After class, Emilia and I follow Joelle to Quidditch practice. She tells us to wait outside while she dashes into the changing rooms. 

I glance over to the fields to see yellow robes riding the air. My chest clenches up as I quickly look for an escape route. I need to get myself out of this situation. When they’re finished practicing, they’re going to come down and I’m going to have to see him. 

Joelle jogs back out, Doyoung behind her, brooms in hand. They look towards the fields, casting worried glances at me, which I ignore. I hate pity. 

I hear loud cheering as the Hufflepuff team lands and disembarks their brooms. I feel my body freezing with the fight-or-flight response, but I know I can’t do either. I have never wanted to Disapparate more in my life. 

“All yours, Ravenclaw,” Taeyong calls. His hair is fading from black to yellow as he flashes Joelle a big smile, which, without even seeing her, I know is making her swoon. 

I keep my eyes locked on the ground, inching behind Emilia. I can’t even bear to see him right now. I think my chest will implode. 

“Have fun,” I hear him say. My whole body tenses at the sound. I want nothing more than to run all the way to my room. My head is swimming. I feel nauseous. Please don’t see me. Please don’t say anything. 

I feel him brush past me. Without even looking, I know it’s him. My breath leaves me in one gasp as he walks away with the rest of the Hufflepuff team. I feel like my body will give out on me any second. 

“Jay, are you okay?” Emilia says, placing a hand on my shoulder. 

No. I’m not okay. Trying to be okay right now would not be in my best interest. I want to sleep for as long as it’ll take me to get over Johnny. 

“I’m fine,” I say. “I’m just tired.” 

“Go rest,” Joelle says. I start to shake my head, but she gives me her evil mom glare. “Go rest,” she repeats. 

If I go back to my room, that means I’ll have no choice but to be alone with my thoughts. I just nod and turn away from my friends, all the energy in my body leaving. Maybe I’ll be able to instantly hit the sheets and fall asleep. 

I make my way back inside the castle, turning towards Hufflepuff Tower. I just have to make it back to my room in one piece and I’ll be okay. Today will be over and tomorrow will be better. Right? 

I give the password and duck into the commons. I raise my eyes and my feet freeze. 

How did they get here so fast? Was I walking that slowly?

Johnny, Taeyong, and Jordan are sitting on the couches. They all look up when they hear the door close behind me. I lock eyes with Johnny for half a millisecond before he averts his gaze to the floor. Jordan is smiling at me, not trying to hide her triumph. Taeyong has his pity puppy dog eyes on full display. He stands, making a move to come towards me, but I’m already racing up the stairs towards the girl’s dorms. I run into my room and slam the door, leaning heavily against it. 

I slide down towards the floor, putting my head in my hands. My tear dams are threatening to explode. I don’t have the strength to keep them back anymore. I finally let myself cry.


	10. Chapter 7: Emilia Snaps and Claps Back

I’m not a fighter, but I have never wanted to fight anyone as much as I want to fight Jordan Kondi right now. 

Joelle and I watch as Jay drags her feet back to Hufflepuff Tower. I debate following her, to stay in the room with her in case she decides she needs to talk to someone, but she hasn’t really had the chance to be alone today, so I stay outside with Joelle. 

“You don’t have to stand out here and watch us,” Joelle says. “It’s pretty boring.” 

“I have nothing else to do,” I say, shrugging. “I’ll just listen to music or something.”

“Go eat,” she says. “Maybe you can sit with Slytherin’s team. Next to Renjun.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me. I see Doyoung roll his eyes and jog off towards the fields. 

I squirm. “Wouldn’t that be weird?” I say. He already told me he has to eat with the team. Imagine if I just showed up and asked to sit with them even though I’m in Hufflepuff and definitely do not play Quidditch. 

“He’s nice,” Joelle calls over her shoulder as she runs off to follow Doyoung. “Doesn’t hurt to try!” 

I grumble to myself as I turn and make my way to the Great Hall. My feet feel like heavy blocks of cement I’m trying to force into motion. Everything in my body is screaming at me to turn around, walk around the castle, do anything but go into the Great Hall and see Renjun. My stomach grumbles against my better judgement and I sigh. I don’t have to sit with him if I don’t want to. I can always just sit with Jeno. 

I enter the Great Hall and my eyes naturally zip over to Slytherin’s tables. I see him amongst his team, a bright smile on his face. My stomach does a gymnastics floor routine as I turn my head and walk towards Hufflepuff’s tables. 

I plop down next to Jeno and Jaemin who are stuffing their faces. They both look up when they hear me audibly sigh to get their attention. 

“What?” Jeno says around a mouthful of food. 

“Nothing,” I say, food appearing on my plate. I nibble on some veggies, sighing again. 

“Em,” Jeno says. “Just spit it out.” 

I turn to him. “You know Renjun, right?” I start. 

I already feel like this is a bad idea by the smirk that crosses his face. Why am I giving him more ammo to tease me with? This is the entire basis of our relationship, yet I keep feeding into it. 

“Yeah, I know you like him,” he says, turning back to his diminishing mountain of food. 

I sputter, but I’m not even that surprised. He always knows my secrets before I do. I put more food in my mouth before I continue.

“I don’t know how to talk to him, like, more often,” I say. “He seems untouchable almost.” He has the air of a king and I’m just a measly surf. 

Jeno chokes with laughter, Jaemin doing the same. I glare at them, calling dessert to my plate. “I didn’t sit here to be bullied,” I say.

“Then why did you sit here?” Jaemin says through his gut-wrenching laughter. 

“I just wanted advice about Renjun.” I set my fork down, my appetite gone. Is this all even worth it? Like, do I really have a chance with Renjun? Huang Renjun? Me? I feel my mood souring, but I don’t think I should go to the room just yet; Jay might still want to be alone. 

Jeno stops laughing and turns to face me. “Look,” he starts. “He likes to talk about Quidditch. A lot.” I turn to look at him, eyebrows raised. He’s wringing his hands in his lap, but he has a serious expression on his face. I’ve never seen him like this. It’s a little scary.

“His favorite class is Defense Against the Dark Arts,” he continues. “Just talk to him about those things and he’ll never shut up. He also secretly likes to sing, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

I grab him by his shoulders and pull him in for a hug. He may tease me relentlessly and get on every single one of my nerves, but he’s still a really good friend past all of that. I pull back to see his bewildered expression. 

“You really are good for something!” I say. 

His expression changes to one of contempt as he shrugs me off of him. “You’re welcome,” he says, turning back to his now empty plate. 

I finish up my food and fire off a text to Jay as I leave the Great Hall. Now that I know some of Renjun’s interests, I won’t have to sit there like boo boo the fool and think of something interesting to talk about. Granted, Quidditch and school aren’t interesting to me at all, but the singing is something I can work with. 

I walk into the commons and see Johnny, Taeyong, and Jordan sitting on the couches, laughing about something. They turn to look at me and I glower at all of them. Johnny and Taeyong, the ultimate cowards. Jordan, the ultimate bitch. She gives me a little smirk before turning back to draping herself across Johnny’s lap.

“Are you going to see Jay?” Taeyong says. He’s got these big puppy looking eyes on and it makes me even more upset. “Is she okay?”

“Why do you care?” I say. It comes out a lot colder than I had thought I was capable of, but I don’t regret it. “You saw her come in, didn’t you?” 

He flinches, but puts his head down. “I guess I deserve that,” he says. 

Jordan sits up, glaring at me. “Who are you to talk to your seniors like that?” she says. 

“Oh, shut up, no one was talking to you,” I say. My eyes shift to Johnny, who’s just staring at the ground. 

Jordan starts to say something else, but I turn on my heel and march up the steps towards our room. I don’t have time to entertain her. If I would’ve stayed another second, I’m sure I would’ve socked her in the mouth. 

“Who are you to talk to your seniors like that?” I say in her squeaky voice as I lightly knock on our door. Jay never answered my text, so she might be asleep. I nudge the door open, cringing at the creaking sound that it makes. I peer around the door to see Jay sprawled on her bed, out cold. I close the door behind me, and tiptoe to my bed, lying down. 

My phone pings as soon as my head hits the pillow. I grab it from beside me and see an unknown number. I open the message and sit upright so fast, I get whiplash.

~ hey, its renjun! i got your number from jeno haha

My thumbs hover over the keyboard, not knowing what to say. Did Jeno offer up my number? Or did Renjun ask Jeno for my number? My head spins with all of the possibilities as I type back a lame response. 

~ oh, hey! what’s up?

That’s it, that’s the whole message.

We text back and forth for a few minutes before he has to practice. I smile at my phone as I look over to where Jay is sleeping. The smile slips from my face, my chest feeling heavy with guilt. How can I be happy about talking to my crush when Jay just had possibly the worst day ever with hers? What kind of best friend am I?

~ do you want to meet up and study or something after im done with practice?

I type back a quick yes, my previous guilt forgotten. Jay just needs to sleep and she’ll feel ten times better tomorrow. 

I debate putting on some makeup, but I decide against it. When I’m nervous, I get sweaty, and runny foundation is just something I do not need tonight.

A knock sounds on the door. I jump, turning to answer it, thinking that it’s Joelle. I crack it open and my eyes widen. 

Johnny is standing a few feet away from the threshold, his hands behind his back, staring at the floor. I walk outside, closing the door behind me. I cross my arms over my chest, anger returning. 

“What do you want?” I say. 

“I-” He coughs. He looks so uncomfortable, but I feel no sympathy for him. “I wanted to talk to Jay.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to you,” I say. “You had your chance. It’s too late to try to fix everything now.”

His head whips up. I almost take a step back at the fire in his eyes. “What did you want me to do?” he yells. “Did you want me to openly defy my girlfriend for someone I barely know?”

“If you barely know her, then why are you here now trying to talk to her?” I yell back. My fists clench and unclench at my sides. “Just leave her alone.”

He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “I just need to apologize,” he says in a quieter voice. “I feel so guilty.” 

“Good.” I open the door and jump in surprise. Jay is standing in the entryway, her face blank. I stand aside, not really sure what I should do. Should I leave them alone? Should I tell Johnny to go away?

“It’s okay, Johnny,” Jay says, her voice barely above a whisper. “You’re right. You had no choice. It wouldn’t be right to stand up for someone getting essentially bullied because how could you stand up against your sweet girlfriend?” She laughs, but there’s no humor behind it. She’s acting really scary, but she’s doing what she needs to do. 

“I’m so sorry,” Johnny says. “I didn’t want to be put in the middle of it, so-”

“A cowardly thing to say,” Jay says. “I can’t believe I actually liked you. I thought you were kind. I thought you would’ve at least said something instead of letting me sit there and get shamed.” 

Johnny’s mouth works, but he doesn’t say anything. He just turns around and we hear his footsteps recede on the steps. 

“I’m going back to sleep,” Jay says. “You coming in?” 

“I’m supposed to go meet up with Joelle, so I’ll be back later,” I say. I don’t know why, but in that moment, I don’t want to be around Jay. 

She just shrugs and shuts the door in my face. I dial Joelle’s number as I race into the commons and out the front door. 

“I’m coming over,” I say as soon as she answers. “I’ll text you so you can let me in.”

“Oka-” I hang up. 

I’ll just sleep at Ravenclaw tonight. I don’t think Jay wants me around. I think it’s best. Yeah. I’ll just give her her own space tonight. Hopefully she’s back to herself in the morning. 

I text Joelle as I approach Ravenclaw Tower. As I press send, the door opens and she comes out, waving me inside. 

We sit down on the couches in the commons since no one is around. I flop onto the couch, breathing out loudly. Joelle raises her eyebrows at me. 

“Anything you want to talk about?” she says. 

“I kind of yelled at Johnny and Jordan and Taeyong,” I say slowly. Her mouth opens and closes, but she lets me continue. “Taeyong asked about Jay, so I snapped at him, like, does he really care? If he did, he would’ve talked to her himself, right? And Jordan was being a bitch as usual, so I had to snap, I had to. And Johnny literally came to our room looking for Jay and she stood up for herself, but it was scary. It was really unlike her and now I’m here to stay out of her way.” I take a deep breath and stop when I realize that I’m rambling. 

Joelle is staring at me wide-eyed. I hold my breath, waiting for her response. 

“It’s what they deserved,” she says finally. “They shouldn’t pretend to care now that it’s already happened.” Her face grows sad. “I’m really disappointed in them. I didn’t think they would just stay quiet.” She stands, her mouth set in a hard line. “Can I go beat Jordan’s ass?” she says. “Can I?”

Nervous laughter bubbles out of me and I stand up beside her. “As much as I would love to join you, I don’t think we should. Yet,” I add when she looks at me funny. 

My phone pings and I look down at my screen to see a text from Renjun. “Crap!” I say. 

“Who’s that?” Joelle says. 

“I’m supposed to meet Renjun to study,” I say, already halfway through the door. “I’ll see you later!” I dash down the steps, cursing when they start to do their irregular rotations. It turns out to be a blessing in disguise when I stop in the direction of the dungeons. 

I don’t like going down here for Potions, much less to Slytherin Tower. They literally don’t know what light is and it’s always weirdly quiet in the commons, even if people are there. I’ve only been there a handful of times with Jay to visit Woojin, but I much prefer the lighted, fluffy environment of Hufflepuff Tower. 

Renjun is standing outside of the front door waiting for me. I feel my insides rearrange themselves as I climb the steps towards him. He’s looking down at his phone, so he hasn’t noticed me fidgeting with my hair and robes. He looks up when I’m right in front of him and he smiles. It’s like staring directly at the sun. I feel my knees start to melt before he gives the password and gestures for me to go in ahead of him. 

Like always, there are people milling around the commons, but they’re talking as if they’re exchanging secrets. Renjun leads me up the stairs towards the boys’ rooms. Oh, no, we’re going to his room? Just us two? I think about flaking, but we’re at his door by the time I decide that I do, in fact, want to Disapparate. 

“My roommate’s here, but he won’t bother us,” Renjun explains. “He always has headphones in.” We push inside and he shuts the door behind us.

My eyes flit around his room and I nearly choke when they land on his roommate.

“Emilia?” Jaemin takes the headphones out of his ears, a smile nearly cracking his face in half. “What brings you here?”

“Jaemin?” I say stupidly. 

“You two know each other?” Renjun says. 

“Yeah, we’re friends!” Jaemin jumps up and slings an arm over my shoulder, the smile never leaving his face. 

Great. This is exactly how I wanted this study date to go. Jaemin will probably record everything and send it to Jeno so my life will be even more of an actual living hell with those two. Fantastic. 

“We can all study together,” Renjun says, a big smile on his face. He looks at me, silently asking if that’s okay. No, sir, it is most definitely not okay. Jaemin will do everything in his power to embarrass me in front of you and I will not allow it!

“Yeah!” I say, my voice practically booming in the small space. Jaemin snorts and I nudge him in the stomach, making him groan and move back to his bed. “That’s great.” 

“I have a Charms test soon, but I have no idea what’s going on in the class,” Renjun says, plopping down onto his bed. “You can sit at my desk, Emilia,” he says, nodding towards the chair and immaculately cleaned desk space. I nod, sitting down, gripping my phone in my hands. 

I realize now, literally right now, that I didn’t bring my backpack from my room, so I’ll be studying with my brain, which isn’t always reliable. I debate on whether or not I should cancel and just go back to Joelle. This is the perfect excuse after all. 

“You don’t have your backpack with you,” Jaemin so conveniently points out. He’s trying to hold back a smile, but he’s failing. I glare at him, but smile when Renjun looks up from his book. 

He pats the space next to him on his bed. “You can look on with me,” he says with a smile. 

I shake my head and stand up. “That’s okay!” I scream. “I can just go get my stuff and be right back.”

“That’ll take too much time!” Jaemin pouts. “Just share with Renjun.” He winks at me before looking down at his phone. Probably relaying every second of this mortifying situation to Jeno. I want to melt into the floorboards and disappear. 

“Okay.” I clamber onto Renjun’s bed, my legs hanging over the side as I lean over his shoulder to look at the textbook. I’m looking at it, but I can’t see any of it. I’m hyper aware of how close we are; I can feel his body heat radiating off of him, making me hot. I can hear him breathing close to my face. This is everything I’ve always wanted, but not with Jaemin trying not to laugh across the room. 

I grab up my phone and send him a quick text.

~ i cant believe you never told me renjun is your ROOMMATE

I hear him laugh as I go back to blankly staring at Renjun’s Charms textbook. My phone pings with a response. I silence it and read Jaemin’s message:

~ it never came up!

I look up to glare at him as he sticks his tongue out at me. I wish I could throttle him right now, but that would look extremely suspect in front of Renjun. I don’t want him to think that I have a violent soul. 

“When do you have Charms?” Renjun says, his face dangerously close to mine. If I turned my head, I’d be able to see all the pores he doesn’t have. 

“Monday, Wednesday, Friday,” I say. “Second period.” 

“When’s your test?” he says. “I’m in fourth period those same days, so we’ll probably have ours the same day.”

“To be honest with you, I don’t pay any attention in that class,” I say. “I just ask Joelle what goes on.” 

“Do you have a lot of classes with Joelle?” he says, turning back to his book. I realize that I’ve been holding my breath and expel the air. 

“Yeah, most of them,” I say. I stand up and move back to his desk. It was getting a little suffocating being that close to him. 

“I heard she’s really good at everything.” He gets this faraway look on his face, a smile slowly decorating it. I feel my heart hammering painfully against my chest. Are we back to talking about Joelle only? I’m literally sitting right here. How has he not realized? 

“Want to look at my book, Em?” Jaemin is frowning at Renjun, but he isn’t paying any attention. He’s smiling down at his book now. 

“No, I think I’m gonna go,” I say, moving towards the door. 

Renjun’s head snaps up. “Why, what’s wrong?” he says. 

I bite my lip, not daring to turn back around to see his stupid attractive face. “I’m just not in a studying mood,” I say, which isn’t technically a lie. 

“I’ll walk you back,” Jaemin says. I hear his bed squeak as he gets up, but I shake my head furiously. 

“No, no, just stay there.” My voice sounds wobbly to me. I hope they can’t hear it. “I’ll be fine. See you guys around.” I whip the door open and shut it behind me as I descend into the dark quiet that is the commons and out the front door. 

Where am I supposed to go? I start aimlessly wandering the halls. I can’t go back to my room. Jay needs her sleep and her space. I can’t go see Joelle. I think seeing her would just make me even more upset, and that’s not fair to her; she didn’t do anything wrong. 

I thought he was over her. I thought, stupidly, that he might learn to like me. How stupid of me. How could I think, for one second, that he would like me over Joelle? Over anyone? 

I walk up a set of stairs and see an unoccupied window seat. I plop down onto it, laying my head against the chilly glass. The sky is dark now since it’s late, the stars just peeking out from behind the clouds. Maybe I can sleep here for the night. It’s definitely not long enough for my tall body, but it’s better than being in my room or anywhere else. I know I’ll be alone out here. 

I feel tears drop onto my cheeks, but I don’t even feel like I’m crying. I feel like I’m watching myself cry. I’m crying over a guy who I knew in my subconscious doesn’t like me and will never like me. I wipe my tears and close my eyes, letting the cool of the glass settle over me, numbing my forehead.

“Why are you sitting out here?” Jeno’s voice sounds from above me. I don’t even open my eyes, just shake my head. 

“I’m not in the mood,” I mumble, turning my body away from the sound of his voice. 

I feel him nudge my legs out of the way as he sits down next to me. He knocks on my forehead. I open my eyes to slits to look at him. 

“You want to talk?” Jeno says. For once, he isn’t smirking at me, or making jabs at me. There’s a crease of worry in between his eyebrows. 

I sit up straight, sighing. He laughs then. 

“Your telltale sign that you, indeed, want to talk.” He smiles at me and waves his hand, urging me to start talking. 

I tell him everything. About Renjun, about how much he seems to like Joelle. I yell at him about not telling me that Renjun and Jaemin are roommates, making him laugh. 

“I just feel really boo boo the foolish.” I put my head back against the glass. 

“You shouldn’t,” Jeno says. “His loss. I mean, there are other guys here. Hogwarts is big. If he doesn’t like you, he doesn’t like you. Don’t try to force anything and definitely don’t feel like anything is your fault. You’re a decent person, so someone will like you and only you.” 

I raise my eyebrows at him. “Wow, that’s pretty decent advice.” I smirk at him. “And was that a slight compliment I heard?” 

He waves my question away. “Besides the point.” But he gives me a signature wink as he stands up. He pats me on the head, making me swat his hand away. “Come on,” he says. “Let’s go back to the dorms. You should get some sleep.”

“You should, too,” I say, standing up. “You have a match in a few days, don’t you?” 

He puts a hand to his chest. “You actually remembered this time!” He makes a cooing sound at me, making me gag. 

We get back to Hufflepuff Tower and enter the commons. I wave goodbye to Jeno as I climb the steps to the girls’ rooms. 

“Sleep tight!” he calls up after me. 

“You, too!” I get to my room and carefully open the door. Jay is still dead asleep. I change out of my robes quickly and into pajamas, getting under my blankets. 

Jeno’s right. I don’t need a guy. I don’t need Renjun. If he doesn’t like me, then there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’ll be just fine. I have amazing friends and that’s all I need.


	11. Chapter 8: Joelle's Day is a Literal Trainwreck

It’s game day and for the first time, I don’t know if I’m going to go to the match. 

I’m still mad at Johnny and Taeyong, who both have made little to no effort to talk to me, Emilia, or Jay. Johnny literally turns around and walks in the opposite direction when he sees me in the hallways. Taeyong has sent me some weak texts, but I just ignore them. Until they truly apologize to Jay, they will receive radio silence from me. 

I walk into music, my last class of the day, and sit down next to Jaehyun, who’s tuning his guitar. 

“Going to the game today?” he says, not looking up at me. 

“I don’t know, not really feeling it.” I take out my flute and start putting it together. “Might just relax this weekend.” 

“You? Not going to a Quidditch match?” He turns to me then. “What’s up?”

I just shake my head, not wanting to get into it. If I start talking about it, I’ll just get upset. Besides, Jaehyun is one of Johnny’s best friends, so he probably already knows about it anyway. 

Music passes as it usually does, full of out of tune idiots who don’t know how to play their instruments. I pack up my flute when class is over and walk beside Jaehyun out into the hall. 

“I’ll see you at the match.” He gives me a stern look before waving and heading in the direction of Gryffindor Tower. 

I walk slowly back to Ravenclaw, a million thoughts swarming my mind. I can always just go and sit with Slytherin. I can cheer on Renjun. I just really don’t want to see Johnny and Taeyong flying up there. It would piss me off even more if they won. 

I’m not really sure why I’m still so upset. Taeyong has at least tried to make an effort to apologize to me, but I just won’t hear any of it. I just hate, hate, hate that Johnny let his awful girlfriend do something so vile to my best friend. Johnny and I aren’t particularly very close, but we’re friends, so I thought he was above standing by while someone is being hurt. I guess I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. 

I get into the commons and see Doyoung reading a big textbook. It starts moving in his hands and he readjusts it, slightly smacking it. I’m glad I decided not to handle the Care of Magical Creatures textbook this year. 

He looks up when I approach him and he smiles, closing the book securely so it doesn’t start barking. “We going to the match tonight?” he says.

I throw my hands up in exasperation, earning a puzzled look from him. “I don’t know!” I say. “A big part of me doesn’t want to.” 

“Still mad at Johnny and Taeyong?” He has a weird expression on his face that I can’t decipher for a split second before it goes away. 

“Yeah,” I say, sitting down beside him. “I don’t want to see them possibly win.”

“We can just chill here if you don’t want to go,” he says. 

I give him a grateful smile. Doyoung is my best friend after Jay and Emilia. He’s literally glued to my side if I’m not with them. I’m forever grateful for Kim Doyoung. 

“If you want to go, go have fun,” I say. 

He shakes his head. “It’s not fun without you,” he says, his eyes widening as if he’s said too much. He looks away from me, the tips of his ears turning red. 

“Oh my gosh, why are you blushing?” I say, nudging him and laughing. “Fine, I’ll go.” I’m not doing anything else and I have a perfect attendance record at Quidditch matches. I’m not ready to tarnish it over my petty tendencies. “Let’s grab dinner before we go.” 

We make our way to the Great Hall where Jay and Emilia are already seated at a Hufflepuff table, scarfing down food. We join them and fill our plates and our bellies before the match begins. 

Cheering sounds from around us as Hufflepuff’s team enters to eat. We all keep our gaze attached to our food, not willing to look up and join the celebration. I grip my fork so tight, my knuckles turn red, my disappointment resurfacing. But also, if I see Taeyong, I might crack and forgive him. Must stay petty as long as possible. 

They sit at the table in front of us, being loud as hell. I start eating faster so I can leave. I don’t want to make any sort of eye contact with Taeyong. 

I look up to see where Emilia and Jay are with their food and I see past them to where Taeyong is watching me. His hair is pitch black and his eyes are stony. I feel my breath hitch as I look back down at my plate, my whole body vibrating. He looks… mad. At me? Why would he be mad at me? 

Well...

I finish and stand up, stepping out of the bench. Doyoung quickly follows me, wiping his mouth with his napkin. Emilia and Jay stand, too, food still practically dangling out of their mouths. 

“Just finish eating,” I say to them all. “I’ll meet you guys at the fields. I just need to use the restroom.” 

None of them look like they buy what I’m selling, but they sit back down and finish eating. I power walk out of the Great Hall, passing by the restrooms and walking towards the library. I like to go there when my head is feeling cramped and my brain is definitely on its period right now. 

I walk inside and find a secluded table next to a small window. I sit down, putting my head in my hands to try to cool the Cycling. 

Why would Taeyong be mad at me? Don’t I have the right to be mad at him? Is my anger invalid? I’m allowed to feel what I feel without feeling guilty for feeling so. He better not be mad at me. Maybe I shouldn’t be mad at him anymore. He made attempts to clear the air, I just never entertained them and barred Jay from doing so as well. Maybe he does have a right to be mad at me. I shake my head, thumping my palms against my forehead. 

“Stop it, you stupid Cycling,” I mumble to myself. “This can wait until after the game.”

“What can wait?” I jump and see Taeyong hovering near me. His hair is that soft pink that comes when you mix a little red into white. 

“What does your hair mean right now?” I say instead of answering his question. 

His eyes are unreadable as his hair turns completely pink. “I saw you leave,” he evades. 

I stay silent, not knowing what to do with this information. 

He runs a hand through his hair, his free hand shoved inside of his robes. “I wanted to ask why you’re so mad at me,” he says, avoiding eye contact. “I’ve been trying to apologize, but it’s like you won’t let me.” 

I stare him in the face. Watch him grow more uncomfortable, still not willing to look me in the eyes. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I want to scream. I grab him by his arm and haul him deeper into the library close to the restricted area. He gives me a bewildered look as I let go of him. 

“Have you apologized to Jay?” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. 

He looks at me then, his hair turning into a bright angry red. “No, because you won’t let me!”

I work my mouth, but I can’t think of anything to say to that very true statement. “Well, you can now,” I say. “You owe her that much.”

He laughs then, but it’s more out of disbelief than humor. “Seriously? You’ve ignored me all week, avoided me at all costs, and now you say it’s okay? Why should I have to work around your schedule? You aren’t the boss of anything, though you may think you are.”

I get right in his face, my blood boiling. He doesn’t step back, matching anger for anger. “You don’t know me,” I say in a low voice. “I’m not the boss of anything, but I will protect my friends with my last dying breath. You’re the coward who couldn’t stand up for her.”

“I don’t know her, dammit!” he yells. “I was put in a really weird position, and it’s ludicrous of you to expect me to have said something.”

“It’s ludicrous?” I chuckle. I want to slap him so bad, do something to release this anger lying just below the cracking surface besides yelling in a library. I punch the bookshelf next to his head, not even registering that my knuckles will most likely be bruised tomorrow. His mouth settles in a hard line, but he doesn’t react. 

“You keep the company you are,” I practically whisper. “Johnny is wrong for not saying anything, so by association, you are, too.” 

He pushes away from me, pacing to a nearby window. He slams his hand against the glass, sending a loud booming sound out around us. 

He turns back to me, his hair no longer red, but pitch black, with highlights of blue in it. “You’re not the person I thought you were,” he says in a low voice. He sounds disappointed, which pings my heart, as much as I don’t want it to. “How could you say that? After all this time of me trying and you just discredit my efforts because I’m friends with Johnny. I’ve been friends with Johnny long before you even came here.” He looks at me, his eyes practically black. I take a step back, all of my anger leaving me at once. “I hate that I was wrong about you.” He turns and walks away, leaving me gasping for air. 

My knees hit the floor, my body practically convulsing. Sobs wrack my body, hurting my throat, disrupting my breathing. I clutch a hand to my chest, tears creating dark pools on the carpet. 

He’s not wrong. I’m a piece of shit. I do want to control everything. I need everything to be going my way, everything to be orderly. I can’t believe I basically broke his heart over something that had nothing to do with him and something that he was trying to fix. I would be a hypocrite to try to apologize to him now, but I have to. The guilt and self-loathing are already eating me alive. 

I stand up, wiping my tears as I leave the library. I’m glad the school is practically empty for the match. No one heard me bawling my eyes out in the middle of the library on the ground. I’ve been shamed enough. 

I glance in the direction of the fields, but I hesitate. Do I really want to go to the match now? Do I really want to see Taeyong right now? Can I even face my friends? I know I must look fresh out of an anxiety attack, but I already told Doyoung I would go. He never lets me down or flakes on me, so I shouldn’t do the same to him. 

I move slowly towards the fields amongst the bustling crowd of people doing the same. I’m knocked and justled several times, people giving me looks for moving so slowly. I’m basically walking into a nightmare, so they should cut me some slack. 

I walk outside under Hufflepuff’s side. I spot Emilia, Jay, and Doyoung right away, standing a little ways apart from the crowd. Doyoung sees me first and jogs up to me, Emilia and Jay right behind him. 

I try to not look at him directly in the face so he doesn’t see the tear stains on it, but it’s too late. He grabs my face in his hands, making me look directly at him. His eyebrows come together with concern. 

“Were you crying?” he says in a low voice so that only I can hear. 

I feel tears resurfacing, threatening to spill over. When people ask me if I’m okay or if I was upset, it just makes me even more upset. A tear slips down, but Doyoung wipes it away with his thumb before Emilia or Jay can see. 

“Sssh,” he coos. “Do you want to go back to the dorms?”

I shake my head in his hands. I’m afraid that my voice will come out hoarse and sad if I talk. 

“You want to watch the game?” he says. I nod. 

He removes his hands from my face and grabs one of my hands. Without another word, he drags me behind him up to Hufflepuff’s seating area, Emilia and Jay following. 

“Joelle, are you okay?” Jay says, coming up on the other side of me. 

I just nod, giving her probably the least convincing smile ever. She clucks her tongue at me, but she just takes my other hand as we sit down. 

The players are still warming up, so we have time to kill before the match actually starts. I see Taeyong at the goal, blocking Quaffles that Seulgi is throwing at him. His hair is pitch black, blending in with the night sky behind him. 

Doyoung still has a hold on my hand, casting concerned glances my way every once in a while. I gently remove my hand from his, sitting on them. It feels weirdly romantic to hold his hand and it makes me more than uncomfortable. He puts his hands in his lap, clutching his fingers together. 

The lights flare even brighter and the match is about to begin. Everyone around us stands, so I now feel obligated to stand. I see Taeyong near the goal, getting pumped. Johnny holds his bat in the air, his energy permeating the air, the Hufflepuff stand screaming. Emilia cheers as Jeno is introduced, him speeding around the field. 

As much as I don’t want to be here, the energy is contagious. I yell along with my friends as the two teams line up to get ready to play. Madam Hooch blows her whistle and releases the balls from the chest. The fly into the air, the Snitch zipping off, Renjun and Jeno following after it. 

“Seulgi is flying towards Slytherin’s goal!” Lee Jordan announces. I watch as Seulgi dodges around Slytherin’s Chasers, Johnny and Minho shooting Bludgers to protect her. I feel my adrenaline pumping as Seulgi rears her arm back and shoots the Quaffle. Yuta swoops in, knocking the Quaffle over to his teammate as they race to the other side of the field. 

The Hufflepuff stand groans in disappointment. Emilia screams loudly as we see Jeno speed past the stand, the Snitch right in front of him, Renjun at his rear. I wonder why she isn’t cheering for Renjun too, but I don’t mention anything. 

The match is pretty uneventful for the first half, with no one scoring. Lee Jordan is even starting to get a little bored announcing the same disappointing calls. 

“Do you want to go?” Doyoung says in my ear. “This match is boring.”

I shake my head. “We’ll stay until the end,” I say. I’m not ready to face the Cycling right now. Quidditch is something I love, so maybe I won’t have to suffer through it tonight. 

“Johnny Seo has knocked Kibum off of his broom!” Lee Jordan yells. “Kibum is fine, though, and is flying back up to join his team!” 

The uproar from Hufflepuff is deafening as Seulgi is racing back down the field, the Quaffle tucked securely in her elbow. Their defense is strong, not one Slytherin player coming close to her. Johnny sends a Bludger in Yuta’s direction, temporarily distracting him before Seulgi hurls the Quaffle through the goal. 

“Ten points to Hufflepuff!” Lee Jordan yells. The whole stand goes wild, jumping up and down. I high five Doyoung as my excitement builds. Finally, some action. 

Renjun zips by and I cheer him on, earning some confused looks from the Hufflepuff surrounding me. I cough, clapping my hands together to diffuse the awkward tension I feel. Doyoung laughs at me, clapping a hand on my shoulder. 

“Feeling better?” he says. 

“Definitely.” I give him a quick hug before I go back to cheering. It’s thanks to him that I’m able to be out here enjoying myself. I love my best friends. 

The game goes back to uneventful for a while, the score staying at zero. I see Jeno occasionally, his fingertips just barely caressing the Snitch before it flies in the opposite direction. 

There’s only two minutes left and Hufflepuff is still in the lead. I grip my hands tightly together, praying. Maybe if Taeyong wins, he’ll be in a better mood, and I can apologize properly so I don’t have to sit with my guilt any longer. But I also don’t want to ruin his good mood with my face. I take a deep breath, pushing the thoughts aside. They can wait. 

Slytherin’s Chasers are tossing the Quaffle back and forth, playing games with Hufflepuff’s defenses. They always play like this; they know how to play dirty without technically breaking any rules. Both Beaters send Bludgers in Taeyong’s direction. He dodges one, but the other catches him in the shoulder, causing him to yell. I gasp, my hands coming up to cover my mouth as the Quaffle sails through the goal. 

“Ten points to Slytherin!” Lee Jordan announces. The other side of the fields roars with cheers, our side groaning. I keep my eyes glued to Taeyong. He rolls out his shoulder, positioning himself back in front of the goal. I can see him wincing in pain, but he quickly grows serious again. I hope he goes to the infirmary to get looked at. 

“We need to get the Snitch,” Doyoung says. “There’s only a minute left.” 

On cue, Jeno whizzes by us again, Renjun at his side. They’re jostling each other, trying to knock the other off course. The Snitch is zipping around, avoiding their hands. Jeno leans in a little further, the whole Hufflepuff stand holding their breaths.

“Just grab it!” Emilia screams. I swear I see him smirk before his hand closes around the Golden Snitch and he holds it up in the air triumphantly. 

“Lee Jeno has caught the Golden Snitch!” Lee Jordan says. “Hufflepuff wins!” 

The air is filled with our screams as we rejoice. The Hufflepuff team flies by us, pumping their fists in the air. I look at Taeyong, look for any signs that he might be in pain still, but only a bright smile paints his face, his arms in the air in victory. I smile to myself, glad to see his excitement. 

“After party?” Doyoung says, guiding me out of the stands. 

I nod. Of course we have to go to the after party. I was going to just go back to my room, but I can never say no to a turn up. 

“You guys coming to the party?” I ask Emilia and Jay. 

Emilia looks to Jay, they exchange some weird communicative look, and they turn back to me, shrugging. “Why not?” Emilia says. 

We follow the crowd to Hufflepuff’s commons where the party has already started. The team isn’t back yet, so we grab drinks and sort of dance to the loud music playing. Jaehyun joins us, throwing an arm over me as the drinks warm us up and the music seems to get a little louder.

About a half hour later, the team shows up and we all cheer, holding our cups in the air as they disperse amongst us, grabbing drinks themselves. I detach myself from Jaehyun and mill around the crowd, looking for Taeyong. I don’t see him anywhere, so I tap Seulgi on the shoulder. 

“Where’s Taeyong?” I say. I had thought of asking in a subtler way, but I couldn’t think of anything. 

“He went to the infirmary, but he should be here in a few minutes.” She smiles at me before turning to talk to Irene. They get super close to each other, so I back away before they start making out in front of me. 

I go back to where Doyoung and Jaehyun are and continue swaying to the music. I see the door open and I groan as Jordan and her minions slide through the entryway. My heart leaps as I see Taeyong slide in behind them. I hand my cup to Doyoung, who calls out to ask where I’m going as I approach Taeyong. 

He looks down at me, his smile falling a little. I can’t read the expression on his face, but I know he isn’t too happy to see me. 

I gesture for him to bend down a little. He complies, putting his ear closer to my mouth so I can talk to him. My breath quickens at his proximity, but I say, “Can I talk to you somewhere?”

He straightens back up. He looks at me, a sense of hesitation in his eyes, before he nods and makes his way through the crowd, me following close behind so I don’t lose him. 

I run into something small as I’m following him and curse. 

“Watch where you’re going!” a squeaky voice squawks up at me. 

I close my eyes, calming my anger before it burns up. Jordan is sneering at me, her minions close behind her. The people around us have started to stare.

“My bad,” I grumble. “Didn’t see you.” I give her a condescending smile before attempting to move around her. She shoves me with her shoulder, knocking me into a huddle of people. 

“Your friend still mad I exposed her creepy ass?” she taunts. “Johnny feels so guilty, but I don’t know why. Tell your friend to get over it. She’s upsetting my man.” 

I whip around towards her, glowering. Many people have stopped to watch us now, but I pay them no attention. I hear Taeyong telling me to walk away, but I’m tired of this. I’m tired of letting her have the last word. 

“Don’t put my friends in your filthy mouth,” I snarl. “Imagine trying to sleep at night knowing you’re the school’s most hated person. Just could not be me!” 

“I may be hated,” she says, “but I have good grades, a great man. What do you have besides an obsession with Lee Taeyong?” 

I flinch. She smirks, knowing she’s hit a sore spot for me. I clench my fists at my sides, ready to pound her face in. A hand grabs my wrist and I turn around, seeing Taeyong glaring at Jordan, his hair flaming red. At least I have confirmation now that his red hair means he’s mad. 

“Did you come to this party just to start shit?” he spits. “Leave her alone.” 

“I can’t believe you’re sticking up for your stalker,” she says. “Johnny would not be happy to know you’re yelling at his girlfriend like this.” 

“Oh, he knows I don’t like you,” he says. “I don’t try to keep it a secret.” 

She scoffs, but she seems unfazed. “Take your stalker girlfriend and go back to being in Johnny’s shadow. I don’t have time for the two of you.” 

She’s about to turn away before I wrench out of Taeyong’s grasp and punch her in the face. She stumbles back, clutching her nose. Her minions crowd around her, asking if she’s okay, but she pushes them aside, fire burning in her eyes as she charges me. I sidestep and push her down, falling on top of her to hit her again, again, again. 

Hands grab me and I’m hauled away from her. My knuckles are bleeding and I’m breathing hard. Jordan’s still on the floor, crying, screaming after me, “Dumbledore will hear about this! Say goodbye to Hogwarts, crazy bitch!” 

I’m carried outside into the hallway. I push out of whoever’s grip I’m in, pacing away from them. I hear the blood roaring in my ears. My head is pounding in time with my heart. The adrenaline won’t let me stay still, my feet carrying me down the stairs. 

“Joelle!” I stop in my tracks when Taeyong’s voice reaches my ears. Mortification fills my lungs and I can’t turn around. He just saw me literally beat up Jordan Kondi. He must think I’m crazy. I’m on the verge of a panic attack, but I keep breathing. 

“She needs a minute,” Doyoung’s voice says. I didn’t even realize that he was the one who had probably carried me out. 

I turn around and see Doyoung standing in front of me, Taeyong in front of him. I lock eyes with Taeyong, his hair a dusty grey color, his face full of concern. He takes a step towards me, but Doyoung holds his arm out. 

Taeyong looks at him then, his hair turning a kind of green-red color. What does the green mean? “I just want to see if she’s okay,” he says in a low voice. 

“She will be,” Doyoung answers in the same tone. “I’ll take her back to her room. Don’t worry about her.” 

I step away from Doyoung, frowning at him. My previous adrenaline is starting to fade, leaving my head spinning. I walk towards Taeyong, but I stumble on nothing, causing me to curse. I’ve never actually fought anyone, so I didn’t know the repercussions would be me unable to stand. I did also have a few drinks, so that may be a factor as well. 

Doyoung steadies me, but I quickly break free from his grasp. He’s my best friend, but he’s acting more like my parent right now, which I don’t like. I walk up to Taeyong, who grabs my hands and inspects my bruised and bleeding knuckles. 

“Let me take you to the infirmary,” he says. “You’re hurt.” 

I can’t speak, my throat tight. The strong feelings of like I have for him are hitting me in the face at this moment and I’m trying really hard to not be the creepy stalker girl who likes him that Jordan painted me to be. 

The Hufflepuff door opens and Jay and Emilia come speeding down the stairs, running up to me. Taeyong jumps out of their way as they inspect me, Emilia on the brink of tears.

“Are you okay?” Jay says. She sees my knuckles and frowns. “I can’t believe you hurt yourself over her,” she scowls. 

I laugh, feeling relieved to have them there. “I can’t either,” I say. “But it’s time someone did something to shut her up.” 

“Hopefully her jaw is dislocated so she can’t talk shit for a while,” Emilia sniffles. Jay and I explode into laughter watching her wipe her tears and pretend to glare at us. 

“What’s happening now?” I say.

“She tried to stand up and come after you, but we stopped her,” Jay says. 

“I threw the Quidditch trophy at her,” Emilia says. “It just hit her in the arm, which is a little disappointing, but she started crying, so I guess I won.” 

“Johnny came in when she was crying and went to take care of her.” Jay mimes gagging, me doing the same. 

“He’s probably never going to talk to me again,” I say. I can’t say I’m not disappointed. It just sucks that our friendship is probably going to end because of her. 

“His loss,” Jay says. 

Doyoung coughs, making us turn to look at him. “Joelle needs to go to the infirmary,” he says. 

I shake my head, smiling at him. “I’ll be okay,” I say. I put my hand on his shoulder. “I just need bandaids.” 

He looks unconvinced. He opens his mouth to say more, but Jay and Emilia both loop their arms through mine, dragging me away.

“We’ll take care of her!” Emilia calls over her shoulder. 

I crane my head to see Taeyong. He gives me a small smile and a wave before heading back into Hufflepuff’s commons. Doyoung follows behind us, but keeps his distance. 

We get to Ravenclaw Tower and Doyoung gives the riddle, granting us access. We pile inside the commons, the door shutting behind us.

“Will you be okay?” Doyoung says as I lead Emilia and Jay up the stairs to my room. 

“Go ahead, I’ll be right there.” They go up to my room as I walk back down the stairs to stand in front of Doyoung. 

“Thanks for being there,” I say. “For being worried about me.”

His expression softens and he pulls me in for a hug. I bury my face in his chest, feeling soft tears spring into my eyes. 

“You don’t need to thank me for doing my job,” he says into my hair. 

I pull back, giving him a watery smile. “Thanks anyway,” I say. “For being my best friend.” 

He gives me a soft smile before turning me around and pushing me towards the stairs. “Go rest,” he says. “I’ll check on you tomorrow.” 

I turn and wave to him before jogging up the stairs to join Jay and Emilia. 

“Did he kiss you?” Jay says as soon as I enter the room. 

I sputter, slapping her on the arm. “Why would he do that?” I say. “We’re friends.”

Jay and Emilia exchange a look, smirking at me. “Of course,” Jay says. “You guys are friends!”

I scoff at them as I move into the bathroom to get alcohol and bandaids. I glance at myself in the mirror and gasp in horror. My hair is everywhere, my face looks all flushed and sweaty. I looked like this in front of Taeyong? I smirk to myself as I leave the bathroom. At least I’m back to worrying about how I look in front of him. 

I rejoin my friends, who bustle around me, cleaning my battle wounds. After I’m all bandaged up, I lay down on my bed, Jay beside me, Emilia on Irene’s. It’s the weekend, so she’ll be smacking on Seulgi until Sunday. 

“Do you want to talk about anything?” Jay whispers into the dark room. I hear Emilia’s steady breathing from the other side of the room, signaling that she’s asleep.

“Not really,” I whisper back. “I was just tired of her and gave her a taste of her own medicine.”

“That is the worst thing you’ve ever said,” she says. “How old are you, thirty?” 

I giggle, smacking her. “I was defending you!” I say. 

“Thank you,” she says seriously. “Thank you for sticking up for me.”

“That’s what friends are supposed to do.” I smile up at the ceiling as we both close our eyes on this trainwreck of a day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! I hope you're enjoying the story. I'm thinking of sprinkling in bonus chapters from the boys' point of views, so Johnny, Renjun, Taeyong, Jeno, and Doyoung. Would you guys like that? Let me know in the comments! Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it. :-)


	12. Chapter 9: Johnny Apologizes to Joelle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bonus chapter from Johnny's perspective. I'll make sure to add a note before the bonus chapters to clear up any confusion. I hope you enjoy!

I walk down from changing in my room to see someone throwing a trophy at my girlfriend. 

I push through the crowd to see who attacked Jordan, but their backs are turned and they’re walking away. They kind of look like Joelle’s friends, but I can’t be sure. I turn to Jordan, who’s sitting on the floor, crying her eyes out. 

She looks up at me and reaches her good arm up. “Those bitches attacked me!” she wails. “They literally threw a trophy at me!” 

I help her up and usher her back through the crowd up to my room. Her friends try to follow, but I tell them to wait in the commons. 

I push into my room, setting her down on my bed. I inspect her arm, seeing a fresh bruise bloom. Her nose has blood gushing from it and her lip is busted. 

“Who did this?” I say. I smooth her hair back from her face, trying to calm her down. 

“Joelle!” she says. 

I shake my head, blinking. “Joelle?” I say. I know she literally hates Jordan, but I didn’t think she’d actually fight her. I feel my heart sink down to my stomach with a mix of emotions. Regret. Anger. And lots of guilt. 

“Don’t talk to her anymore,” Jordan says. She stands up, pushing past me to go to the restroom. “She’s a bitch. I don’t want her anywhere near you.” 

“Babe-” I start.

“Understand?” she cuts me off. She pokes at her lip, more tears leaking out of her eyes. “This will take forever to heal!” she moans. 

I sit down heavily on my bed. It’s not like me and Joelle have talked recently. I can’t look at her knowing that I still haven’t apologized to her friend, Jay. But what do I say? Sorry my girlfriend was rude? Sorry I had to see your drawings of me? I feel like I should be getting an apology for getting shoved into such a weird situation, but all the fingers are pointed at me for being in the wrong. SHE drew ME. What am I supposed to do with that?

Jordan comes out of the bathroom holding a paper towel to her nose. “I’m going back to my room,” she says.

I nod, staring at the ground, still lost in thought. She snaps her fingers in my face, causing me to snap my head up. 

“Hello? I said I’m going back to my room.” She stares at me, waiting for a response. 

“I’ll walk you back,” I say slowly, standing up to follow her back downstairs. 

Her friends are gone, as are most of the people. I spy Taeyong talking with Jaehyun in a corner. He looks up and his eyes narrow at me, turning back to Jaehyun. I clench my fists, but I just follow Jordan outside and towards Gryffindor Tower.

Taeyong’s taking Joelle’s side over mine? We’ve been best friends since First Year. I know he has the biggest crush on her, but damn, can’t he at least see where I’m coming from? How would he feel if some girl he barely knows was drawing him? 

I guess it’s not fair of me to be mad, though. How was she supposed to know I was ever going to see that drawing? I should definitely apologize for Jordan at least, seeing as she is my girlfriend, and she’s not the type to say sorry. 

“Are you even listening to me?” Her voice cuts through my inner dialogue and I quickly look down at her. She’s stopped in front of the stairs leading up to the Gryffindor dorms, her arms crossed over her chest. 

“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind,” I say.

“Go think about it then.” She leans up and pecks me on the cheek, wincing in pain from her busted lip. “Text me tomorrow.” She walks up the stairs, disappearing inside. 

I sigh, disappointed but not surprised. I wish I could talk to her when I have something on my mind, but she’s more of a talker than a listener, which is okay. I have friends who will listen to me. Taeyong is the best listener, but I doubt he’ll talk to me. I need to talk to Jay as soon as possible. 

I pull out my phone and hesitate. Would Joelle be asleep right now? It is nearly one in the morning. I text her anyway, asking if we can talk. I put my phone in my pocket and walk slowly back to Hufflepuff. I’m kind of not in the mood to argue with Taeyong right now. 

I get to the commons and see a few teammates milling around. I greet them before reluctantly climbing the stairs up to my room. I didn’t see Taeyong there, so he must be in our room. 

I open the door to see him sitting on his bed, typing away on his phone. His hair is a bright yellow, which I know means he’s happy. He hasn’t told me exactly what his hair colors mean, but we’ve been friends for five years, so I’ve pretty much figured them out on my own. 

He turns as I close the door and his hair dims down to a neutral brown, which is his natural hair color. “Hey,” he says. 

“Hey.” I go to sit on my bed, pulling my phone out. Still no reply from Joelle. Taeyong’s phone pings and he types back furiously. 

“Are you talking to Joelle?” I say. 

He looks up, his eyebrows raised. “Yeah, why?” he says. 

“I texted her, but she hasn’t responded.” I glance down at my phone again. I figured she would ignore me. 

“I’ll tell her to reply.” He fires off a message, not really looking at me. 

“Thanks, man.” I want to say so much more. Thank you for not completely turning your back on me. Thank you for putting up with Jordan even though you don’t like her. Thank you for trusting me and sticking by my side. But I stay silent as I wait for a reply from Joelle. 

My phone buzzes and I glance down to see what she’s written. 

~ come to ravenclaw commons. 

I shoot off of my bed, saying, “I’ll be back later.”

“See you.” Taeyong lays back on his bed, his eyes glued to his phone. I leave Hufflepuff and speed walk to Ravenclaw. The faster I can get this guilty weight off of my chest, the better. 

She’s waiting outside when I get there. She has on her pajamas, her face ragged with exhaustion, but her eyes sharp as they study me. I cower under her intense stare, the guilt nearly suffocating me. She leads me inside and we sit on one of the plush couches.

Neither of us say anything for a while. There’s so much I want to say, need to say, but it’s hard to filter it through my mouth. I want this to be as put together as possible. I need to clear the air. I want my friend back. 

“First,” I start. “I want to apologize to you.”

“You didn’t do anything to me,” she says. She’s still scrutinizing me, making my skin squirm with discomfort. This is the situation that I’ve been trying to avoid for so long. But the guilt hurts more than a little awkwardness. 

“I did,” I say. “I hurt your friend, which hurts you. I know how protective you are.” 

I see the ghost of a smile pass across her face, so I press on. “I didn’t know what to do in that situation. I know none of you like Jordan, especially you, but she’s my girlfriend. She’s special to me. She was one of the first people I met at Hogwarts and she helped me through some pretty dark stuff Second Year.” I cut myself off. I don’t want to get into my deep, dark past right now. I just need to stick to apologizing. “I just want to say that I’m sorry for staying silent. What Jordan did was wrong, so I’ll apologize for the both of us.” 

She quirks her eyebrow at me, a real smile presenting itself on her face. “Wow, Seo,” she says. “That’s a damn good apology.” She scoots closer to me, pulling me in for a hug. I wrap my arms around her, my breathing coming a little easier now. 

“Are we good?” I ask as I pull away from her. 

“We’re good.” Her face grows serious again and my heart thumps. “But you need to apologize to Jay.”

The thumping grows louder. “Is she here?” I say. 

Joelle nods. “But she’s already asleep, and I don’t want to wake her,” she says. “Text me tomorrow and I’ll tell her to meet you somewhere.”

Tomorrow? I don’t know if I’ll be able to wait that long, but I nod anyway. “Thanks for talking to me,” I say. “And listening.” 

She smiles, patting me on the shoulder. “Anytime,” she says. 

I start to feel weirdly emotional, so I stand, making my way to the door. “I’ll let you sleep now,” I say. “See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow,” she says, waving as she climbs the stairs back to her room. 

I walk slowly back to my room, feeling lighter than I’ve felt all week. We won our match and I got my friend back. I still have to apologize to Jay, but I think it’ll be okay. I just hope she knows that I’m being sincere. I need her to know that the last thing I wanted was for her to get hurt. 

I regret everything about that situation. I regret letting Jordan show me that drawing. I regret not scolding her. I regret letting Jay leave the Great Hall without me saying sorry right then and there. Jay getting hurt has been hurting me more than I’d like to admit. The worst feeling in the world is to have someone dislike you. I need her to forgive me. She doesn’t have to necessarily like me. I just need a fresh start. 

I make it back to my room to a passed out Taeyong. I climb into my bed, only slipping off my shoes, too tired to change into pajamas. I pull the covers up to my chin and close my eyes, letting sleep take the wheel. 

***

I’m floating. It’s pitch black everywhere I turn. It’s like my eyes are closed. I want so desperately to see. 

Voices start murmuring in my ears. I can’t pin down what they’re saying. I strain my ears, focusing in on one voice. 

“Johnny, where are you going?” My body freezes, my eyes searching the darkness. I whip around and around, trying to find the source.

“Johnny, are you even listening to me?” Jordan’s voice. “God, what kind of boyfriend are you?” 

“Practice makes perfect.” Taeyong telling me to practice Quidditch. I can’t see anything. Why is it so dark? 

“Johnny, please come home.” I clamp my hands over my ears, the voices getting louder and louder, ringing in my head. I see their words surrounding me, closing in on me, trapping me. 

I yell, trying to hear myself over the screaming voices, shut my eyes, but the words won’t go away, they’re getting closer and closer, they’re right on top of me… 

I sit up in bed, a gasp ripping from my throat. I’m drenched in sweat, my sheets soaked through. I claw at my throat, it feeling dry. Almost like I had been screaming. 

I get out of bed and move into the restroom to grab some water. I fill a glass with water from the sink, chugging it in one go. I put the glass back on the sink as I recover my breath.

“Just a bad dream,” I murmur to myself. 

I go back to my bed to check the time on my phone. 6AM. Taeyong would probably be waking up in an hour or two to go work out. I feel the guilt slam into my gut all at once as I remember that I’ll be apologizing to Jay today. I lay back down, unsure if I’ll be able to go back to sleep. 

Please let this work out. Please let her hear what I’m saying. 

I don’t know how much time passes as I stare up at the ceiling, but I hear Taeyong get up and move around the room quietly. I close my eyes to pretend like I’m sleeping. He leaves the room after a while, shutting the door carefully. He’s always been a considerate roommate. 

Taeyong comes back what feels like hours later, still taking caution to be quiet. 

“I’m up,” I say to the ceiling. 

“How was talking to Joelle?” he says, going into the bathroom and turning on the shower.

“It was great,” I say truthfully. “She accepted my apology, so I think we’re back on speaking terms.”

“That’s great, man.” He smiles at me, his hair turning a blondish brown. “I’m glad everything worked out.” 

I sit up in bed, ignoring the increase in my heartbeat. “I’m going to talk to Jay today,” I say. 

“You nervous?” he says. 

Yes. “No, I think it’ll be okay,” I say. “I’m just waiting for Joelle to text me.” 

“She texted me earlier, so she’s awake.” His hair gets pink. “I’m like, really falling for her, John. I’ve literally never liked anyone, so I don’t know what I’m doing.”

I laugh at his red face and bright hair. “Just make your move,” I say. “I’m sure she feels the same way.”

“How do you know?” he says, his eyes widening. 

I laugh even harder. He had literally never mentioned liking a girl to me until Joelle came. It was a little weird, but I just chalked that up to him being super shy. It’s taken him two years to grow a pair and talk to Joelle and it’s nice to see him actually happy. “Just a hunch.” I gesture to the shower. “Want to hop in?”

He gives me a quick smile before dashing into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. As if on cue, my phone buzzes with a message from Joelle. 

~ meet jay in the library in ten ! 

I debate putting on something nice before I just throw on a sweater and some clean jeans. I tuck my wand into the back waistband of my jeans before leaving the room. Taeyong will know why I’m gone.

The walk to the library seems to take years and milliseconds at the same time. I stare at the entrance to the library. This is it. The guilt will go away. Everything will go back to normal. I need normalcy back. 

My gut swarming with butterflies, I walk inside.


	13. Chapter 10: Jay and Johnny Are Cool Again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm sorry this took so long. I started school two weeks ago, so I haven't been able to really sit down and write. I'll try to post consistently, but I apologize in advance for large gaps. I hope you enjoy!

The hall is dead quiet. 

Why is there no one trying to go into the library? Why am I the only one standing in front of these big double doors, staring down my doom? 

When I woke up this morning, Joelle and Emilia were already awake, whispering. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, letting loose a strong yawn. 

Joelle looked and ran over to me. “Johnny wants to talk to you,” she said.

I laid back down and pulled the covers over my head, begging sleep to come back. Joelle ripped the covers back off of me and made me sit up. 

“He apologized to me last night,” she said. “He seemed genuine.”

“What did he apologize to you for?” I grumbled. “He didn’t leave you to be humiliated in front of the entirety of Hogwarts.” 

She gave me her angry mom look and sighed. “Just hear him out, okay? He’s at the library to meet you.”

“I couldn’t get any warning?” I literally shot out of bed and ran to the door before stopping. At that moment, I was thinking to myself, why am I so eager to go to probably a super embarrassing situation? I hadn’t faced Johnny since that day and I’m suddenly so excited to go see him? 

“Just go get changed and meet him!” Emilia said. “He’s waiting.”

“I’ll get there when I get there.” I said that with my mouth, but inside, I was dying to just run all the way back to Hufflepuff Tower and shower away any particle of smell on me and replace it with the scent of my neutral body wash. 

I did that after forcing myself to be calm and walk back to my room. I ran a brush through my hair, tying it back into a ponytail to minimize the drying damage. And now I’m here, in front of the library doors, tugging on the hem of my shirt with nervous energy. 

I know the moment I see him, I’m going to forgive him. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize a chance at starting over, being friends. Even if it means forgiving him for eternal mortification. 

I take a deep breath and push open the doors. I don’t know where exactly he is, which, in hindsight, I probably should have asked Joelle. Now I’ll be wandering around this huge library, looking lost and confused, trying to find him. 

I walk down the aisles, peeking my head down each one to see where he is. I walk around the perimeter to see if he’s sitting at one of the tables near the windows. After about a good solid two minutes, I’m ready to give up and go back to my room, when I see him pacing back and forth right in front of the restricted area. 

I dive into an aisle so he doesn’t see me. I don’t know why I’m nervous, but I am. He’s the one who’s apologizing to me. I can already feel the awkward tension brewing even though he hasn’t seen me yet.

I walk out of the aisle and approach him, keeping a good distance between us. He turns and stops pacing, his eyes wide saucers in his face as he takes in my presence. 

I already feel the forgiveness bubbling in my throat, ready to spew at him, but I hold it at bay. I need to hear what he’s going to say first. 

“Hey,” he says. He’s standing stock still, like I yelled, “Petrificus Totalus!” as soon as he laid eyes on me. I feel the same way. My feet are glued in place, my hands stuffed deep into my pockets. 

“Hi,” I say. The awkwardness blooms in front of us like a physical thing, hovering, threatening to choke. 

“Thanks for meeting with me,” he says, sounding like a business CEO. 

I just nod, not knowing how to respond to that. “You’re welcome” doesn’t sound right. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts. His eyes are glued to my face, almost not even blinking. “I’m so sorry I didn’t stick up for you against Jordan.”

I open my mouth, but only air breathes through it. I don’t know what I should say. 

“Okay,” I say. I mentally slap myself twenty times across the face.

His eyes kind of narrow and his face turns almost guarded. I don’t think that was the response he was hoping for, but that’s all I’ve got. I forgive him, I think, but my voice just won’t cooperate with me. The awkwardness has got full control of my vocal chords. 

“It was just weird, you know?” he continues. “I didn’t know how to apologize to you. Up until yesterday, I thought you owed me an apology for drawing me and making it awkward to begin with.” 

Now it’s my turn to get defensive. This apology just did a 180. “Did you think that, while I was drawing you in private, I would ever expect you to actually see them?” I say. 

“Obviously not,” he says. He’s visibly getting more frustrated. He has a hand clutched in his hair and his eyes are now glued to the floor. “You know how Jordan is.”

“Okay, and?” I say. I feel my voice getting louder and I feel a little disrespectful to whoever is in the library for quiet time. “You invited her to eat with us. If you know I know how she is, why did you bring it upon yourself to introduce us?”

“Since Joelle doesn’t like her, and Taeyong doesn’t like her, I thought maybe one of my friends would!” He’s almost panting. I feel a little bad, but he’s trying to make himself the victim, which I will not allow. He’s not going to turn this into a guilt trip. 

“No one knows what we’ve been through,” he says quietly. “No one can understand where I’m coming from. If she was so awful, do you think I’d still be dating her?”

At this point, I don’t know what he wants me to say. This apology has steered in the wrong direction and I don’t know how to put it back on track.

“Okay, she may have some tender qualities lying under all the horrible ones, but she chooses to present herself awfully, so you can’t expect us to like her, Johnny,” I say. I feel the advice columnist in me activating. 

Part of me wants to end this discussion right now and walk away. But the other part wants to be nice and comfort him since now he’s in a state of distress. I feel partly responsible because he may be having problems in his relationship now because of me. But at the same time, it’s not my fault his girlfriend exposed me. I shouldn’t be placing blame on myself. 

“This isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about,” he says, laughing without humor. He looks up at me again. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way that I did. I’m also sorry for Jordan, if you can accept either of our apologies.” 

I bite my lip. I know I can forgive him because it’s not entirely his fault that I drew him and Jordan showed him. I’m just afraid that if I accept his apology, I’ll fall right back into the daily pattern of liking him so much and never getting the chance to tell him how I feel. I don’t want him to ever know. Like. Ever. But it’s hard pining over someone you have no chance with. 

“I accept your apology,” I say after a long silence. “I’m sorry for drawing you and I’m sorry you had to see it. I won’t draw you anymore.” 

He laughs then, a real laugh. My heart melts to the floor. “Now that I know you draw me, it’s okay if you do,” he says. “I don’t mind.”

I look at him, at his smiling face with matching smiling eyes. God, now I like him even more than I did before. If that’s emotionally possible. 

“So we’re cool?” he says, an expectant look on his face.

I nod, giving him what I hope isn’t an awkward smile. “We’re cool,” I say. 

“I’m going to go practice, but I’ll see you?” He starts walking away from me backwards, waiting for an answer. I nod again, waving to him as he smiles one last time before turning his back to me. 

I sit down at one of the window tables to process everything that just happened. Johnny apologized. I accepted. He referred to me as his friend, which honestly made me really happy. We’re on speaking terms again, I guess. Everything is good.

So why do I still feel some kind of wrongness in my chest? 

It’s probably because I know that it’s wrong to be liking Johnny when he has a whole girlfriend. I should use this opportunity to get over him, branch out, meet new people. 

I laugh out loud to myself, then quickly cough to pretend like that covers anything. I have two friends total, Joelle and Emilia. I talk to other people, sure, but they’re mainly friends with Joelle and Emilia, so I literally have no one else. This is my sad life. 

Maybe I should talk to people in my art class. Get some friends with common interests. We all relatively know of each other’s existence seeing as we spend a lot of time around each other inside and outside of class. Maybe that would help me get over Johnny. 

But he’s in my art class.

I stand from the table. I have homework I could do, but it’s only Saturday. It can wait. Maybe I’ll ask Joelle and Emilia if they want to go to Hogsmeade. But if they bring Taeyong and Renjun, it’ll be awkward for me. Maybe I’ll just do homework. 

I walk slowly back to my room, not feeling as happy and lighthearted as I thought I would. I thought it would be so relieving to clear the air with Johnny, but it’s like I feel worse now. I feel oddly guilty. 

Emilia is sitting on her bed when I walk inside our room, earbuds in. She sits up when she sees me, taking the earbuds out. She has an expectant look on her face. I sit down on my bed. 

“So you’re just not going to tell me how it went or…” Emilia says. 

“It was fine,” I say. “He apologized, I accepted, we’re cool.” That feeling of guilt resettles on my chest. 

She climbs out of bed and comes to stand near me, peering into my face. I keep my eyes trained on my lap. 

“What’s wrong?” she says. 

“Why would anything be wrong?” I counter. I move past her to stand. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling right now, so it’s time to deflect. 

“I thought you’d be, I don’t know, a little happier that you’ve made up with Johnny?” she says. I can feel her eyes on me even though I’m doing my best not to make eye contact with her. I don’t need her accessing the deep recesses of my mind. 

“I’m fine,” I say. “I am happy.” I’m not feeling extremely guilty about liking a guy that has a girlfriend who he seems to actually love and I don’t know how I can continue being friends with him after this. I’m not feeling that way at all.

“Whatever you say.” Emilia flops back onto her bed and continues tapping on her phone. “Want to go to Hogsmeade with Joelle?” she says. 

“Will it just be the three of us or is she inviting Taeyong?” I say warily. “Do you really want to third and fourth wheel with them?”

Emilia sits up, stroking her chin in fake deep thought. “I’ll just tell her not to invite him,” she says. “It’s just gonna be us this weekend. I think we all need it.” 

Some of my negative feelings lighten. A fun day at Hogsmeade is exactly what I need. Homework can wait until tomorrow night at midnight. It’s not like I sleep or anything. 

I look down at my outfit. A yellow shirt and jeans. This will suffice for Hogsmeade. I walk over to my little jar where I keep my money. It’s looking a little scarce, so I’ll have to go to the bank sometime this week. I grab some Sickles for candy and stuff them in my pocket. 

I’m seized with a moment of hesitation. I’m getting angry with myself. Johnny literally apologized to me, why am I still feeling gross and guilty about whatever? I don’t even know what’s going on in my head at this point. 

Distraction is key. Maybe if I fill my body with enough sugar to give me diabetes, the thoughts in my head will magically lock themselves away. 

Ready to head out, Emilia and I walk to Ravenclaw to pick up Joelle. She’s on the way to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom to get to the secret passage to Honeydukes. I cross my fingers behind my back, praying Taeyong isn’t there and planning on tagging along. I just need today to be the three of us. 

We give the answer to the riddle for the week and slip inside, sitting on the couches to wait for Joelle to come down. The commons are dead, everyone probably in their rooms still sleeping, even though it’s creeping past lunchtime. 

I hear someone coming down the stairs and look up to see Doyoung descending and coming towards us. 

“Hey, guys,” Doyoung says, smiling. “Waiting for Joelle?” 

We nod like bobbleheads incapable of speech. I’m trying not to smile, but it’s hard. It’s cute how he’s always mentioning Joelle in some way or another. He connects anything to her. How she continues to live in her bubble of ignorance is beyond me. 

“You guys going out?” he says. 

“Yeah, we’re going to Hogsmeade,” I say. 

“Just us girls,” Emilia says, giving him a look. I laugh out loud. 

Doyoung holds his hands up, a smirk on his face. “I get it,” he says. “I’m going to go study.” He waves to us as he leaves the dorms.

Just as the front door closes, Joelle comes bounding down the stairs, her little backpack slung across her back. She immediately runs over to me, grabbing me by the shoulders. 

“Did Johnny do a good job apologizing?” she says. “Is everything good now? Do I need to fight him?” 

I laugh. Just being around my two best friends has made me feel better than anything else could possibly attempt to do. I force down all of the sappy emotions I’m starting to feel. I don’t want to start crying unintentionally. 

“He did a good job,” I say. “We’re good now.” I stand up. Joelle backs away from me, a big smile on her face. 

“I’m glad I don’t have to fight anyone,” she says. She claps her hands together and makes her way to the door. “Let’s go have some fun in Hogsmeade.” 

I’m ready to eat my weight in sweets and drink enough Butterbeer to completely annihilate my health. 

***

I’m on my fourth Butterbeer and my sugar high is literally rattling my heart. 

We’re making our way to Scrivenshaft’s because Emilia wants some cute stationary for classes that I’m pretty sure will collect dust in our room. She’s excited though as she walks through the aisles, eyes goggling at everything.

“Can we go to Maestro’s after?” Joelle says. “I need to get a new cleaning rag for my flute.” 

“I hate Maestro’s,” Emilia says, frowning. “It’s so loud in there.”

“It’s a music shop,” I say. “Of course it’s going to be loud.” 

She makes a face at me as she fills her arms with more and more stationary. “You guys can go,” she says. “I’ll probably be here for a while.” She practically has stars in her eyes as she moves deeper into the store. 

“We’ll be back!” Joelle drags me out of the door and we walk down the street through the crowds of people. 

If you come to Hogsmeade on a Saturday, be prepared to stay all day. The line for a Butterbeer is usually out the door, as is the line for any shop. Every student from Hogwarts and then some come since it’s pretty much the only place to hang out where we can be ourselves. 

We walk into Maestro’s which is a cluster of noise and music. There are different sections of the store, so each section is playing a different song, and very loudly at that. Joelle meanders off to find her cleaning rag, so I walk through the different aisles, not at all sure what I’m looking at. I pick up random instrument accessories, the music changing the farther into the store I walk. 

I walk past an aisle and look down it, stopping dead in my tracks. I take a few steps into the aisle, hoping and praying that my poor eyesight is betraying me. 

Johnny is standing in the aisle. He has a pack of something in his hand. Next to him, Jordan is talking, but I can’t hear anything she’s saying over the music. I turn and walk away. I know running would just make them look. As soon as I think I’m out of sight, I run through the shop, looking for Joelle. 

I see her pick up a rag and inspect it. I run up to her, panting. She gives me a weird look, but waits for me to explain myself. 

“Johnny,” I say. “Johnny and Jordan are here.” 

Her weird look doesn’t go away. “And?” she says. 

“We have to go!” We’re yelling in each other’s faces, trying to be heard over Mozart. 

“I thought you and Johnny were cool again?” she says. 

I tug on her arm, not wanting to yell anymore. I can’t tell her why I don’t want to see Johnny right now. I especially don’t need to see Jordan. We don’t need another Joelle versus Jordan brawl. 

“Okay, okay,” she says. “Let me pay for this and we can go back to Scrivenshaft’s to get Emilia.” 

I send a thank you up to God and follow Joelle to the register. I keep looking over my shoulder like some crazy person. Why did they have to come to Hogsmeade right now at this instant? Can’t I have one day where I win?

We leave the shop and I hightail it to Emilia, not looking back. Joelle is yelling at me to slow down, but I feel exposed out on the streets, even though they’re packed. 

After we grab Emilia who has three bags of stationary in her hands, we go back to the Three Broomsticks to relax. My stomach is saying no to a fifth Butterbeer, but I find myself walking up to the counter to order another one anyway.

We sit down at an empty booth and chug our drinks. I feel more at ease now, the Butterbeer settling into my gut like a heavy sugary weight, calming all of my nerves. 

I can’t avoid Johnny forever though. It would be weird if we made up and then I just all of a sudden didn’t want to be friends anymore. I’ll have to get over this strange guilt feeling and be normal. 

“Let’s head back,” Emilia says. “I want to start using this stuff.” She holds up her bags. 

“This will be the first and last time she uses that stuff, so let’s go,” I say. Joelle laughs as we leave our cups on the table and stand to leave. 

We get back to Hogwarts a little after the dinner rush has passed. The thought of putting anything else into my digestive system makes me nauseous, so I follow Joelle to Ravenclaw. 

“Another sleepover?” she says. Emilia and I nod in agreement. 

I stay awake way after Joelle and Emilia have gone to sleep, as per usual. I tap away on my phone. My mind won’t let me sleep. I can only think about Johnny. About how to get over him, how to just be his friend. It seems so impossible. I’ve liked him for years now. Is it so wrong for me to have feelings for someone? That has a girlfriend? That will never like me back?

I put my phone on Joelle’s nightstand and close my eyes. I give up on fighting Emilia for covers. I can be friends with Johnny. I can be cool. 

But just in case, I might have to change my art class.


	14. Chapter 11: In Jeno's Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry it's short; I'm planning the next chapter right now for an upload tomorrow. Thank you for being so patient. This is a bonus chapter from Jeno's point of view. Thanks again!

“I’m the sad one, Acorn,” I say. “Come comfort me.” 

Acorn jumps into Jaemin’s arms, turning on the purring engine. I glare at our shared cat and turn back to my Charms textbook. The charms blur on the page, their different incantations morphing together. I shut the book in frustration. Acorn meows. 

“Want to go dance, blow off some steam?” Jaemin says. 

“Let’s go to the fields,” I say. 

Jaemin rolls his eyes, but, as the good best friend that he is, he nods. “But we’re dancing after,” he says. 

I grab my dancing bag and wave it at him before I sling it over my shoulder. We leave my room and head down to the fields. 

The school is pretty dead since it’s a Sunday. Everyone usually stays holed up in their rooms doing last minute homework. Which means it’s the best time to go to the fields. We’ll be undisturbed and we’ll get the air all to ourselves.

We get to the fields and I see two figures on the sidelines, their heads bent together. I freeze up as we get closer and I recognize them. Jaemin gives me a knowing look that I ignore and I hurry into Hufflepuff’s changing rooms to grab my broom. 

“Are Emilia and Jay here?” Jaemin says, already knowing the answer. I turn and glare at him.

If they’re here, that means Joelle is in the air. I hold back a sigh of disappointment. I wanted the air all to myself. Jaemin says something I don’t catch. I blink at him. 

“Are we still going up?” he says. 

“Why wouldn’t we?” I say, pushing past him with my broom in hand. “Go get your broom and I’ll meet you up in the air.” 

Jaemin grins at me before making his way to Slytherin’s changing rooms. I don’t know why he’s making this so weird. We’re just going to toss a Quaffle around. With Joelle. And Emilia and Jay watching. 

I walk outside and start to approach Emilia and Jay, my heart bumping with nerves. If I start talking to Emilia, I’ll get distracted and never get into the air. I keep my head forward and continue walking.

They don’t even notice me when I pass by. I jog over to the case holding the balls and grab a Quaffle. I kick up into the air, soaring higher and higher. The air rips through my robes, messing up my hair. I smile at the coolness of it. The stress of Charms immediately flies away with the wind. 

I see Jaemin fly towards me, Joelle and Yeri trailing behind him. “We can do a little two versus two,” Jaemin says, hovering beside me. I grin wickedly at Yeri. I always love competing against my teammates. 

I see Joelle put on her competition face as she tosses the Quaffle up and down. She’s an intimidating rival, but I’m just as competitive. She zips away, tossing the Quaffle to Yeri. Yeri flies towards the goal, Jaemin right on her tail. 

Playing Quidditch and being in the air always makes me happy. Being away from my family was hard on me when I first came to Hogwarts, but getting onto Hufflepuff’s team gave me a second family and meeting Jaemin has made Hogwarts my second home. 

I push the hair out of my eyes as Jaemin flies up to me. “Can we go dance now?” he says. “Joelle and Yeri are going in.” I look down to see their small figures with Emilia and Jay. 

“Let’s go dance,” I say with a grin. We float down and land. I look over to the group and lock eyes with Emilia. Unfortunately, I feel my face grow hot and I look past her towards the changing rooms. I’ll have to pass by her to get to them. Crap. 

“What’s up?” Emilia says as we walk towards them. She grabs my arm. I tell myself to relax. 

“We’re going to go dance,” I say. 

“Can I come?” Her face lights up with excitement. 

I’m already about to say yes, but Jaemin nudges me with his foot. I turn to him and see the clear no in his eyes. 

“Sure,” I say. Emilia smiles and turns back to Joelle and Jay to tell them where she’s going. 

I turn to Jaemin, but he’s already walking off to Slytherin’s changing rooms. I walk into Hufflepuff’s, a feeling of guilt settling in my stomach. I know Jaemin’s probably pissed now, but he’ll get over it later. We’ll be fine. 

I quickly change and meet Emilia outside. Jay, Joelle, and Yeri are already gone. Jaemin is also nowhere to be seen. He probably just went back to his room. At least I get to dance with Emilia. She’s so good and it’s so nice to dance with her. There’s also lots of teasing opportunities. 

We get to the dance room and start warming up. I stretch out my arms. Jaemin should be okay. I’ll text him when we’re done dancing to grab dinner. I don’t think he’ll be too mad. Will he? 

“Are you listening?” Emilia says. 

I look at her glaring at me. I give her a wink, making her roll her eyes. She starts doing some dance moves in the mirror, warming herself up. I stop stretching and watch her. She’s so talented. She always says she’s not good at dancing, she just does it for fun, but she has real talent. I wish she would give herself more credit. I try to tell her she’s good, but she just assumes I’m lying and teasing her. I guess I tease her so often, if I try to be sincere, she never knows. 

We’ve been friends for two years. I consider her my best friend beside Jaemin. It’s always fun hanging out with her and making her laugh and pushing her buttons. It’s comfortable being her friend. 

She grabs my arm, ripping me out of my head. “Watch me,” she says. “We’re supposed to be learning a dance together.” 

I smile at her. Yeah, it’s nice being her friend. This is what’s right, this feels safe. This is what I don’t want to go away. 

She teaches me a few dance moves that I pick up pretty quickly, but I pretend like I’m struggling so she can get frustrated and we can stay here longer. The mirrors are starting to fog up from our combined body heat and sweat. I push my hair back from off of my forehead, breathing heavily. Quidditch and dancing are much better than Charms homework. 

A phone starts buzzing. I go over to mine to see if it’s Jaemin calling, but my screen is blank. I ignore the feeling of disappointment. He’ll text me later. Emilia comes over to her bag to grab her phone. Her eyes widen and she answers. “Hello?” she says. Her voice echoes in the studio, making me laugh. When she’s nervous, her voice gets really loud. 

My smile falters when I realize why she’s probably nervous. I tune out her conversation so I don’t seem nosy. I’m guessing she’s talking to Renjun. I wonder when they got each other’s numbers. 

She hangs up and starts putting her things together. I hold my arms up in betrayal. “Where are you going?” I say.

“Joelle told me she needs me to come help her with Charms,” she says. “I’m going to go meet her in the library.”

“But you suck at Charms,” I say. 

“You’re right,” she says at the door. “Bye!” She closes the door behind her. 

I stand there for a while, not really knowing what to do. I just got ditched again. This has been happening a little too often for my liking. We’ll be hanging out or something, and then Renjun or Joelle or someone will text her and she’ll up and leave me without even saying sorry. She probably just assumes I’ll be fine, but it hurts. It hurts being ditched out of nowhere. 

I text Jaemin to come to the dance studio. He texts back saying he’s busy. He must still be mad. I ditched Jaemin to get ditched by Emilia. Now I feel really bad. 

I pack up my dancing bag and head to the Great Hall. Groups of people walk past me, laughing together. My chest feels heavy as I walk through the doors by myself. I dread having to find a table to sit at alone.

I slowly walk over to Hufflepuff’s tables, looking for someone, anyone to sit with. Eating alone is the saddest thing ever. I see Taeyong’s head and immediately walk over to him. On closer inspection, Joelle is sitting across from him, Johnny next to him. 

“Hey, Jeno,” Joelle says around the food in her mouth. 

I raise my eyebrows at her. “Didn’t Emilia meet you in the library?” I say.

She grins at me, taking a swig of her drink. “She met Renjun,” she says. “Set up a little study date situation.” 

I get a weird feeling in my gut, but I ignore it. Joelle’s her best friend. She’s just trying to help her friend be with the boy she likes. That’s what girls do. Emilia will be fine. 

I sit down and start eating. They mainly talk with each other. They try to include me in their conversations, but I’m not really into it. I can’t stop worrying about Emilia and Jaemin. I need to meet up with Jaemin and apologize. I should know how it feels to be ditched, and it sucks. I shouldn’t be doing this to my best friend, my brother.

I excuse myself after I’m done eating and go back to my room. Chenle isn’t there, and neither is Acorn. He’s probably with Jaemin. Loneliness hits me in the gut as I grab up my Charms textbook and try to study again. I have my test tomorrow. I can’t afford to bomb anymore tests. 

The silence is deafening. I’m used to hearing Chenle singing or Jaemin cooing at Acorn. I close my Charms book and lay back on my bed. I’ll just wing the test. There’s no way I can focus on learning how to counter-unlock a door. 

Emilia and Renjun are hanging out in the library. Jaemin always tells me how Renjun brings girls to their room or hangs out in the library with them. I barely talk to the guy, but based on what Jaemin tells me, I have a bad feeling in my chest for Emilia. 

My phone buzzes and I grab it from beside me. A message from Jaemin pops up on the screen. He’s telling me to come over. I shoot out of bed and leave the tower. Maybe he’s forgiven me. I can go apologize. 

My heart thumps with anticipation as I give Slytherin’s password and walk up to Jaemin’s room. I don’t know why I feel nervous to see my best friend. I knock on the closed door. 

Jaemin opens it and lets me in. There’s a worried expression on his face, which instantly stops my breathing. I look past him and see Renjun sitting on his bed, fiddling his thumbs. 

“Why are you here?” I say. It comes out ruder than I mean it to, but my worry for Emilia is clouding my mind. “Where’s Emilia?”

“He says she ran off somewhere,” Jaemin says. 

“She started crying and disappeared,” Renjun says. 

He’s leaving out something. I clench my fists at my side. Why would Emilia just run off crying for no reason? He hurt her. I know he did. He’s scum. I know this is his fault. 

“Where did she go?” I say. My adrenaline has started pumping. I feel my whole body vibrating. I have to go find her. 

Renjun shrugs. Shrugs. He just sits there and shrugs. Why didn’t he run after her? Why is no one else worried about her? Jaemin can probably see that I’m getting anxious. He puts a hand on my shoulder. 

I knock it off and run out of the room. Where did you go? Please be okay. Please be safe.


	15. Chapter 12: Emilia's First Heartbreak

A phone starts buzzing and I, because no one calls me, automatically assume it’s Jeno’s. He checks his phone, but it’s blank, so I run over to grab mine. 

I answer Joelle’s call, my voice booming in the studio. Jeno snickers. 

“Can you meet me in the library in, like, ten minutes?” she says. “I need help with some Charms homework.” 

I know good and well that she’s not calling me to ask for Charms help. She knows I literally suck at Charms. “Sure,” I say, playing along. I don’t know why she doesn’t just tell me she needs to see me. Now I’m skeptical. 

I put my phone in my pocket and start putting my things together to get ready to leave. “Where are you going?” Jeno says. 

“Joelle told me she needs me to come help her with Charms,” I say. 

“But you suck at Charms,” he says. 

I walk towards the door. “You’re right,” I say. I walk outside, yelling a quick “Bye!” before leaving.

The cool air blowing in the hallways makes my sweaty skin cold. I put my hair up into a quick bun to get it off of my neck. At least I’m only meeting with Joelle. She doesn’t mind the bummy look. 

I go to where Joelle said she would be and see Renjun sitting at the table. I choke on my own spit and start to turn around when he says, “Emilia?” 

I’m so sweaty. I probably smell bad. Siri, how do I walk away even though he’s already seen me? 

Top ten anime betrayals. How could Joelle do this to me? I thought I told her I went dancing with Jeno. She knows I sweat. Why, Joelle, why? 

I turn back around and give Renjun a sheepish smile. The confusion doesn’t leave his face. 

“Are you meeting Joelle, too?” he says. 

My heart sinks to my feet. Joelle set this up. Of course he’s going to be disappointed when I tell him it’s only me. It’s already clear on his face. 

“Sit down,” Renjun says with a smile. I obey, keeping my bag on my lap. 

“When is Joelle coming?” he says. I think he’s talking more to himself, so I stay quiet. I don’t want to talk about my best friend with the guy I like. It’s mortifying enough sitting here looking like this. 

“She asked to study for Charms,” he continues. He suddenly reaches across the table and grabs my hand. I immediately retract it. My hand is probably sweaty and gross. I want to hold his hand when I’m clean. 

He pretends like nothing happened. “Do you think she’s into me?” he says. 

My mouth moves, but nothing comes out. I feel like I was just put into some kind of parallel universe. My heart is beating so fast. I just kind of blink at him in response. 

“I know you like me,” he says. He’s flipping through his textbook, not even looking at me. “But I’m into Joelle, you know?” He looks at me then. I hope he doesn’t see the tears in my eyes. 

I stand up, practically knocking the chair over. He raises his eyebrows at me. “Hey, it’s nothing personal,” he says. “I thought you knew.” 

“Seriously?” I finally say. It comes out croaky. 

He stays silent, his eyes showing no signs of remorse, nothing. If anything, he looks sorry for me.

I can’t see anything. I walk away from him, pushing through the doors and out into the hallway.

I did know. And yet I stayed hopeful. I let this boy who’s clearly not into me hurt me, like I knew he would. Why don’t I ever just listen to myself? 

Suppressed sobs are wracking through my body, hurting my chest. People are giving me looks as I barrel down the hallway. I pass Hufflepuff Tower. I get to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and go all the way to the back, pushing aside the curtain that covers a secret studio. 

I immediately collapse on the ground and let the sobs take over. I feel a pounding begin behind my eyes. I turn my back to the mirror so I don’t see myself. 

It feels so good to have your heart broken! It feels so good to be played! I feel more angry with myself than with Renjun. I knew this was going to happen, yet I stayed ignorant, I ignored the little voice in my head. I knew this would happen, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. 

I don’t know how much time passes with me sitting on the floor of a dusty studio. My phone is buzzing like crazy, but I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I shut it off and spread-eagle on the ground. My breathing is all choppy from crying so much. 

At least I have closure. At least now I know for sure that he likes Joelle and not me. At least now I’m one hundred percent positive. 

The door bangs open and I sit up, my heart stopping. Jeno is standing in the doorway, panting. He just stands there looking at me. 

I burst into tears again. I hear the door close and his footsteps approaching me. He kneels down beside me and wraps his arms around me. My tears don’t stop coming. 

We stay like that for a while, one of my best friends hugging me, me sniffling. He rubs soothing circles on my back, not saying a word. That’s what I appreciate about Jeno. He doesn’t feel the need to pepper me with questions or say anything at all; he’s just here. 

“Let me take you back to your room,” he says. He helps me stand up. He grabs my bag for me and we leave the studio. 

My body feels numb all over. My face feels swollen. My heart is in physical pain. I haven’t cried that much and that hard in so long. All of this emotion for a boy who I knew liked my best friend. 

I open my door and Jeno leads me to my bed. Jay hops up immediately, coming to sit beside me. 

Jeno walks towards the door. “Stay,” I say before I can stop myself. 

I know Jay’s going to ask me what’s wrong. I need a support system in case I start bawling again.

He turns to me, surprised. “Please.” He nods, sitting at my desk. 

“Are you okay?” Jay says. 

I take a deep shaky breath. I feel okay enough to talk about it. They deserve to know. 

I give them the rundown of what happened with Renjun. Rehashing it with them is making me emotional all over again, but I hold the tears in for late night soft crying. I can see both of my friends getting more and more upset, but I keep pressing until the end. 

Jeno gets up and walks out of the door, slamming it behind him. My mouth is open to say something, but I don’t get the words out in time. Jay stands, too, but I grab her arm. 

“I’m going to beat his ass, Emilia,” she says. “What kind of guy does that? Men suck, but my God, he didn’t have to crush you like that.” 

I nod in agreement. I already want to forget any of this even happened and just move on, but I know every time I see him, I’m going to get the overwhelming urge to cry and also punch him. 

“I just want to sleep,” I say, the exhaustion from crying hitting me all at once. I check the time to see that it’s barely nine. I deserve this early sleep, though. I deserve some rest. 

“Okay, I’ll turn the lights off.” After it’s dark, she climbs into her bed. “Let me know if you need anything.” 

I pull my covers over my head. I don’t even bother taking my robes off. I close my eyes and let sleep take over. 

***

It’s Monday and I’m really not trying to go to classes today. 

We have Potions third period and Renjun is in that class. There’s no way I can see him and not cry. I still feel so embarrassed and foolish. Thank goodness Joelle and Jay will be there. I definitely would not have gone if I had it by myself. 

We get to Potions and Joelle already has our cauldrons set up for us. She gives us a big smile, but I can’t bring myself to lift the corners of my mouth in return. 

“What’s wrong?” she says. 

“We’ll tell you after class,” Jay says. 

Potions drags. I can’t even focus on making the potion. Joelle has to help me for most of the class, as she usually does. I have no energy at all. This is only third period. I’m not going to make it. 

Renjun passes by and waves at Joelle. She gives him a big smile before he moves to the cabinet. 

“He acts like we’re not even here,” Jay says clearly for his ears. She gives a laugh without humor. Joelle glares at her, but Jay is mad. I stay silent. 

“Don’t be rude,” Joelle says. Renjun walks back to his seat, Joelle giving him another smile. Another stake driven into my heart. 

I start filling her in as class is ending. She grabs my arm when I’m done and pulls me into a hug. 

“Oh my god, Emilia,” she says. “I am so sorry.” Fire enters her eyes as she holds me at arm’s length. “I’ll handle this.” 

I wave my hands in front of me. “No, no, it’s okay,” I say. I don’t need to face anymore humiliation that has to do with Renjun. 

I go through the motions of class, not really paying attention. I mean, on a good day, I hardly pay attention, so this is nothing new. I just want Renjun out of my head. He ripped my heart out and stomped on it and watched me bleed out. Can he stop torturing me for one second? 

After I’m done with all of my classes, I go to the secret dance studio. When I open the door, Jeno is already there, almost like he was waiting for me. We lock eyes and I feel my heart do a little dance. I look at the ground and try to calm down. It was probably just the surprise at seeing him here.

“I’ve been working on that dance you were teaching me,” he says. He proceeds to show me the routine. It’s flawless, of course. I know he likes to pretend like he’s clueless so he can frustrate me. I feel a lightness in my chest, and I got the one second that I wanted not thinking about Renjun. 

We talk and dance for a while. I feel better and better. Sadness who? Jeno destroyed her. 

“Do you want to go get dinner?” he says. My stomach growls in response, making him laugh. 

We get to the dining hall and I start looking for Jay and Joelle. They’re sitting with Hufflepuff, along with Taeyong, Johnny, and Jaemin. I can’t fight the smile that comes onto my face. I get to be surrounded by my closest friends and eat good food. This is such a nice evening compared to my crappy morning. 

“Why are you guys so sweaty?” Johnny says. 

“Dancing,” me and Jeno say at the same time, making us crack up. My heart does the dance again when I see his eyes in the shape of little crescent moons. I can think my friends are cute. I think Joelle and Jay are super cute. It’s normal. 

“Charms kicked my butt today,” Jeno says to the group. He launches into the story he already told me in the studio. I fill up my plate and start digging in. Roast chicken has never tasted so good. 

Professor McGonagall stands up from the professors’ table and clears her throat. It booms throughout the Great Hall, causing everyone to instantly stop talking. She has her wand on her vocal chords so she can be heard. 

“We have a very special announcement for everyone,” she says. She’s trying to fight a smile on her lips. I groan. Her idea of a special announcement is a school-wide test that counts for one hundred percent of our grade in all of our classes. I keep eating. 

“I know Christmas is a few months from now,” she says, “but we have decided that we’re going to be throwing a holiday ball this year.” 

I choke on my chicken. The Great Hall erupts into murmurs of excitement. 

“If you want to sign up to be on the planning committee, come speak to me in my office,” she says. “Now enjoy the rest of your meal.” She sits back down. 

The Great Hall explodes. Joelle and Jay turn to me, expecting me to be super excited. 

But I’m not. I just came off of a rejection, so the wound is fresh. Adding a ball to that makes me feel worse somehow. Now there’s definitely no prospects of a date. And I don’t know if I really want to go alone.

I look across the table and lock eyes with Jeno. I look away quickly, feeling the dance in my chest turn into a full-blown two-step. 

I might just have to miss my first Hogwarts ball.


	16. Chapter 13: Jay is Almost Expelled

Art has been a nightmare. 

The amount of energy I exert avoiding Johnny is exhausting. I sometimes feel like he’s looking at me in class, but I force my eyeballs to stare straight ahead. I’m thankful that he sits across the room. When the bell rings, I usually run to the back to grab my backpack and I’m out the door before Johnny gets the chance to approach me. 

I’m sketching, not really paying too much attention to the class when I feel a presence. They sit down across from me since my usual tablemate is absent. I look up, not really processing who it could be. 

I lock eyes with Johnny and quickly look back down. I feel my cheeks starting to burn. My pencil won’t stop slipping around in my sweaty hands. 

“What are you drawing?” he says. 

My mouth feels dry. I can’t even look him in the eyes. My heart feels like it’s trying to fight its way out of my chest. 

“A character design,” I say.

I look up to see his reaction. He has a smile on his face. He’s getting off of his stool to come stand next to me. I grip my pencil tighter and force myself to be calm. I know my face is burning red. 

“For, like, a video game?” he says. He’s looking over my shoulder at my sketch. My instincts want to slap my sketchbook close and hold it close to my chest. I give a little nod. He lets out a whistle.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever told you, but your art is really good,” he says. “I came in here a few times outside of class to look at your drawing for last week.” He points to the class’s display of drawings on the back wall. We had to draw our favorite place, so I drew The Three Broomsticks with Joelle and Emilia standing outside holding Butterbeers. 

I feel like a volcano has erupted on my face. The burning is making me sweaty. The guilty feeling is returning, and I still don’t know where it’s coming from. 

“Tell me more about your character,” he says, pointing at my sketchbook. 

I clear my throat. “I’ve been working on her for a while,” I say. “I’m not really sure about the premise of the game, but she’s kind of like a demon hybrid. She’s fighting to keep her humanity. So I guess the game would be about the different obstacles and people tempting her to the dark side.” I realize I’m rambling, but talking about my character has loosened me up. 

He keeps looking at the sketch. I drew her in human and demon form. Her long, black hair flying in the air, her eyes wide. Her demon form has jagged teeth, a serpent-like tongue, her eyes completely black. In her human form, her eyes are closed, a small smile on her lips. She looks at peace within herself, with the world around her, despite having a part of her that desires to wreak havoc on her peace. 

“You’re really talented,” he says. “I’ve never met someone who can draw as well as you can.” 

My chest feels tight. Hearing compliments from Johnny should make me want to fly into the clouds, but I feel weighed down, extremely uncomfortable. The guilt is eating me from the inside out. 

I only give him a small smile in response. If he’s bothered by it, he doesn’t show it. He grabs his own sketchpad and positions his stool right next to me. 

“Is it okay if I sketch you?” he says. He has his pencil poised above the paper. 

“I don’t know,” I say. 

Johnny wants to sketch me? I don’t like pictures, much less my crush of nearly a year staring at me intently to regurgitate my image on a piece of paper. 

He gives me a little pout. “You drew me,” he says. “I think it’s only fair.” 

He makes several good points. He’s already started drawing, so I go back to my character. I start working on some studies, her different eyes, her noses. 

I feel Johnny’s eyes on my face. It makes me feel oddly warm, but also very guilty and I want to squirm so bad. 

My pencil stops mid-stroke. I know where this guilt is coming from. Johnny is sitting so close to me, drawing me into his sketchbook. All of the compliments about my art. Us just talking in general, being friendly. 

I feel bad for Jordan.

I want to throw up. I feel guilty being Johnny’s friend, knowing Jordan hates me and hates that I’m around him. I feel bad being his friend and having this unrequited, unresolved crush on him. 

Like a blessing, the bell rings. Johnny closes his sketchbook, seemingly satisfied with his progress. “I’ll continue next class,” he says.

We walk to the back of the classroom together to grab our stuff. My legs want to run away. Now that I’ve pinpointed this disgusting feeling, I want to avoid Johnny more. The danger of us becoming closer is iminent, and I don’t want to build a friendship if I’m going to be feeling guilty all the time for doing so. 

“Do you want to eat lunch with me?” he says. 

That sounds like an awful idea. “You know what happened last time we ate together,” I say. 

His face screws up with embarrassment. “She has class this period,” he says. “It’ll just be us. And Taeyong,” he adds quickly. The tips of his ears are red. Can he stop being cute for one second? 

“Okay,” I say. “We can go eat.” If Taeyong is there, I’m sure Joelle will be there, too. I won’t have to die of awkwardness alone. 

We get to the cafeteria where Joelle and Taeyong are already seated at a Hufflepuff table. We join them and eat like normal, nice banter floating around the table. This is the dynamic I like; I like all of us together, talking and laughing about nothing in particular. I can be friends with Johnny like this. This is nice. 

“Class let out early!” The voice of my nightmares sounds from behind me. Johnny and I both whip around and see Jordan beaming at him. Her eyes shift over to me and her face falls. I turn back around and see Joelle and Taeyong disdainfully looking down at their plates. 

I start putting my things together to leave. I’m definitely not hanging around to hear passive aggressive comments. 

“Why do you keep hanging out with this leech?” she says. Her words ping around in my ear for a second and then fly out of the other one. At this point, I’m desensitized to Jordan’s mediocre jabs. I still feel bad for being Johnny’s friend, or trying to, but I find it annoying that she tries to tear me down by any means necessary. 

“Why do you have the inability to keep your big mouth shut?” Joelle says. She’s standing up, her backpack slung over her shoulder. I join her.

“Do you hear something, babe?” Jordan says to Johnny. 

Before I can even blink, Joelle has run around the table and is lunging for Jordan. Taeyong has his arms around her, dragging her away. Johnny grabs Jordan by the arm and hauls her out of the Great Hall, looking back at me with an apology in his eyes. 

“I’m going to punch her.” Joelle is fighting against Taeyong’s grip. “Why is she always antagonizing you?” 

“I don’t know,” I say. And I don’t. I don’t know why she’s constantly out to get me. For what? For breathing in Johnny’s direction? Nothing more is going to come out of this besides friendship. There’s no way Johnny would ever reciprocate my feelings for him, and even if he did, would I even date him? He’s dated Jordan for so long. That says something about him. 

“I’m going to my room,” I say. It falls on deaf ears. Taeyong is basically cooing at Joelle to get her to calm down. His hair is a bright yellow and his smile is nearly cracking his face open. I leave the Great Hall and make my way to Hufflepuff Tower. Hopefully Emilia is there so I can tell her what went down. 

Emilia is sleeping when I walk into the room. I tiptoe to my dresser to switch out my books. I see my sketchbook. A tingling starts at the tips of my fingers as I run my hands over it, thinking back to art class. Johnny in such close proximity to me, recreating my image into his sketchbook that he’ll look through from time to time. He’s going to keep drawing me next class. That opens the door to more conversation, more time to grow close. More time to feel remorseful. 

I leave the room and make my way back to the art room. I have some time to kill before Defense Against the Dark Arts. I’ll go look at Johnny’s drawing. He drew the Quidditch field, the balls flying through the air. Seeing something that he loves manifested on paper and displayed for the class to see makes me happy. I hope he’s proud of it. 

As I’m walking down the winding steps from Hufflepuff Tower, I see Chuu, a Second year Hufflepuff, smiling at a guy. The back of his head is familiar, but I can’t remember where I’ve seen it. He has on Slytherin robes. 

His face turns slightly to the left and I catch his profile. My hands ball into fists as he pats her head, eliciting a shy giggle from her. Neither of them notice me as I start to approach. I feel so angry, steam should be sizzling from my steps. 

Chuu turns and leaves as I tap Renjun on the shoulder. He cranes his neck around to side-eye me. He doesn’t even bother to turn around and face me full-on. This guy pushes every angry button I have. 

“Hey, Jay.” He turns around then, giving me a big smile. My face stays flat. “What’s up?”

“Are you with Chuu now?” I say without thinking. 

I’m not confrontational. Hence why I let Jordan run all over me and say whatever she wants to me. I don’t want to start anything with her. Frankly, it isn’t worth wasting my time and energy. For my best friends, I’ll fight anyone who breathes funny around them. Renjun has steadily hurt Emilia. He has girls hanging around him all the time, and seeing it pisses me off. 

He laughs. “Of course not,” he says. “Just someone to pass the time.”

I laugh with him, but without humor. “Are you going to hurt her like you hurt Emilia?” I say. 

His face gets stony. “Look,” he says. I grit my teeth. I hate nothing more than being talked to condescendingly. “I didn’t mean to hurt her, but I assumed she knew I like Joelle. I mean, I was only really talking to her to learn more about Joelle, you know?” 

I see nothing but red. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this angry in my life. This guy has the nerve to talk about my two best friends like this. To my face. The fact that he still likes Joelle irritates my anger even more.

I don’t think about the consequences. I just think about giving this guy exactly what he deserves. I whip my wand out of my robe and yell, “Stupefy!” 

Renjun flies down the stairs. Students jump out of the way to avoid him. He lands in a heap on the ground at the foot of the stairs. He isn’t moving. 

My legs are still. I have a death grip on my wand. A few people go up to Renjun to see if he’s okay. He sits up and glares at me. I run back up the stairs into the tower. Now I’m thinking about the consequences. My heart is hammering against my chest as I barrel into our room, hoping Emilia is awake so I won’t have to wake her up myself. 

“What’s wrong?” she says. 

I pace back and forth as I tell her what happened. Her face is growing more and more afraid as I go on. She gasps when I tell her I used a spell on Renjun. 

“It’s what he deserves,” she says. “But what happens now?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “Won’t I get expelled?” 

Emilia reaches for her phone. Her thumbs race over the screen. She looks visibly scared, so I walk over to her bed and sit with her. I pat her on the back, comforting as best as I can. 

I don’t regret it. I would do anything for my best friends, especially if they’re being hurt. If I get expelled, I get expelled. So long as Renjun got what he deserved and Emilia and Joelle are protected. 

Banging sounds on the door, followed by a procession of Joelle, Taeyong, and Johnny entering our room. I lock eyes with Johnny and I go into some sort of limbo. His eyes are wide and full of pity. I break the stare and look down at my hands. 

“Tell us what happened,” Joelle says, sitting down next to me so that the three of us are squished on Emilia’s twin-sized bed. 

I run through the whole spiel again, trying to avoid Johnny’s stare. I don’t want to see his reaction to me using a spell on someone. He might be disappointed. 

Emilia starts crying when I’m done and gives me a hug. Joelle hugs me, too, so I’m sandwiched in between them. I smile to myself. It’s okay if I get expelled. Everyone will be okay. 

I look up at Johnny and see him smiling at me, almost as if to say I did a good job. I feel my face getting red, so I start squirming so Joelle and Emilia will let go of me. 

“We need to figure out how we’re going to get McGonagall to let her stay,” Joelle says. She starts brainstorming out loud, but I kind of tune her out. I’m not super worried about this, even though I should be. My parents would eat me alive if I came home in the middle of the year. 

“Jay, can I talk to you?” Johnny is standing next to me, his voice low so that only I can hear him. I don’t know what he wants to talk about, but I nod and follow him outside of my room. 

“You won’t get expelled,” he says as soon as I crack the door behind me. 

I start. His face looks so serious. Everyone is taking this more seriously than I am. I laugh a little. 

“It’s okay if I do,” I say. “I don’t feel bad for what I did.” 

He grabs my shoulders. I freeze up. I don’t want him touching me, but I can’t move. 

“It’s not okay.” He gets down right in front of my face. “You’re not getting expelled.” 

“I don’t know if that’s something you can promise,” I say, then bite my lip. It sounded snarky in my ears, but he doesn’t seem to take any offense. 

He just gives me a somewhat reassuring pat on my shoulders and walks back into my room. I kind of stand there for a moment, not really sure how to process the encounter. I can find no reasons as to why he’s so serious about keeping me in school. I go back into my room, shoving my speculations deep into the recesses of my mind to worry about later. 

“Jay of Hufflepuff, please see me in my office.” McGonagall’s voice sounds in my room. Joelle and Emilia huddle close to me as if their names were called instead of mine. I give them all reassuring smiles before I go to the door.

“Do you think you’re going by yourself?” Joelle says. 

I feel tears well in my eyes, but I take a deep breath to steady myself. I have already established that I’m okay with getting expelled. I’ll just really miss my friends. 

*** 

McGonagall is staring at the five of us crowded in her office. She just finished berating me for using a spell on another student outside of class. I didn’t give her a single excuse. I did what I did, knowing the rules. Despite being okay with getting expelled, my heart is beating erratically at the thought of hearing the words out loud. 

McGonagall sighs. “I won’t expel you,” she says. “Your record is spotless and you make decent grades.” She gives me a hard look. “Two months of Saturday detention. I don’t want to see you back in my office. No more magic outside of class. You know the rules.” 

I feel my knees get wobbly with relief. My friends thank her over and over again as we leave the office. She gives me one last look before she looks down at some papers on her desk. 

“You’re not expelled!” Emilia says, wrapping me up in a hug as soon as McGonagall’s office door shuts behind us. Joelle joins in on the hug, jumping up and down with excitement. 

I get to stay at Hogwarts. Of course I was afraid I was going to get expelled. Of course that was something that I didn’t want to happen. I can handle two months of detention. I love Hogwarts. I love magic. I love my friends.

Emilia and Joelle link their arms through mine after they’ve finished hugging me. “Let’s go eat!” Joelle says. She grabs Taeyong’s hand with her free one, making his hair flame pink immediately. 

We walk into the Great Hall to a commotion at the Slytherin tables. There are a bunch of girls cooing in a group surrounding Renjun. I scoff as we bypass them to get to Hufflepuff’s tables. Is he seriously sitting in the Great Hall garnering sympathy for a little spell? He’s probably going to sic those girls on me. 

I see him stand and leave the Great Hall, his flock of girls following after him. I could care less about Renjun and his boohoo behavior. I’ve done what I’ve done and I’m glad that I did it. 

Johnny comes to stand next to me as we gather around the table. He sits beside me, Joelle and Emilia shooting me winks and thumbs ups as they sit across from us. I feel my face getting hot. Why is he sitting next to me? Does he feel bad for me still? He’s probably just being nice. Just being his usual nice self. 

We start eating. I make sure to keep my eyes glued to my plate or on Emilia and Joelle. I can feel Johnny look at me sometimes, and I am painfully aware of the sight of him in my peripheral vision. He seems so close to me. I scoot over a little, trying to look inconspicuous. 

The bell for last period rings and we all jump in surprise. Amidst all of my drama, we missed our last classes. At least I don’t care too much about it. I’m just glad I’ll be able to keep going to class. 

We finish up and stop outside of the Great Hall before we go our separate ways. I look at all of my friends. Joelle and Emilia, my two best friends, the two people I would take a bullet for. Taeyong, not really my close friend, but he’s going to be Joelle’s boyfriend eventually, so I guess I have to start being friendly. 

My eyes land on Johnny. I’d like to think he’s my friend. I’d like to believe that we have some kind of friendship in the works. He turns to me. He gives me a small smile before he turns his head away. I see the tips of his ears turning red. I ignore the stuttering in my chest.

Hopefully someday I can consider him a close friend. I’ll be able to protect him then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> I am so sorry I am lacking on updates. This week is finals week, so after it's done, I'll be on winter break and able to give regular updates. Thanks for being patient and enjoying this story. I have some big plans for it coming soon. :-)


	17. Chapter 14: The Week of Asking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So I've decided that the rest of this story is going to be in third person so you'll get a chance to see everyone's thoughts instead of just staying in the heads of Joelle, Jay, and Emilia. The story will flow better this way, and I hope that it isn't too confusing. Thanks for enjoying!

This is the Week of Asking. 

Before the balls that Hogwarts holds, there is a special week dedicated to obtaining dates. Of course, there is no limit to the time that one can get a date; the Week of Asking is only singled out to make it special. 

Joelle and Taeyong have been spending most of their time outside of class together. They walk each other to class, they eat lunch together, Joelle occasionally sneaks out after curfew when Taeyong’s on Prefect duty so they can hang out in the library. Jay and Emilia tease Joelle relentlessly, asking her if they’re dating yet, which Joelle adamantly denies. Though they may act like a couple, Joelle doesn’t want to put any pressure or assumptions onto Taeyong to damage their relationship. 

Though Emilia and Jay tease Joelle about how little time she spends with them nowadays, they miss their best friend. They have class together every day, but Joelle disappears right away. They’ve talked about confronting her about it, but they don’t want to take away from her happiness. They think she’ll come around on her own eventually. 

It’s Wednesday and Taeyong hasn’t asked Joelle to the Winter Ball. Joelle is starting to feel discouraged; if he were going to ask her, he would have done it by now. 

They’re hanging out in the library that night since Taeyong is on Prefect duty. They’re sitting near the Restricted Area where Taeyong’s makeshift display of books on being a Metamorphmagus stands. 

“Have you seen any cute proposals this week?” Joelle says. She’s been trying to bring up Winter Ball in an off-handed way so that Taeyong will finally ask her, but he never picks up the clues. 

“Yeah, a couple in class.” He won’t look at her and his hair is bright in the moonlight, though she can’t tell what color. 

Taeyong has been thinking of a special way to ask Joelle to Winter Ball, but anything he thinks of sounds bland and overdone. He could make a sign, but he saw that at least five times on Monday. He could do something on the Quidditch fields, but every couple that plays Quidditch has probably already thought of that. Not that they’re a couple or anything. 

“They’re so nice to see,” Joelle says, feeling more and more bummed. There’s no way he’s going to ask her. Will she even go if he doesn’t? 

Two guys asked her on Monday, but she had to be the bad guy and say no. She’s going to wait until Friday. If Taeyong hasn’t asked her by then, she’ll have to find someone to go with or just not go at all. 

“It’s getting pretty late.” Taeyong stands, Joelle following. “I’ll walk you back to Ravenclaw.” 

They leave the library and walk through the deserted halls, Taeyong’s wand illuminated and lighting their way. Joelle looks down at his hand dangling at his side. She feels her heart start pounding in time with her footsteps. She’s been battling with just grabbing his hand, but they aren’t dating. If she grabs it, she’ll feel like she’s crossing some line with no return. 

They make it back to Ravenclaw. Taeyong waves goodbye as Joelle gives the riddle answer and walks into the commons. 

She starts when she sees Doyoung immersed in a book. He looks up when the door slides shut behind her. His eyes glitter with something, but Joelle can’t tell what it is. 

“Out past curfew again?” he says. He looks back down at his book. 

“Sorry, Dad,” she says jokingly. She starts to climb the steps to her room, but his voice stops her. 

“I don’t see you anymore.” 

She looks behind her. He still has his nose in his book, but he isn’t reading anything. He’s waiting for some kind of response, anything to get her to talk to him. 

She comes and sits next to him on the couch. His ears have gone red. She puts a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look at her. 

“I’m sorry, Doyoung,” she says. “I’ve been really busy with school and whatnot-”

She stops when he starts laughing. He has a smile on his face, but his chest is in pain. He closes his book and stands before he says something he regrets.

“I was kidding,” he says. “I understand.” He understands that she’s been busy hanging out with Taeyong and ignoring the rest of them. He completely gets it. 

She laughs with him, but more out of confusion. She can’t see his face because he’s refusing to look at her. She reaches out a hand to grab his arm, but he moves out of the way almost imperceptibly. Her hand grabs the air and falls back into her lap. 

“I have to be up early.” He moves towards the stairs to the boys’ rooms. “I’ll see you.” He disappears. 

Joelle goes back to her room, confused. Doyoung has never acted that way around her, so she isn’t sure what’s happening. She can tell that he’s upset about her never being around. She already feels guilty enough with Jay and Emilia. She gets to her empty room and flops down on her bed. 

She thought her friends would be happy that she’s finally connecting with her long-time crush. She thought they would be understanding if she doesn’t see them all day, every day. They have each other, and other things to do. So why does she feel so bad? 

She turns onto her side and closes her eyes, too lazy to get up to change out of her clothes. She can worry about her friends later. Besides, they’ll be fine. She just hopes Taeyong asks her to Winter Ball before the Week of Asking is over. 

***

Jay and Emilia watch Joelle wave goodbye and glue herself to Taeyong’s side after Charms. They walk in the opposite direction back to Hufflepuff. They both decided that they needed to nap before their last classes. 

They walk into the commons and see Jeno and Jaemin talking on the couches. Jeno spies Emilia and instantly stops talking. Jaemin looks over his shoulder and grins slyly. 

“Emilia!” he calls. She whips her head in their direction. She tells Jay to go on up without her. 

“What?” she says. “I’m about to take an important nap.” 

“Any plans to go to Winter Ball?” Jaemin asks. 

Emilia fumbles for an answer. She wasn’t planning on going because she figured no one would ask her. She’s already been through heartbreak; she doesn’t want to take that risk again. 

“Not sure,” she says, attempting to sound cool. “Why?” 

Jaemin pinches Jeno to where Emilia can’t see. He yelps in surprise, but coughs to cover it. “Do you want to go with us?” he says. 

“Both of you?” she says, eyebrows raised. 

Jeno mentally slaps himself. He wants to go with Emilia, but he can’t bring himself to just ask in the right way. 

“I already have a date,” Jaemin says, fake pouting. “You two can go together and the four of us can meet up or something.” 

Emilia looks confused. Jeno wants to run up to his room and scream into a pillow. Jaemin just asked Emilia to Winter Ball for him. He has never felt so humiliated in his life. 

“Jeno, are you asking me to Winter Ball?” Emilia says slowly. Her heart is beating fast, but she tells herself to calm down. She and Jeno are friends; this will just be a friend date. Nothing more. 

Jeno can’t speak. His mouth is moving, but he can’t bring himself to say yes, yes he is asking her to Winter Ball. Jaemin looks between them, growing more and more uncomfortable. 

“Yeah,” Jeno finally says. “Do you want to go as friends?” 

Emilia ignores the disappointment she feels at the word friends. She wants it to be a friend date. She should be elated. 

“Yeah, sure,” she says. She gives him a big smile before turning on her heel and walking towards the stairs. “I’ll talk to you later.” She races up the steps to her room before he can say anything else. 

Jaemin slaps Jeno on the arm, giving him a proud smile. “You asked her!” he says. “I’m proud of you.” 

“Yeah, but I said as friends,” Jeno groans. “This was my chance, Jaemin.” 

“You still have the actual Ball,” Jaemin says. “Don’t worry. You have time.” 

Emilia runs into her room, slamming the door behind her, forgetting that Jay is supposed to be sleeping. Jay turns her head away from her phone to give Emilia a confused look. 

“Why are you so red?” Jay says. 

Emilia fans her face and sits down on her bed. “Jeno asked me to Winter Ball,” she says. 

Jay sits up then, eyes wide and giddy. “Like, as a date?” she says. 

“He asked me to go as a friend,” Emilia says, unable to mask the disappointment in her voice. 

“Well, there’s still the Ball,” Jay says. “It doesn’t have to be as friends if you don’t want it to be.” 

Emilia sputters under Jay’s wicked smile. “I want it to be friends,” she says. “Jeno and I are friends. Good friends.” 

“Whatever you say.” Jay turns back to her phone, still smiling. 

“Are you planning on going?” Emilia says.

Jay looks over at her again. “Not really my thing,” she says. “Maybe if someone asks me. Which means I probably won’t be going.” 

Even if someone asked her, Jay would probably say no. She doesn’t want to give whoever asks her the wrong idea, and she would rather not be dancing in a horde of sweaty people. 

“Joelle and I are going,” Emilia whines. “You don’t have to have a date, just come stag.” 

“I’m not going to Winter Ball stag,” Jay says. It’s not really a big deal to her whether she goes alone or not, but no one goes to Hogwarts dances alone. She’ll garner a lot of unwanted attention if she reaches the bottom of the stairs and no one is there to lead her into the ballroom. 

“Maybe Johnny will ask you,” Emilia says.

Jay bursts into laughter. “In what world would Johnny ask me to Winter Ball? Johnny, the one with the girlfriend?” She can’t control her laughter.

Emilia sighs and burrows under her blankets. “Who knows,” she says. “Maybe it’ll be your special Christmas miracle.” 

“Maybe,” Jay concedes. Her pessimistic nature, however, says that there’s no way, in any universe, Johnny Seo will be asking her to Winter Ball.

*** 

Jaehyun sees Joelle pass by with Emilia and Jay Friday morning. He approaches the three of them and taps Jay on her shoulder. She whirls around to face him. 

“Hey,” she says. “What’s up?”

He sees Joelle and Emilia standing on the outskirts of the crowd, waiting for Jay. He waves them off, pulling Jay aside and away from their line of vision. 

Jay and Jaehyun are casual friends. They don’t really hang out too often alone; they usually hang out in a group. Jay’s palms are sweaty as Jaehyun gives her a smile. Something must be happening if Jaehyun wants to talk to her alone.

“Anyone asked you to Winter Ball yet?” he says. 

Her eyes widen and she blinks at him in silence. He’s asking about Winter Ball? Is he going to ask her? Why would he ask her of all people? Jaehyun could ask any girl to go with him and they would fall over themselves to say yes. Why is he asking her? 

“No,” she says. “I was thinking about not going.” She figures deflecting the question and shutting down any response will deter him from asking the question. 

“Why not?” He has a pout on his face and he’s giving her puppy eyes. 

Jay thinks Jaehyun is attractive. So does every other person at Hogwarts. She’s never felt moved past physical admiration, though. She’s always only liked Johnny. 

Jay shrugs. “Not really my thing,” she says. 

“I was going to ask if you wanted to go with me.” His pout turns into an expectant smile. 

She hesitates. She told herself she would consider going if someone asked her, and here’s someone asking her. She feels like this is some kind of prank or there’s something behind the scenes that’s happening and she’s going to be embarrassed when she falls for it. She’s probably thinking too much into this. Maybe Jaehyun just genuinely wants to take her to Winter Ball. 

“I’ll go with you,” she says. Her throat tightens after she’s said it with what? Regret? Foreboding? 

He pulls her in for a hug. She keeps her arms at her side. He lets go and pats her on her head. 

“It’s a date,” he says. He waves and blends into the thinning crowd. 

Jay finds Joelle and Emilia still waiting for her. Joelle grabs her arm.

“Well?” she says. “What did he want?” 

Jay swallows. “He asked me to Winter Ball,” she says. 

“Jaehyun asked you to Winter Ball?” Emilia says. “Please tell me you said yes.” 

Jay nods. Joelle and Emilia squeal with excitement. 

“Now we can all go dress shopping!” Emilia says. 

Jay tries to feel some of their excitement, but she can’t. Maybe when the day comes, she’ll be a little more pumped. But she still doesn’t know what’s so exciting about dancing in a group of sweaty and smelly people. 

***

Doyoung and Joelle are changing out of their robes after Quidditch practice. Joelle didn’t perform as well as she wanted to. The only thing she can think about is Taeyong and how he still hasn’t asked her to Winter Ball. Friday’s almost over. 

“You okay?” Doyoung says. “What are you thinking about?” 

Joelle looks at him, ripping herself away from her pity party. “Nothing,” she says. “Don’t worry about it.” 

Doyoung takes a deep breath as he stashes his broom away and grabs his backpack. He knows Taeyong hasn’t asked her to Winter Ball yet. That’s probably what she looks so worried about. He knows asking her will probably be a shot in the dark, but he has to. He needs to open this door for himself, take the chance. 

They walk outside and back into the castle together. Joelle is silent, still wrapped up in her thoughts, paying Doyoung no attention. They stop outside of the Great Hall, out of the way of the other students milling around. 

Doyoung grabs her arms to make her look at him. Her eyebrows raise as she gives him a questioning look. 

He takes one last deep breath and mentally counts down. One. Two. Three. 

“Do you want to go to Winter Ball with me?” he says. 

Joelle steps out of his grasp and looks down at the ground. Her mouth is ready to say no, that she’s going with Taeyong, but she stops herself. Taeyong still hasn’t asked her, and he makes it seem as though he’s not interested in going. She really wants to go, and with him, but she doesn’t want to wait for him to possibly never ask. She gave him until today and he didn’t ask her. 

She looks back up at Doyoung again and smiles. “Yeah, I’ll go with you.”

His breath that he didn’t realize he’d been holding expels in one gasp. He grabs her up in a hug, hugging her tightly. “I didn’t think you’d say yes,” he says into her hair.

She wraps her arms behind his backpack. She didn’t think she would either. “Of course I said yes.” She pulls back and looks at him. “Anything you ask, I’ll say yes.”

Doyoung’s heart thumps as he looks into her warm and smiling eyes. He lets her go before he gets too brave and they walk into the Great Hall together to grab dinner. 

Taeyong grabs his white hair in his hands and walks slowly away from the Great Hall. He didn’t get to ask her. He blew it. Now she’s going with Doyoung. He bites his lip to keep himself from screaming or crying in frustration. 

When he gets to his room, he’s decided that he’s not going to Winter Ball. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to see Joelle in a beautiful dress, all glammed up, dancing through a crowd of people with Doyoung at her side.

_It should be me,_ he thinks. _It should have been me._


	18. Chapter 15: Tournaments and Tulle

The next week floats by, Taeyong avoiding any and everybody. Johnny has tried getting through to him with little success. Taeyong’s hair glows white constantly, his sadness feeling like a dead weight. 

Joelle has texted him repeatedly, but he ignores his phone. He knows he can’t face her yet. He can’t be upset with her for saying yes to Doyoung. It’s his fault for taking too long to ask her. She probably thought he never was.

Joelle resumes hanging out with Emilia and Jay more often, which puzzles them. They’re eating in the Great Hall at dinner on Thursday when Jay brings it up.

“Why haven’t you been hanging out with your boyfriend?” she says. 

Joelle’s mouth settles into a hard line as she says, “He isn’t my boyfriend.”

Jay decides not to press the issue any further. The mention of Taeyong has triggered her, so she decides to change the subject.

“The tournaments start tomorrow, don’t they?” Jay says. “Who plays first?”

“Us versus Gryffindor,” Joelle says. “I’ll probably be practicing with Doyoung tonight.” 

At the mention of Doyoung, Joelle’s stomach flips inside out. Now that he’s her date to Winter Ball, she’s been feeling nervous and awkward around him, like she has a schoolgirl crush on him. Which she doesn’t. Because she likes Taeyong. 

Taeyong, who didn’t ask her to Winter Ball. 

The tournaments excite the entire school. This is the chance to rack up points for the Houses to win the end of the year award. Ravenclaw is in the lead right now, but Hufflepuff is very close behind. Joelle wants to win the tournament to solidify their win. 

“Excited to play against Jordan?” Emilia says.

Joelle rolls her eyes. “She can barely play,” she says. “We definitely won’t fall out of the tournament because of her.” 

Joelle’s eyes wander over to the entrance. They follow Taeyong as he sits at a Hufflepuff table. His hair is snow white.

He sits down next to Johnny. Johnny decides not to say anything. He thinks it has something to do with Joelle, but he was certain she liked Taeyong back. 

Jaehyun sits down at the table with them. “Hey, Taeyong, you good?” he says. 

Taeyong looks up and gives him a smile that looks more like a grimace. Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at Johnny, who only shakes his head. 

Jaehyun slaps Johnny on the shoulder suddenly. “I scored a date to the ball,” he says. 

Taeyong flinches. Any mention of the ball makes him feel even worse. He looks up and sees Joelle looking at him. Her eyes soften and she gives him a small wave. His heart thumps painfully in his chest. Her smile usually makes him happy instantly, but now, it saddens him more. He looks away. 

Joelle’s appetite dissipates. She puts her fork down and moves to leave. Jay and Emilia protest, but she waves them off, approaching Taeyong’s table. 

She stops in front of him. He looks up at her with big puppy eyes. His mind can’t come up with anything to say. 

“Can we talk?” she says. She gestures with her head towards the exit.

He nods and stands. He gives Johnny and Jaehyun a wave as he follows Joelle out of the Great Hall. 

Johnny turns to Jaehyun. “Who are you taking?” he says.

“Joelle’s friend, Jay,” Jaehyun says. 

Johnny blinks. “Jay?” he says. “I didn’t even know you liked her.”

Jaehyun grins. “I don’t necessarily like her,” he says. “I just think she’s cute and I thought it would be fun to ask her.”

Johnny squirms in his seat. The idea of Jaehyun taking Jay to the Ball just for the fun of it doesn’t sit right with him, but he has no right to say anything. He and Jay are barely friends. 

“I’m glad you got a date, man,” is all he says. 

Taeyong and Joelle walk silently to the library, straight for Taeyong’s makeshift section. Neither of them sits down; they stand apart from each other, both clearly uncomfortable. 

“Are you okay?” Joelle says. 

She’s not mad at Taeyong anymore for not asking her to Winter Ball. If anything, she feels sad. She loves Doyoung, but she would much rather be going with her longtime crush. 

Taeyong exhales loudly, a humorless laugh escaping with it. “I don’t know,” he says after a while. “I don’t feel okay.”

Joelle stays silent as she waits for him to continue. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. He looks up at her and she starts at the sadness she sees in his eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to Winter Ball. I was planning something the whole week, but I was so nervous-”

“Wait,” she interrupts. “You were going to ask me?” 

“Of course,” he says. “There’s nothing I want more than to go to Winter Ball with you.”

Joelle blushes. “I would’ve been fine with the simple question,” she says. “You didn’t have to plan anything special for me.” 

Taeyong narrows the space between them and puts his hands on her shoulders. She looks up at his deep brown eyes boring into hers. Her heart tries to jump out of her chest. She’s afraid he might hear it.

“You deserve something special,” he says in a low voice. His breathing becomes labored as his eyes flit down to her lips and back up to her eyes. 

Before she loses her nerve, she takes a mental deep breath and leans in on the tips of her toes, closing all of the space between them, her lips meeting his. 

Taeyong immediately grabs her, pulling her into his body. She gasps under his lips, but wraps her arms around his neck. 

Joelle relishes in the moment that she’s been thinking about for so long. She could never imagine how it would feel; the pure pleasure exploding throughout her whole body, running up and down her spine, her lips finally able to feel the softness of his. 

He pulls away, his breath coming in quick gasps. They stare at each other for a minute, not saying anything, just processing the moment. Both of their hearts are thumping erratically like they’ve just run a marathon.

Joelle’s heart falters a little as she realizes that she’s still going to Winter Ball with Doyoung. No matter how badly she wants to go with Taeyong, she can’t hurt her best friend.

“Joelle,” Taeyong says. She snaps out of her thoughts and looks at him. 

His mouth opens and closes, but his nerves are starting to get the best of him. The words are at the tip of his tongue, but he can’t force them out. Joelle is looking at him expectantly. 

“Would you want to…” He stops, clears his throat. His hair has turned the brightest pink that Joelle has ever seen it. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” 

Her eyes widen and she can’t fight the smile that comes to her face. These are the words that she’s been waiting to hear. The boy she’s fallen so hard for feels the same for her. She wraps her arms around his torso, burrowing her face into his chest. 

He jumps in surprise, but puts his arms around her, smiling into the crown of her head. “Is that a yes?” he says. 

She pulls back from him, beaming into his face. “One hundred percent yes,” she says. 

He kisses her and they leave the library, their hands intertwined for the first time. 

***

It’s Friday. The Ravenclaw versus Gryffindor game is tonight, the first of the tournament. Joelle is determined not to be the first team out, and she’s surely not going to lose to Jordan Kondi. 

The tournament spans the entire weekend, all three games happening back to back. If Ravenclaw makes it to the finals, they’ll have to play either Hufflepuff or Slytherin for the win and the extra points. 

Doyoung walks into the fitting rooms to change into his Quidditch robes. He hasn’t hung out with Joelle since he asked her to Winter Ball. She ditched him last night when they were supposed to practice together. He gets the feeling that she’s regretting agreeing to go with him.

She walks in with a big smile on her face, going straight to her locker and putting on her robes. Doyoung approaches her, not really sure what he’s going to say. 

She turns her big smile onto him, stopping his heart for a second before he looks away. 

“Ready to win tonight?” she says, smacking him on the shoulder as she usually does when she’s pumped. 

The one thing he loves about his relationship with Joelle is that, no matter how long they’ve been apart, they can fall back into their natural routine, the way they always are. He shouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that. They’re best friends.

But it’s getting harder and harder to suppress his feelings. Asking her to Winter Ball had been a leap in the direction that he wants their relationship to go, but he isn’t sure she understands. He knows she likes Taeyong, but he still wants to take his chance. He likes her that much. 

The team makes its way to the fields, Joelle practically skipping. She’s excited to win and she’s excited to see her new boyfriend in the Ravenclaw stands cheering her on with Jay and Emilia. 

Practice goes smoothly. Joelle feels like she’s at the top of her game. She and Doyoung work best together, tossing the Quaffle back and forth to the goal. They practice like that until the bell signaling the end of eighth period sounds from the castle. Kun whistles, telling everyone to touch down. 

“We look great up there,” he says with a big smile on his face. “I think we’re pulling a win tonight.”

“The after party is going to last all night!” Wendy says. 

They do their team cheer and head back to the changing rooms to put their brooms away. They head to the Great Hall to grab dinner. When they walk in, they’re greeted with loud cheers from Ravenclaw’s tables. Kun leads the team to their designated table and they begin to feast. 

Taeyong walks in with Johnny and sees his girlfriend with a bright smile on her face, food constantly going into her mouth. Johnny sees his hair turn bright yellow as they make their way to Hufflepuff’s tables. He’s glad his best friend is happy again. 

“You’ve been dating Joelle for over twenty four hours,” Johnny says as they sit down. “How are you feeling?”

Taeyong’s hair turns pink and his face reddens, but he can’t fight the smile that comes onto his face. “It’s only been a day,” he says. “But it’s been great.”

“I’m glad you finally asked her out,” Johnny says. 

Taeyong only smiles as they begin to eat. 

Joelle finishes eating and stands. “I’m going to go find Jay and Emilia,” she tells Doyoung when he looks at her in confusion. He nods and she skips out of the Great Hall, nearly running smack into her two best friends.

“Wow, dating Taeyong has made you literally skip,” Jay says with a laugh. 

Joelle only smiles as she puts her arms through theirs and leads them back into the Great Hall. 

She told Emilia and Jay about her and Taeyong immediately after it happened. Emilia had almost cried and she had heard Jay squeal for the first time ever. She has never been happier than she is right now. 

She sees Taeyong and Johnny and makes a beeline for them. She sits down next to Taeyong who gives her a big smile in greeting.

Jaehyun materializes out of nowhere and plops down next to Johnny. He winks at Jay, who blushes furiously and shoves food into her mouth. Johnny ignores the weird feeling he gets in his stomach. 

Doyoung approaches Joelle, who’s deep in conversation with Taeyong. He stops a little ways behind her when his eyes light on their hands. Their fingers are splayed over each other’s, not quite holding. His heart sinks as he taps her on the shoulder.

Her head shoots up. “Time to go?” 

Doyoung only nods. She turns back to Taeyong, leans in, and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek. Doyoung freezes. Jay feels almost sorry for him as she takes in the look on his face.

“I’ll be out there cheering you on,” Taeyong says. “Good luck!” 

Joelle waves to everyone as she follows Doyoung out of the Great Hall where the rest of the team is waiting. 

“You okay, man?” Kun says, slapping Doyoung on the back. “You look like you just saw a ghost.” 

Doyoung shakes his head and forces a smile onto his face. “Just ready to win this game,” he says. 

***

The game is really stressful for Taeyong to watch. Jordan is clearly cheating and doing everything in her power to hurt Joelle, but Joelle is fighting back. She’s had a few fouls called on her, even though Jordan is the one cheating. Taeyong’s voice is hoarse from screaming. 

Ravenclaw has pulled into the lead. Wendy is zipping around after the Snitch. Doyoung tosses the Quaffle to Joelle. Jordan zips behind her and knocks into her, trying to snatch the Quaffle. Joelle shoves her off, starting to get pissed. Jordan always plays dirty because that’s the only way she even has a chance of winning. 

One of the Beaters sends a Bludger her way, but Joelle ducks just in time. Taeyong exhales harshly; he keeps holding his breath unconsciously. 

Joelle passes the Quaffle to Doyoung, but Jordan knocks into her anyway. “Where’s the foul, Hooch!” Taeyong screams. 

Joelle zips away, but Jordan follows.

“What’s your problem?” Joelle shouts over the wind. 

She doesn’t respond; she rams into Joelle once again and catches the Quaffle that her teammate tosses to her. She comes to a dead stop and races for the goal. Joelle swears and races after her. 

Jordan the ball hog drives the Quaffle all the way to the goal. She tosses it, but Doyoung is there to catch it out of the air. Joelle cheers as he tosses it to her and they fly towards their goal. 

Jordan charges towards her, knocking into the back of her. She almost drops the Quaffle, but dives to the right, looking for another Seeker to pass it to. Jordan slams into her again, shoving her towards the goal. 

Joelle whips her head around and sees Jordan glaring at her. She has no idea what she did to Jordan. They never talk, if she can help it. 

Jay can literally see Taeyong fuming. His hair is bright red. He’s shouting at Hooch, who seems to be blind to all of these fouls. 

Joelle tosses the Quaffle to Doyoung, who’s trying to be a shield. The Beaters send Bludgers in Jordan’s direction, but she dodges them. Bludgers fly in Joelle’s direction. She ducks one, but the other one catches her in the stomach. She wheezes, the wind knocked out of her. Jordan zips in and knocks into her one last time. She falls off of her broom, the wind ripping into her robes as she falls. 

Doyoung races after her, but she hits the ground before he can grab her. She groans as pain shoots up her side. She breathes heavily to recover her breath from the Bludger. 

Jay and Emilia gasp. Taeyong is out of the stands, darting towards the fields. 

“Joelle is down! She seems to be very injured,” Lee Jordan announces. “Wendy seems to be close to catching the Snitch!”

Doyoung touches down just as Taeyong races onto the field. Joelle sits up, pain erupting throughout the rest of her body. She’s barely gotten hurt throughout her three years on the Quidditch team, and now this is the second time she’s been hurt in the season. 

Taeyong kneels beside her, supporting her back. Doyoung stands a little ways away, watching her with worry.

“Let’s get you to the infirmary,” Taeyong says. He helps her stand. The pain in her arm brings tears to her eyes. 

“Wendy has caught the Snitch!” Lee Jordan says. “Ravenclaw moves on to the finals!”

Joelle cheers. Taeyong smirks. Even in pain, she’s still worried about winning. 

Jay and Emilia meet them outside the stadium, along with Johnny, Jaehyun, Jaemin, and Jeno. 

“I’m okay, guys,” she says to everyone. “I’m going to go get something for my arm and I’ll be ready for Sunday.”

“You’re not seriously considering playing again in two days,” Jay says with a frown. 

“I have to,” Joelle says. “It’s the finals.” 

“Let’s get you to the infirmary,” Taeyong repeats. “We’ll talk about playing on Sunday later.” 

Joelle frowns at him, but nods. She beckons for Jay and Emilia to follow them. Doyoung keeps at a distance, but follows as well. 

“We were going to go dress shopping tomorrow, weren’t we?” Joelle says to her friends. 

“We can reschedule,” Emilia says quickly. “Your health is more important.”

Joelle shakes her head. “The ball is in two weeks,” she says. “We have to find something before all the good dresses are gone.” 

“If you feel better,” Jay says. 

Joelle rolls her eyes as they walk into the infirmary. Madame Pomfrey tsks as she leads Joelle to a cot. She examines her wounds, Joelle hissing when she gets to her arm. 

“Seems broken,” Pomfrey says. “I’ll give you a bone repairing medicine, but you’ll have to wear a sling for a few days.” 

Joelle shakes her head. “Is there anything stronger I can take?” she says. “Ravenclaw won, so I have to play on Sunday.”

Pomfrey gives her a look. “There is something I can give you, but it might make you pass out for a few hours.” 

“That’s fine!” Joelle says. “Give it to me.” 

Taeyong smooths Joelle’s hair back from her forehead. “I’ve taken that stuff,” he says. “It burns like crazy. The pain of it makes you pass out. Are you sure you want to do that?” 

“I really need to play on Sunday.” She looks at him with puppy eyes, melting his heart. “Just be here when I wake up, okay?” 

“Of course.” He takes her hand in his. 

“We’ll be here, too, even though we’re probably not as good as your boyfriend,” Jay says, wiping away a fake tear.

Joelle laughs. “If you guys want to stay, you can, but if you have something to do, please go do it.” She looks at Taeyong. “Same goes for you.” 

Doyoung’s world starts crashing in front of his eyes. Boyfriend. She’s officially dating Taeyong. He wants to be happy for her because she’s liked him for so long, but he’s feeling angry, resentful, and sad. 

“Jeno wants to do homework, so I’ll probably be back later tonight,” Emilia says. 

“Neither you nor Jeno do homework,” Joelle says with a laugh. “But have fun.” She gives Emilia a knowing smile, making her blush. She leaves the infirmary as Pomfrey comes back with the medicine. 

“This is extremely painful,” she warns before she hands it to Joelle. She grows impatient, grabbing it from Pomfrey. 

“Bottoms up,” she says. She downs the shot of medicine. 

The pain is instant. It’s an intense sear in her arm, like she’s holding her arm directly into a fire. She cries out as she literally feels her bone sewing itself back together. Taeyong winches in pain as she grips his hand tightly. 

Her vision gets cloudy and she grows dizzy from the pain. She tries to fight the unconsciousness that’s coming, but her head falls against the pillow and her world goes black. 

***

Jeno and Emilia sit in the library trying their best to be quiet. Jeno won’t stop making her laugh and she can’t control her laughter so she’s getting some dirty looks from nearby students. 

“Can we please get back to studying Defense Against the Dark Arts?” Emilia says. 

“Have you gone dress shopping yet?” Jeno says.

Emilia starts at the unexpected question. He’s kind of flipping through his book, not looking at her. 

“Why?” she says. 

Jeno shrugs. “I just wanted to know what color it is so I can try to match.” 

Emilia’s heart starts skipping in her chest against her will. She tries to fight the smile coming to her face at how cute he looks pretending to study. She’s never seen him act this shy before. 

He probably shouldn’t have asked because now he’s put himself in an uncomfortable position. Of course, he does want to know what kind of dress she got. It doesn’t matter because she’ll look pretty in anything… 

He shakes his head and waits for her answer. He needs to rein in his loose thoughts. 

“I’m going shopping tomorrow with Joelle and Jay,” she says. “I’ll let you know what color it is when I find something.” 

His eyes morph into little crescent moons as he smiles. Emilia looks down at her book quickly before she can say something stupid like, “You have a cute smile” or “I like when your eyes do that thing.” 

“I kind of want to check up on Joelle,” Emilia says, closing her textbook. She wasn’t studying anyway. 

“You should,” he says, giving her a small smile. “Tell her I said hi.”

Her heart starts soaring into the stratosphere. She doesn’t know why Jeno is the sweetest boy she’s ever met, and she also doesn’t know why he’s been making her heart do weird things recently. 

She packs up her backpack and stands to go. Jeno waves before he goes back to his book. She guesses he really needs to study. 

Jay bounds down the steps from her room to go back to the infirmary. It’s nearly midnight, but she never sleeps so she can stay with Joelle until she wakes up. 

She stops when she sees Johnny and Jordan in the commons. She’s really not a fighter, but seeing Jordan instantly angers her. She’s the reason Jay is on her way to see her passed out best friend in the infirmary. 

She ducks her head anyway to avoid confrontation as she makes her way to the door. She hears them deep in conversation, Johnny sounding a little pissed. 

“She’s in the infirmary,” he’s saying. 

“It’s not my fault she fell off of her broom,” Jordan says flippantly. “Maybe she needs to practice more.”

Jay freezes by the door. She will not let this snake badmouth her best friend in front of her.

Before she can back out, she turns on her heel and marches up to Jordan and Johnny. Jordan sneers while Johnny looks embarrassed. 

“It must suck, huh?” Jay says. “You have to cheat in order to win, and even then, you still lose. How does it feel?”

Jordan hops up, getting right in Jay’s face. “Joelle won, but she’s the one in the infirmary, so who really lost?” 

Jay shoves her away, her face growing red with anger. She wants to put Jordan in a cot so badly, but she doesn’t want to stoop that low. She notices Johnny for the first time. He’s standing now, holding Jordan back. She’s ranting and raving about nothing. Johnny makes sorry eyes at Jay. That seems to be the basis of their relationship recently. 

Jay leaves the tower, making her way to the infirmary, her anger still fresh in her veins. She won’t tell Joelle about the encounter because it’ll just make her upset. If she’s even awake to hear it. 

She runs into Emilia on her way there. “What happened with Jeno?” she says.

Emilia immediately blushes. Jay’s eyebrow raises in confusion. “Nothing,” Emilia says. “I just wanted to come see Joelle.”

“Okay,” Jay says slowly. They open the infirmary doors and walk inside. 

Taeyong is sitting next to Joelle’s cot, holding her hand, his thumb running over it in slow circles. He looks up when he sees them come in. 

“Hey, guys,” he says in greeting. “She’s still out.” 

“We figured,” Jay says. They pull chairs out to sit in. 

Conversation flows between them softly. Quidditch, the ball, classes; they talk about nothing in particular to pass the time. 

The clock strikes the hour. A yawn rips out of Emilia. It’s nearing three in the morning. She wants to climb into one of the cots and sleep, but she wants to be awake if Joelle wakes up. 

“We could all use some rest,” Taeyong says, sounding like an older brother. “You guys go back to Hufflepuff and sleep. I’ll sleep in a cot.” 

“We’ll stay, too,” Jay says. 

Taeyong shakes his head. “Trust me,” he says. “You do not want to sleep on these things.” 

Her warm bed with the soft quilt beckons her as Emilia grabs her backpack up. Jay follows her, still looking like she wants to hop in a cot and call it a night. 

As if he can read her mind, Taeyong waves his hand, making them leave. “She should be up in the morning,” he says. “I’ll see you both then.” He gives them a pointed look.

“He’s just like Joelle,” Emilia says as the infirmary doors close behind them. Jay nods in agreement. 

***

Jay and Emilia wake up early to go to the infirmary. Early as in eleven. 

They walk through the doors and see Joelle sitting up and talking to Taeyong. She spots them and waves the arm that’s supposed to be broken. 

“Feels brand new,” she says when they get to her side. “Ready for some dress shopping?” 

Jay and Emilia nod excitedly. They’re both glad to see their friend looking refreshed and all in one piece. 

“Let me know when you get back,” Taeyong says when they’re in the hall, giving Joelle a sweet kiss on the forehead. “Have fun shopping.” He mimes gagging as he waves goodbye. 

“To Hogsmeade!” Joelle says. 

*** 

“So nothing there.”

They’ve been in every clothing shop in Hogsmeade, but no luck finding any dresses. 

“Diagon Alley might be better,” Jay says. “They have that fancy place, Twilfitt and Tattings.” 

“I wish we could Apparate,” Joelle grumbles as they start the commute. 

They walk through the doors of Twilfitt and Tattings to the nicest dresses any of them have ever seen. Lace, tulle, ribbons, sequins, jewels, long dresses, short dresses, deep cut dresses, dresses with slits, sleeves, sleeveless, pockets. 

“We’re gonna be here for a while,” Emilia says, her eyes wide as she starts in on the racks. 

They must try on ten dresses each while they’re in the shop. The store is relatively empty, which is weird to them, considering the ball is two weeks away, unless everyone already found their dresses. 

Jay and Joelle wait in chairs while Emilia changes into another dress. She comes out of the room, her head hanging low with shyness.

“What about this one?” she says. 

Jay and Joelle gasp as they take in the dress. A short brown dress with a low sweetheart neckline lies inside of an almost jacket-like covering of tull. It’s brown with decorative sequins covering the length of it, catching the light, making Emilia sparkle. A belt cinches the middle, the sleeves ballooning and stopping at her wrists. The dress reaches the floor, making Emilia look regal and adding to her height. 

“You look amazing!” Joelle says. “This is your dress, definitely.” 

Emilia looks at herself in the mirror. “I look a little good,” she says with a smile.

“You’re getting that,” Jay says. “Don’t bother trying on anything else.”

Emilia giggles as she goes back into the dressing room to change out of the dress. She comes back out with it slung over her arm as she sits.

“Jay, your turn,” Joelle says. “We’ll be waiting.” 

Jay walks into the dressing room and quickly changes into her choice. She smooths the fabric down as she comes out to show her friends.

“Jay, oh my god!” Emilia says. “Imagine being that beautiful.” 

Jay looks in the mirror. She’s wearing a mauvy pink dress with a deep v-neck and straps that are decorated with sequined flowers that travel down the left side of the dress, dipping below the waistline. The skirt bellows out, grazing the floor, making her look long. 

“Buy it,” Joelle says. “Please, Jaehyun is going to cry when he sees you.”

“He is not going to cry,” Jay says as she looks at the dress closely. 

Joelle stands and moves into a dressing room. “Guess it’s my turn.” 

Jay and Emilia wait as Joelle takes her time in the dressing room. She comes out after a few minutes, twirling her skirt around.

“Well?” Joelle says. 

“Come on, goth queen!” Jay says. 

Joelle’s dress is completely black. The neck is decorated with a ribbon and see-through until it meets an A-line neckline. The neckline is decorated with black flowers that travel into the straps. The sleeves balloon and reach her wrist, the length from her elbow to her wrist decorated with more flowers. The skirt flows out from a cinched waist, surrounded in tulle.

“Taeyong is literally going to faint when he sees you,” Emilia says. “Heck, I’m about to faint right now.”

“Shush,” Joelle says, but she’s smiling. 

They make their pricey purchases and leave the store to make the commute back to the castle. Now that they all have their dresses, they can’t wait for these next two weeks to pass so they can enjoy their first Hogwarts ball.


	19. Chapter 16: Winter Ball Eve

The Winter Ball is tomorrow. Outfits have been coordinated. Slytherin won the Quidditch tournament, so now nobody knows who’s going to take the final win for their House. The whole school is buzzing with excitement. 

Johnny sits in his room, headphones in to block out the sound of Taeyong and Joelle laughing. He taps away on his phone, not really looking at anything. He gets a message from Jordan, but he ignores it. 

He and Jordan are becoming more and more distant. He barely answers her texts and when they do hang out, she has friends around and she’s constantly making him feel small, ignoring his wishes to hang out alone, go on a date, something. 

“I’m gonna get dinner with Jay and Emilia,” Joelle says. 

Taeyong pouts at her, but he kisses her on her forehead before walking her downstairs. 

Jay. Johnny tries not to think about her or see her when he can help it. Art class has been hard for him, but he also looks forward to it every day. 

Joelle joins Jay and Emilia at a Hufflepuff table. Jaehyun is sitting next to Jay. Joelle raises her eyebrow, but she says nothing, smirking at Emilia. 

“Where’s Taeyong?” Jay says. 

“I just wanted to eat with you guys,” Joelle says. 

“Are you telling me to leave?” Jaehyun says with a laugh. He stands up and pats Jay on her head. “I’ll text you later.” He gives her a dimpled smile before leaving. 

“Have you guys been hanging out a lot?” Joelle says as she fills her plate with food. 

“I mean, he is taking me to the ball tomorrow,” Jay says. “I figured I should know the guy.” 

They talk nearly every day. He walks her to class, eats lunch with her when Joelle and Emilia are busy, studies with her in the library. He sits with her while she works on her art projects, giving her compliments here and there. She didn’t expect to become friendly with Jaehyun; she just thought he was going to take her to the ball and that’s it. But she’s comfortable with him; they vibe really well together and she’s excited to go to the ball with him tomorrow. 

She doesn’t know if she still likes Johnny, but she doesn’t really like to think about it. All of the bridges between them are pretty much burned. She doesn’t know if she’s willing to put in the effort to build them back up.

Jaehyun texts her as she’s walking back to Hufflepuff with her friends. He wants to hang out in the library. She tells him she’ll be there soon as she walks into the commons. 

“Emi, you want to go dance?” Jeno is sitting on the couch, lounging with Jaemin. “Jaemin and I wanted to do a dance, but we need a third.” 

“Yeah, let me grab my workout bag.” She disappears upstairs. 

Taeyong and Johnny walk into the group. Taeyong immediately grabs Joelle into his arms, laying a kiss on her cheek, her giggles filling the air. Jay smiles; she’s glad her best friend is happy. 

Johnny tries not to let his heart get crazy when he sees her smile. She glances at him watching her. She can’t decide whether to smile or not, so she looks away. 

“I’m going to head to the library,” Jay says. 

“Need a study buddy?” Johnny says before he can stop himself. 

Jay gives him a look that he can’t decipher. Jeno, Jaemin, and Emilia have already gone to the dance room and Joelle and Taeyong went upstairs. They stand apart from each other, the discomfort growing.

“I’m going to meet Jaehyun,” Jay says after a while. 

“You guys are friends?” Johnny says. 

Jay gives him another look before saying, “Yeah, we’ve been hanging out since he’s taking me to the ball tomorrow.” 

He’s been trying to be happy for Jaehyun. He genuinely seems excited to be taking Jay to the ball. He just hopes he’ll be able to see her in her dress. 

Jay nods before making her way to the library to meet Jaehyun. Johnny gets a text from Jordan and he makes his way to Gryffindor to meet her. 

“Hard at work?” Jay approaches Jaehyun bent over his History of Magic textbook, his ink pen scribbling notes onto parchment. He looks up, flashing his dimpled smile at her. She decides she doesn’t feel anything when his dimples pop when he smiles.

“You excited for the ball tomorrow?” he says as she sits across from him. 

“I actually am,” she says. “Do you want to know the color of my dress so we can coordinate?”

He shakes his head. “I want it to be a complete surprise.” He dimples at her again. “I know you’re gonna be the prettiest girl there.” 

She blushes and starts doodling in her sketchpad. “You should wait until you see my friends,” she says. 

“I’ll probably only be looking at you.” She looks up at him. He’s smiling down at his textbook.

They sit in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company. Her thoughts drift to Johnny. He’d asked to join her in the library. Was he finally showing interest in her? He was still with Jordan, but it’s like now, he wants to be her friend at least. But does he only want to be her friend because she’s friends with Jaehyun? 

Is he jealous?

The thought makes her angry. His girlfriend embarrassed her in front of the entire Great Hall. He avoided her like the plague, put the blame on her, and let her stew in shame. She grips her pencil so tightly, her knuckles turn white. 

“Everything okay?” Jaehyun says. 

“Everything’s fine,” she says with a tight smile. He looks like he doesn’t believe her, but he goes back to reading. 

“Mind if I join you guys?” 

Jay freezes at the sound of that voice. She can’t look up from her sketchbook. Jaehyun turns towards the voice and sees Johnny holding his textbooks in his arms, a nervous smile on his face. 

“Yeah, dude, pull up a chair,” Jaehyun says. Jay looks up and shoots him an angry look. His eyebrows come together in confusion as Johnny sits next to him. 

“What are you working on?” Johnny says, pointing to Jay’s sketchbook. She brings her sketchbook closer to her. 

“Nothing really,” she says. The peaceful feeling she had had with Jaehyun was now shattered. 

She wants Johnny to leave. There are a million thoughts running through her mind, too many feelings for her to process. Just when she had been thinking about her stance on how she feels about him, he suddenly wants to be friendly. 

“Are you guys excited for the ball tomorrow?” Johnny says. 

“Yeah,” Jaehyun says for the both of them. “I’m excited to see what Jay is gonna wear.” 

She flames red as she shoots him a look. He has a fire burning in his eyes that she can’t decipher. 

Johnny stops himself before he can agree. “We’ll see you coming down the stairs,” he says instead with a little laugh. 

“I love that for me,” she says. “Everyone’s eyes looking on me as I stumble down the stairs in heels I can’t walk in? Sounds fun.” 

Johnny fights a smile as Jaehyun laughs. “Just wear comfortable shoes,” he says. “We’re going to be doing a lot of dancing.” 

Jay groans. “You know I don’t want to dance.”

“We’re dancing.” He looks back down at his book, his dimples on full display. 

Johnny grows uncomfortable as they banter back and forth. He watches Jay laugh with ease, some of her barriers knocked down. For Jaehyun. Every time he tries to push past her defenses, she strengthens them with another army of cold stares and unfeeling smiles. 

Why does he want to push past her defenses? What’s the point in trying to be her friend now? The damage has been done. He’s with Jordan. He has to learn how to control the stammering of his heart whenever her laugh pitches up an octave, how to keep his hand from moving that loose strand of hair falling in her face as she’s drawing. 

Johnny stands. Who he wants to notice doesn’t. Jaehyun bids him goodbye as he leaves the library and makes it back to his room. He hears Taeyong and Joelle talking from outside the door. He hesitates with his hand on the doorknob. 

He’s extremely happy for his best friend. He’s finally with the girl he’s been crushing on for a year. He’s never seen Taeyong happier. Johnny wouldn’t say that he’s jealous; he would say that he wants to feel the same happiness that Taeyong does. He wants to look forward to seeing Jordan, he wants to plan cute dates for them, he wants to just be happy with her again. But she would rather spend time with her friends and when they are together, he gets the overwhelming urge to leave. 

He sits on a couch in the commons, staring at the door, as if willing someone to walk through it, willing someone to see that something isn’t right with him, to talk to him. He always feels better after he’s talked about his problems, but there’s no one to talk to anymore. He feels bad bothering Taeyong constantly, and Jordan definitely doesn’t want to hear him vent. 

Jay would be a good listener. She would sit with him and look him in the eyes as he talked about whatever was bothering him. She would give him some kind of advice, something to ease his tension, and he would feel better. He would feel comfortable with her, knowing that she wasn’t judging him and was always willing to listen to him. 

The door opens. His heart stops for a minute as two First Years fill the commons. They give him a polite smile as they walk up to the girls’ rooms. 

His heart resumes its regular heartbeat as silence reenters the commons. He needs to be around someone. Being alone is dangerous for his rampaging thoughts. He pulls his phone out and finds her contact, pressing the phone icon. 

“Hi, babe,” Jordan says. There’s noise in the background. 

“Hey,” he says. “Can you come over?” 

“Why?” she says. 

_I need company. I think I’m falling for someone that isn’t you and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to hurt you, but I think I already am. And I’m hurting myself in the process._

“I just want to see you,” he says. 

“I’m kind of busy right now.” She laughs loudly at something happening. “I’ll see you at dinner.” The phone line dies. 

He looks at his call log. It’s only Jordan, with sprinkles of Taeyong and other members of the Quidditch team. He locks his phone and resumes staring at the door. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Jaehyun says. He and Jay are standing just outside of Hufflepuff’s door. “I don’t want to see you before tomorrow night.” 

“I won’t see you at dinner?” she says. 

He smiles at the almost pout she gives. “I guess we can eat together,” he says. 

She holds up her hand for a high five. Their palms touch as the sound of contact echoes in the nearly empty space. She smiles before she gives the password and disappears behind the door. 

Jaehyun strolls back to Gryffindor, his dimples on full display. If there was any doubt that he liked Jay, his day with her in the library had cleared it all away. 

*** 

Johnny can’t fall asleep. Jordan bailed on him for having dinner, so he had had to sit with Taeyong, Joelle, Jaehyun, Jay, and Emilia. He had tried so hard not to look at Jay, just focus on eating, but it had been hard to ignore her laugh, to ignore how animated she got when talking to Jaehyun. He had left the table first; no one had bothered to try to make him stay or even say a decent goodbye. 

Taeyong is on Prefect duty, which means he’s roaming the halls with Joelle. Johnny rolls over onto his side, looking out of the window across from Taeyong’s bed. The clouds are hanging low in the sky, the night air silent. 

More than excitement for the ball tomorrow, he feels dread. He doesn’t want to see Jay in her dress. He doesn’t want to spend the whole night trying to keep Jordan’s attention while he wishes he could dance with Jay, just one dance. 

He closes his eyes and begs sleep to come. He doesn’t know how tomorrow night is going to go. He just hopes he doesn’t hurt anyone. 


	20. Chapter 17: The Descent Into A Magical Night

Emilia is nervous, the body shaking, hands trembling, palms sweating nervous. 

She doesn’t know why she’s nervous to go to a school dance. She’s going with her friend, someone she knows, and she’ll have her two best friends there. Yet she has this terrible feeling that something’s going to go wrong. 

She and Jeno had been spending most of their time together leading up to tonight. They danced all the time and studied, or tried to, for tests they definitely were underprepared for. Jaemin would tag along sometimes, but he mostly left the two of them alone. 

Emilia thinks she likes Jeno a little beyond friendship, but she’s already decided that there’s no way she would ever tell him. She would never do anything to jeopardize their bond. She had told Jay one night about her feelings while they were lying awake, and Jay, of course, had told her to tell him. She could feel it bubbling in her throat, threatening to spill out, when she and Jeno would hang out some days, but she managed to keep it trapped in her mouth, keeping that wall secure. 

She looked in the mirror one last time. She popped a light pink gloss over top her nude lipstick. Her eyes shimmered gold and brown to match her dress. Her hair was in a high bun, a necklace decorating her neck. 

“Let me finish up my makeup so we can put on our dresses,” Joelle says. She takes Emilia’s spot at the mirror as she coats her lashes in mascara. 

“Are we all going to walk down together?” Jay says as she gets her dress ready. 

“Of course,” Joelle says. “The power trio has to descend the grand steps together in glory.” 

“Wow,” Jay says, “That’s the worst sentence you’ve ever said.” 

Emilia laughs as she grabs up her dress. It’s prettier than she remembers it being when she bought it. She lays it across her bed, taking in the sequins decorating the brown tulle, the belt beside it. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to do your eyeshadow?” Emilia asks Jay. “Not even just a dusty pink in your crease?” 

“Just the pink,” Jay says. 

Emilia grabs her palette and gets to work while Joelle finishes up her look. Emilia brushes a soft pink through Jay’s crease. She grabs a pink shimmer shade with her finger and starts applying it to her eyelid. 

“I thought you were just doing the pink,” Jay says, but she stays still as Emilia finishes. 

“It is pink,” Emilia says. “With some sparkle.” She holds up a handheld mirror so Jay can see how she looks. 

“It’s pretty,” Jay says, giving her friend a smile. “Thank you.” 

“Okay, let’s get dressed,” Joelle says. She has sharp black eyeliner on her eyes with thick lashes. Her lips are painted a scarlet red. 

“I call the bathroom,” Emilia says. She grabs her dress and runs inside, closing the door behind her. 

She slips into her dress, already feeling a little self-conscious. She hopes Jeno will like it. She cinches the belt around her waist and checks herself out in the mirror. She feels pretty for once. She rejoins her friends in her room. 

“You guys look so beautiful,” Emilia says, her eyes widening. “Jaehyun and Taeyong are literally going to die.” 

Joelle smooths out the black fabric of her dress. “Jeno might drop to one knee when he sees you,” she says. 

Emilia’s cheeks flush, the color mixing with the blush on her cheeks. “He won’t,” she mumbles. 

“We all look fantastic,” Joelle says. She gives them a bright smile. “You guys ready to go?” 

Emilia’s heart starts hammering in her chest, her previous nervousness returning. The guys are going to be waiting for them at the bottom of the staircase, all eyes on them. She tugs on her belt, it suddenly feeling snug. 

Joelle takes both of their hands in hers. “Let’s go have a great time,” she says. “And if you guys need anything, come find me. I’ll ditch Taeyong for you guys.” 

“I’m genuinely touched,” Jay says to Emilia. “You know if she’d ditch Taeyong for us, that’s true love.” 

Joelle squeezes their hands and they leave Hufflepuff Tower and make their way to the staircase leading down to the Great Hall. 

They can hear the loud murmur of voices blending together as they get closer. A couple of girls pass by them, giving them compliments as they do. Emilia feels her confidence growing from the praise as they finally see the stairs, hordes of girls walking down to meet their dates. 

“I hope Taeyong is down there,” Joelle says. “He better not make me look dumb in front of everyone.” 

Jay and Emilia laugh as they begin their descent down the grand staircase. Their eyes immediately search for their boys while they focus on not tripping and falling down the stairs. 

*** 

Jeno’s eyes keep flickering towards the staircase as every girl but Emi comes down. He’s standing with Jaemin, Taeyong, Jaehyun, and Johnny, their conversation sparse since they’re anxiously awaiting the arrival of their dates.

“They’ll probably be the last ones to come,” Taeyong says. “Joelle is pretty slow.” 

“I’m sure Jay is already done,” Jaehyun says with a laugh. Johnny keeps his mouth shut. 

A group of girls gathers at the top of the staircase. Jeno’s eyes flick up, but quickly back to Jaemin when he realizes Emilia isn’t among them. 

Johnny sees Jordan at the head of her pack. He maneuvers around his friends and stands to greet her. He feels no excitement, no fluttering of butterflies, nothing. She was wearing a gaudy hot pink dress with sequins all over it. It cinched her waist to nearly nothing, the bottom in traditional ball gown style. Her friends didn’t look much better as they all barrell down the stairs. 

“How do I look?” Jordan says, twirling in front of Johnny. 

He forces a smile onto his face. “You look great,” he says. 

She frowns. “That’s it?” she says. Her group calls for her. “I’ll be back in a minute.” She walks away in a flush of neon. 

“There they are,” Taeyong says, a big smile on his face, his hair bright yellow. Johnny, Jaehyun, and Jeno turn to look up at the staircase. 

Joelle appears first, Jay and Emilia beside her. They’re holding hands as they make their way down the stairs. Jeno sees Emilia’s eyes roaming the crowd. He starts to wave his hand to get her attention, but he freezes as his eyes fully take her in. 

Beautiful is the first word that pops into his mind. Her dress is flowing behind her, her hair done up in a regal way. His heart starts doing a dance routine in his chest, butterflies swarming his stomach, threatening to burst free. He has to tell her tonight, this night full of magic. He has to. 

Taeyong wants to run up the rest of the steps and grab Joelle into a hug. She looks stunning in her full black dress, her lips bright red. He wants to kiss her, but he knows she’ll get mad. His own butterflies bloom in his stomach. He has the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. 

Jaehyun lets a whistle escape as he sees Jay descend in her mauve dress. He notices her makeup and he tries to force his heart to beat normally. Hopefully his confession goes well tonight. 

Johnny walks away to find Jordan after he’s seen Jay. He can’t do this to himself anymore. He at least has to try.


	21. Chapter 18: This Night is Full of Surprises

Much to his chagrin, Doyoung is running very behind. 

He doesn’t have a date anymore. He wanted Joelle to go with her boyfriend, as much as he wanted to go with her; he felt that it was wrong of him to go with someone else’s girlfriend. 

It’s nearing seven, the start of the ball, and he hasn’t even made it to the commons. He checks himself in the mirror one last time, making the decision to undo the top button on his button up before leaving Ravenclaw and joining the crowd of other lategoers. 

“Where’s Joelle?” Kun comes up behind him and claps a hand on his shoulder, Wendy waving from beside him. 

“She’s probably already with Taeyong,” Doyoung says, his throat closing around Taeyong’s name. 

Joelle and Taeyong have been together for weeks, yet his heart still drops to his feet when he sees them together. PDA isn’t allowed in the hallways, but he can feel their affection for each other without having to see them hold hands or kiss. He gets frustrated with himself when he starts to feel sad. He and Joelle would only hang out during Quidditch practice, and since the tournaments are over, he doesn’t see her at all. 

He misses her. He misses his best friend. But he doesn’t know if he can be around her without his strong feelings for her resurfacing and slamming into him like a semi. He constantly wonders if he would’ve confessed to her sooner, would she be with him instead? 

He and his teammates get to the stairs and travel down to join the crowd. Doyoung’s eyes inadvertently search for her, for her long black hair, her sparkling eyes outshining the chandeliers dangling from the ceiling. 

They reach the bottom of the stairs, and he sees her. Her dress is completely black. When her face turns towards him, he sees her full lips painted scarlet red.

Her eyes roam over the crowd before they land on Doyoung. Her face explodes into a smile, more blinding than any sun that he’s seen. The clock chimes the hour and the doors to the Great Hall open. As the crowd surges inside, she walks against the grain towards Doyoung. He stands stock still as shoulders bump into him, his eyes never leaving hers. 

“Don’t you look great,” Joelle says as soon as she’s within earshot. Her smile hasn’t faded. He can’t look away. 

His mouth works, but he can’t formulate sentences. Her smile starts to dim and confusion works its way across her features. “You look beautiful,” he says quickly before she can walk away. 

The brightness returns. “Thanks, Doyoung,” she says. He can’t control the galloping of his heart across his chest. “Ready to go inside?”

“Aren’t you supposed to walk in with Taeyong?” he says. He can hear the underlying bitterness in his voice, but she doesn’t let on if she does. 

She shrugs. “I’ve missed you,” she says. Her expression suddenly turns serious. “I wanted to walk in with you.”

He can’t control himself anymore. He grabs her hand in his, intertwining their fingers. She doesn’t even flinch. Her hand is rough from Quidditch. She smiles as she pulls him behind the last of the crowd and they enter the Great Hall. 

The Great Hall is completely white. The chandeliers are decorated with frost and icicles, real snow falling from the ceiling in soft, fluffy flakes. The tables are covered with white tablecloths, white roses in a vase as the centerpiece, plates and goblets ready at their places in front of the chairs. The dance floor is huge, the live orchestra playing soft background music. 

“It’s beautiful,” Joelle breathes. 

Doyoung watches her eyes fill with the soft sparkle that’s circling around the room. He feels his heart literally melt at her expression. Unrequited love is the worst pain. 

“Save me a dance?” she says as she pulls away to find Taeyong. His hand feels cold. 

Jeno and Emilia are already on the dance floor. Jeno’s confidence grows as she gives him bright smiles, holding his hands as they maneuver through the crowd of people. He’ll tell her after dinner. 

Johnny walks through the doors by himself. His chest feels lighter than it has in a while. Guilt settles in the pit of his stomach, but he knows he did the right thing. Jordan hadn’t even been upset. He sees her hot pink dress on the dance floor, a smile on her face as she dances with her friends. 

Taeyong swings his girlfriend around the dance floor, hugging her close to him. The snow gathers in her hair, and he kisses her cheek. She gave him strict rules not to kiss her on her lips so her lipstick doesn’t get onto him. He told her he didn’t care, but he complied, smooching her cheeks whenever he could.

Jay and Jaehyun are dancing near Jeno and Emilia. Jay thought she would be sitting down by now, grubbing on some food, but she’s having fun with Jaehyun. The orchestra had been switched out with a band, and the crowd was jumping and bumping together. 

They dance for a while, their gaiety mixing with the atmosphere. Jeno drags Emilia to a table so they can eat dinner. His heart starts pounding. After they eat, he’s going to do it. 

“I need, like, three gallons of water,” Emilia says as she fills up her cup and starts gulping. “It’s so hot.” 

He laughs as he starts eating. Emilia takes a good look at him. He’s dressed completely in black, his button up with the top two buttons open, a blazer over that. He’s wearing form fitting black pants with shiny black dress shoes. She almost chokes on her water. He looks good. 

Her heart thumps with expectation. She doesn’t know what she’s expecting, but she feels like she wants to kiss Jeno by the end of the night, and that terrifies her. If she does, they won’t be friends anymore.

Jordan approaches Jaehyun when she sees that he’s alone. She sits in Jay’s unoccupied seat, smiling sweetly. 

“You need something?” Jaehyun says. He’s never felt much of anything towards Jordan, even though they’re teammates on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. 

“Just wanted to talk,” she says. She’s dropped her sickly sweet smile and she’s gazing at him with curiosity. 

“About what?” he says. He keeps his guard up.

She shrugs. “We play together, but I barely know you.”

“I figured you didn’t care about the team,” he says. “Since you never eat dinner with us, show up late to practice, and leave before practice is over with some kind of excuse.” 

Jordan whistles. “That’s fair,” she says. She gives a little laugh. “I definitely care about the team. I have a reputation to uphold though.”

“What reputation is that?” he says.

“A bitch.” She shrugs again. He sees her eyebrows come together with a little sadness. He puts a hand on her shoulder. She looks up and smiles sadly at him. 

“I don’t think you’re a bitch,” he says truthfully. “I think you might have a lot going on and you don’t know how to deal with it.” 

“I guess so,” she says. “Like some movie character who has a lot of inner turmoil so they act like a bitch, but deep down, they’re a nice person.” 

Jaehyun laughs. “Are you a nice person?” he says.

“That’s for you to decide.” She gives him a sweet smile, but it’s no longer sickly. 

Jay looks over at the table she left Jaehyun at and sees him laughing with Jordan. Her heart jerks in her chest. She’s probably not jealous; she just dislikes Jordan. 

She sees them get up and make their way to the big double doors of the Great Hall. She moves away from Joelle and Emilia who ask her where she’s going. She stops and starts several times, her body reacting before her mind can catch up with it. 

Why is she worried about what Jaehyun is doing? If he wants to go talk to Jordan, let him. It’s not like they’re dating or anything. 

She makes her way back over to her friends, but she still feels worry seeping into her chest. Anything involving Jordan is bound to be bad news. 

Jeno walks up to Emilia, his throat closing as his hand hovers over her shoulder. Joelle catches sight of him before he’s ready to announce his presence and she flashes him a big smile. She nods in his direction and Emilia turns around. 

“Hey!” she says. Excitement is rolling off of her in waves, its contagious nature loosening his vocal chords and allowing him to speak. 

“Do you want to walk the halls for a little?” he says. “It’s a little stuffy in here.” 

“Yeah, let’s go.” Feeling emboldened, she takes him by the hand and leads him through the double doors. 

Jeno starts pumping himself up mentally. _You can do this _, he thinks. _Just ask her out. The worst she can say is no _. He almost hesitates. The worst she could say is no and then their friendship is ruined and he’s lost his best friend and he doesn’t know if he can handle that.____

____They stop at one of the window alcoves by a set of stairs. They squish inside together, facing each other. This is where Emilia comes when she wants to be alone._ _ _ _

____She gazes at him expectantly. Her heart thumps so loud in her chest, she thinks Jeno can hear it. He won’t make eye contact with her and he’s wringing his hands in his laps._ _ _ _

____“Emi,” he starts. He makes eye contact with her, making her jump. “I like you.”_ _ _ _

____He breathes out after he says it. His chest feels so much lighter, even if she doesn’t reciprocate his feelings._ _ _ _

____Emilia’s heart starts pumping in overtime. Jeno has gone back to not looking at her. She opens and closes her mouth, words not coming to her._ _ _ _

____She likes Jeno. She really does. He’s so sweet, so funny, so talented, so smart, even though he denies all of it. He teases her relentlessly, he always knows how to press her buttons, but he’s always there for her when she’s even a little upset. He was there for her through the Renjun mess. She likes him so much._ _ _ _

____She swallows, willing her throat to produce words. “I like you, Jeno,” she says._ _ _ _

____Jeno’s head whips up and his face slowly cracks open with a smile. “You do?” he says. “You really do?”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah,” Emilia says._ _ _ _

____Jeno stands, dragging her up with him and wrapping his arms around her. “This doesn’t even feel real,” he says into her hair._ _ _ _

____She can’t believe he’s holding her. She can’t believe she’s holding him. She’s standing in the middle of the hall hugging the boy she likes. This can’t be real._ _ _ _

____She hears a high-pitched giggle echo from the foot of the stairs. Her body tenses and Jeno pulls back, concern etching his face._ _ _ _

____“Is something wrong?” he says._ _ _ _

____Jordan and Jaehyun appear from behind the wall and pass by the stairs. Jordan looks up and locks eyes with Emilia. She glares at Jordan, who smirks in response. She slinks her arm through Jaehyun’s and they pass out of her line of vision._ _ _ _

____“Why is Jaehyun with Jordan and not Jay?” Emilia says, more to herself. “I don’t like this.”_ _ _ _

____They walk back to the Great Hall, Emilia trying not to bite her fingernails. Jay might think she’s being dramatic, or she won’t think anything of it. But Jordan is bad news, regardless. She should probably let Jay know._ _ _ _

____Jeno grabs her hand as they walk through the double doors and her racing thoughts melt away. She almost forgets she’s supposed to tell Jay that her date is going somewhere with Jordan._ _ _ _

____“I’ll be with Jaemin,” Jeno says. He gives her a smile before letting go of her hand and disappearing into the crowd. Her hand feels colder as she pushes through people to find Jay and Joelle._ _ _ _

____Jay is sitting at a table, sipping from a cup when Emilia finds her. Joelle and Taeyong aren’t too far away, dancing together. Emilia plops down next to her._ _ _ _

____“Where’s Jaehyun?” Emilia says. She doesn’t want to outright tell her Jaehyun and Jordan are out somewhere doing whatever._ _ _ _

____Jay’s body tenses and her face turns stony. “I saw him leave with Jordan, so I don’t know.”_ _ _ _

____Emilia relaxes a little. She doesn’t have to be the bearer of bad news, but Jay looks upset. She can’t tell Jay she saw him because she just asked where he was. She messed this up._ _ _ _

____“I’m sure it’s nothing,” she says. “I’m pretty sure Jaehyun doesn’t like her.”_ _ _ _

____“I don’t care what Jaehyun does,” Jay says. “I’m not his mom.”_ _ _ _

____Emilia starts to feel uncomfortable, so she decides to change the subject. “I think me and Jeno might be dating.”_ _ _ _

____Jay’s eyes widen and a smile wipes away her annoyance. “He finally told you he likes you?” she says._ _ _ _

____Emilia sputters. “You knew?”_ _ _ _

____“It’s so obvious,” Jay says. “But I’m glad he said something.”_ _ _ _

____Jeno suddenly appears and puts a hand on Emi’s shoulder affectionately. “Hey, Jay,” he says with a smile. “Can I steal Emi from you?”_ _ _ _

____Jay winks at Emilia. “Of course,” she says. “Have fun.”_ _ _ _

____Once Emilia is gone, Jay’s feelings of loneliness return. She wants to take off her dress, her makeup, and go to sleep. She isn’t having fun anymore._ _ _ _

____“Want to dance?” Johnny’s figure materializes from nowhere above her. She looks up, at his outstretched hand, his tentative smile. He can feel his hand start to sweat, but he resists the urge to wipe it on his pants._ _ _ _

____She sighs, slapping her hand into his. She might as well see if she can enjoy herself again._ _ _ _

____They awkwardly dance next to each other. The band hasn’t let up, upbeat songs playing one after the other. Jay feels herself start to loosen up, allowing herself to have fun. Johnny offers his hand again and she takes it. He twirls her around and around, closing the space between them. Her feelings start to bubble under the surface as she watches his dimples appear, directed at her._ _ _ _

____They dance through the next three songs, sweat beading on both of their foreheads. Jay’s feelings are threatening to break through the dam she had so carefully constructed. They haven’t even talked, but two years of dedicated crushing is a lot to snuff._ _ _ _

____“Do you wanna wander the halls?” Johnny says. His top three buttons are undone, his face and neck glistening with sweat. Jay looks down at the ground so he doesn’t see her face burning red._ _ _ _

____“Sure,” she says. “Seems like you’re a little hot.”_ _ _ _

____She clamps her mouth shut. Now is not the time to sound like a smartass. She looks up to see if he’s mad, but he’s laughing as he wipes the back of his hand across his forehead._ _ _ _

____“Just a little.” He walks towards the double doors, Jay following at his heels._ _ _ _

____“So are you and Jaehyun dating?” he says. He knows she’s going to get defensive, but he has to know before he goes through with this._ _ _ _

____Jay shakes her head. “We’re just friends,” she says._ _ _ _

____Maybe it’s from the atmosphere of the ball, or the fact that her dam has now been broken, but she says, “I thought I might like him, but I’m not sure.”_ _ _ _

____Her mouth feels like cotton. She should really not speak anymore tonight before she slips up and things go south._ _ _ _

____Jay keeps her walls up. She doesn’t like to dive too deep into her own psyche, much less hash it out with someone else. She doesn’t even tell Joelle and Emilia, two of her best friends. She would prefer it if her feelings were left unexplored, if her emotions were kept in a neutral state. Which is why she doesn’t understand why she’s feeling the need to tell Johnny about the state of her nonexistent love life._ _ _ _

____“What makes you say that?” he says. They’re lazily cruising the halls, no destination set._ _ _ _

____Jay shrugs. “I’ve just never liked anyone else, so I don’t know-” She shuts her mouth so fast, her teeth clack together._ _ _ _

____Johnny’s heartbeat quickens, but he says nothing. Anyone else. He knows she liked him, but he doesn’t know where he stands with her now._ _ _ _

____Should he tell her? He should, but something is stopping him. Jordan? No, that had to be done. He doesn’t think Jay likes him anymore, but he can’t hold this in. He has to tell her. If she doesn’t feel the same way, so be it._ _ _ _

____“Jay, I-”_ _ _ _

____A high-pitched giggle cuts him off. He knows that laugh. He shakes his head and turns his attention back to Jay._ _ _ _

____“You what?” she says. Her heart is thumping with anticipation. She feels like he’s about to say something he’ll regret and she doesn’t know how to not hurt his feelings._ _ _ _

____The giggle sounds again as he opens his mouth. He involuntarily starts moving towards the sound of her laugh, Jay staying where she is._ _ _ _

____He rounds a corner and stops dead in his tracks. He looks behind him quickly to make sure Jay hasn’t followed him. She has a question on her face as she starts to approach him. He holds his hands out to stop her._ _ _ _

____His heart sinks to the bottom of his feet, but not for him. For Jay. She’s going to pretend not to be upset, but he won’t be able to bear seeing her initial reaction._ _ _ _

____Johnny grabs her shoulders and gently guides her away. She shrugs him off, irritation crossing her face._ _ _ _

____“What is it?” Jay says. She starts walking back to the corner. Johnny dives in front of her, making her stop._ _ _ _

____“It’s nothing,” he says quickly. “Let’s just go back inside.”_ _ _ _

____Jay pushes past him a little harder than she means to and rounds the corner._ _ _ _

____She shoves the gasp she feels coming up down her throat. Her feet feel like they’ve been trapped in cement; she can’t force herself to turn away before they see her. Though she doubts they’ll notice her at all._ _ _ _

____Johnny grabs her shoulders gently and leads her away from the sight of Jaehyun and Jordan trying to eat each other’s faces off._ _ _ _


	22. Chapter 19: Begging

Johnny’s glad he wasn’t able to see her face. He keeps his hands on her shoulders as he steers her back to the Great Hall. 

Johnny broke up with Jordan right before the ball started. It felt wrong to have her on his arm when he didn’t have feelings for her anymore. It felt wrong to be going to this night full of magic feeling nothing but guilt. Seeing her kissing Jaehyun should have upset him, but he can’t worry about what he’s feeling. He has to make sure Jay is okay. 

“Let go of me,” Jay says quietly. The doors of the Great Hall loom in front of her. Everything in her is screaming for her bed. She can’t go back inside. 

Johnny removes his hands from her shoulders, but stays at her side. She’s not moving.

Her reaction tells her that she did like Jaehyun. Seeing his hands roaming over Jordan’s body, their lips trying to engulf each other. She can’t burn away the image from her mind. She can’t even muster up the energy to cry. She can’t feel anything. 

Johnny puts his hand back on her shoulder and leads her away from the Great Hall. He isn’t sure what to say, so they remain in silence as they walk down the deserted halls. The high-pitched giggle sounds and he feels Jay flinch. 

Johnny pushes into the art room, turning on the lights. Their art is displayed on the back wall, art supplies littering the tables. Jay’s shoulders rise as she takes a deep breath and expels it in one loud blast. 

“Why are we here?” she says. She’s already feeling better, like she can breathe again. She moves to her usual stool. She sits down, leaning her elbows on the table, avoiding all eye contact with Johnny. 

“I thought being here would make you feel better,” he says. He sits down across from her, making it harder for her not to look at him, at the three unbuttoned buttons on his shirt, at his slender neck, his full, pouty lips. 

“I broke up with Jordan,” he says. 

Jay’s eyes snap up to look at his face. He’s staring at the tabletop, tracing some old pencil markings with his finger. She can’t tell what he’s feeling, but seeing as their relationship was pretty serious and lasted for so long, he must be hurting. Even knowing so, she can’t think of anything appropriate to say. 

“It was for the best,” he says after giving her enough time to possibly answer. “I didn’t feel the same way about her anymore.” 

Jay still doesn’t say anything. Her intuition is telling her that he wants her to read between the lines, but she refuses. The last thing she needs is for him to say something that they’ll both regret. 

“Well, I’m glad you feel better,” she says, knowing it’s the wrong thing to say. 

Johnny stops tracing and meets her gaze. Her eyes shift to look over his shoulder. 

He can’t tell her now. It would be extremely inappropriate. She just saw her crush kissing a girl she can’t stand. He just saw his ex-girlfriend kissing one of his best friends. It should be hard on both of them. He shouldn’t tell her. He shouldn’t. 

“Jay, I broke up with Jordan for another reason,” he says quickly. 

She gets up from her stool and walks to the back of the class. He’s trying to shove her into a situation that she doesn’t want to be in. He’s trying to implicate her into something that can’t happen. Her eyes wander over the displayed art, the varying styles morphing together as she barely absorbs them. 

She feels him standing behind her. She turns and finds him leaning against a table, eyes boring into hers. Her discomfort grows to insurmountable levels, but she has to take care of this now before it weighs on her mind and prevents her from functioning in her daily life.

“Don’t do this to me,” she says. His mouth opens, but she keeps talking. “Don’t put me in this situation. Why are you doing this to me, right now? You know I liked you for so long, and now, what? Do you want me to fall into your arms and be in love with you again now that Jordan is out of the picture? Do you want to go out with me now?” 

Johnny’s body is flushed. He feels like he’s being suffocated, even though his shirt is practically all the way open. Her eyes are hard on his face. He feels like he can’t move, like her eyes will follow him wherever he goes. 

“You’re not allowed to do this to me,” Jay says. “You’re not allowed to like me now.” 

“Why?” Johnny’s mouth says without his brain’s permission. “I’ve liked you for months now. Months. It’s been bothering me for so long. I’m not allowed to have feelings?”

“You’re not allowed to have feelings for me because you let Jordan humiliate me, you blamed me for said humiliation, you knew I liked you and now you’re telling me after we’ve both witnessed something a little crushing for the both of us. You’re basically crawling back after all of that.” Jay pants to catch her breath. Her frustration is making her hands shake. 

Johnny can’t control his body. He practically lurches toward her and grabs her shoulders. She tries to wriggle out of his grip, but his hands stay locked around her. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I know it’s way too late for sorry, but I’m genuinely sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I still feel so awful about everything. Are you going to hate me forever? Are you going to use this against me until we leave Hogwarts?” 

She pushes out of his grip and moves to the opposite side of the room, towards the door. Joelle and Emilia might be wondering where she is. She glances towards the clock in the room. The ball will be ending at midnight, in an hour. They’ll want to have a sleepover, but she wants nothing more than to sleep for eighteen hours. 

Her dam of feelings for Johnny that she had so carefully constructed has been completely destroyed. She won’t pretend like Johnny saying he likes her didn’t make her feel something in her chest. She won’t pretend like she doesn’t want to forgive him for everything. But her pride is stronger than the flow of feelings surging through her body. 

She puts her hand on the door to leave, but Johnny is racing across the room to stop her before she can get her foot across the threshold. 

“Please,” Johnny says. She can see the pleading in his eyes, on his entire face. 

He doesn’t think he felt this strongly for Jordan. He doesn’t think he was on the verge of despair at any moment with Jordan. He wasn’t ever ready to risk it all for Jordan. But he’s put his heart on the line. For Jay. 

Before she can say anything, he puts his hands on her waist tentatively, waiting for her reaction. Her eyes widen, but she can’t make her feet move away from him. He’s so close to her, too close, she can feel his body heat emanating onto her, it’s making her sweaty, she should probably go back to the Great Hall. 

He tightens his hold on her before leaning down, his eyes finding her lips, her eyes flitting all over his face, anywhere but his lips. 

His lips press against hers and he’s kissing her and her mind has turned into loud static, no thoughts able to pass through. She doesn’t know how to kiss, she doesn’t know what to do with her hands, is she supposed to move her mouth, open it? 

His mouth moves against hers, so she follows his lead, carefully, the back of her mind screaming at her to push him away, to go find Joelle and Emilia, to get out of here. 

But his lips are so soft. She’s imagined kissing them for so long, so many nights. The circumstances are unfortunate, but he’s kissing her, and she’s kissing him back. 

He pulls away, taking the last of her breath with him. His cheeks and neck are red, but his gaze stays strong on her face. She steps away from him, knocking into the handle of the door, pain shooting down her back. She ignores it as she grips her assailant and races away from the art room and to the Great Hall. She still can’t seem to catch her breath.

Johnny stands in the art room in the wake of Jay’s quick escape. His mind can’t filter through the chaos that’s running rampant through it. He kissed her. And she kissed him back. But she ran away before he could say anything.

So what happens now?


End file.
